Been awhile.......

[Coping Vortex]

I needed a break from LS as I needed to see if I can cut down on the thinking about the BU. But I can say now that after 9 months after the BU and 4 months of NC I am still very depressed.

 

I have been through some bad BU's in my life but this affected me the hardest of all. I have made a concerted effort to keep busy, going to the gym, joined a new band, remodeling the bathroom, doing any projects I can. Took many many walks ( I could have walked around the earth by now) Went on a cruise. Talking with friends. But I am still in a deep depression. I tried to get angry at her, but I just can't yet, I was able to angry at other BU's but not with her. It was a series of strange events that broke us up. My story is well documented.

 

I started to see a therapist, (something I thought I would never do) and just recently I started taking anti depressants I resisted for so long I hate taking any drugs, I wanted to get over her on my own. But after 9 months of averaging only 2-3 hours of sleep i needed to do something drastic. So on the advice of my therapist I started taking the anti depressants. So far its been a week and I don't feel them doing anything at all for me. I am physically and mentally exhausted.

 

I guess there have been little victories. I went through withdraw for months every time my phone received a text. We texted hundreds of times a day. It was like Pavlov's dogs. I finally got past the feeling of thinking its her texting me.

 

I know consciously that there is no possibility that I'll see her again. She lives over an hour a way so i won't run into her. We have no friends in common anymore, and she is totally in love with her new BF. I have accepted that in the surface, but its like my subconscious won't let it go. I mean really if she called me up tomorrow, I'm not sure I could ever want to see her again. What to go through all that pain again? We tried that a few times already been there done that.

 

She would contact me out of the blue here and there during the first 4 months of the BU and tell me I was the one she really wanted, she was not giving up on me etc. and so on.....but she never really did give it a go, she was too far down the road with the new guy. I guess there was something she was missing in that relationship but it was not enough for her to try again.

 

I get that.

 

I just wish the subconscious part of me would let her go and give me some peace. I need to sleep and I need to focus, but it's tough when you miss the person you had loved and friended the most.

 

I saw in a post that when someone leaves you, you lose all power. That is very true. I have been steadfast NC but memories of what was, linger on to haunt me.

Edited August 20, 2013 by Coping Vortex

[lovesucks76]

Sorry man! I'm glad you're trying to take care of yourself. You will eventually move on from this too, you will! I think you're stuck with the 'idea' of what could have been. At least that's what I do . I keep thinking 'It could have been so amazing'. The sad truth is: I was more into her than she was into me. Sad but true. That little bit of information helps me every single day. Why? because I have dignity and pride and refuse to let her take over my life again. It has been just 16 days since BU. I miss her like crazy and I'm still in love with her but I also live in the present and presently she's not part of my life anymore. I focus each day on what I can do to improve my life and try to live in the present. The past will not set us free...the past is the past. I think about it, feel sad and release it. On to my next adventure...it's my way to cope with this loss. Hope you can find peace soon. Good luck to you!

[Knoxpwns]

Fyi, if you are taking an SSRI, after doing research when I was put on zoloft and welbutrin (zoloft made me vomit), I learned that the success rate between SSRI's and sugar pills was a difference of like less than 10%. They don't really know if it even works, bt they were able to prove "some" margin of success vs. Sugar pills in testing, so the FDA gave it a greenlight.

 

Welcome to pharmaceuticals.

 

 

Honestly, a really good therapist is the best option. Throwing pills at your mouth solves little to nothing; those emotions and depression will still be there when you stop taking pills.

 

I feel the pain though. I haven't stopped smoking pot since my BU (so call me a hypocrite if you will), but it's the only thing that makes me stop thinking about it. It's given me time to be happy with friends and family, I laugh and play games and smirk like a dumbass while I think about other girls, but when the high comes down I still am sad, still mad, still heartbroken, and still miss her.

 

Tl;dr - take it from someone trying to get by on drugs; they are but a small bandage on a severed limb. They offer nothing in terms of healing, and only offer temporary comfort. Natural or pharmaceutical.

Edited August 20, 2013 by Knoxpwns

[Sparkle304]

I'm glad that you went to visit a therapist. Sometimes it helps to have the opinion and assistance of a professional - just keep in mind that a therapist is not a miracle worker (unfortunately). Stay on your meds! It may take almost a month before you feel their effects and if you encounter too many uncomfortable side effects, see your doctor and request a new medication. I've been where you are and trust me, I know your pain. And it's not just emotional pain, but it's also physical pain. BUT, you cannot give up hope!

 

Change will happen.....even if you fight it every step of the way. One month from now, you will be different. You may not realize it, but change will occur. However, YOU need to help ensure that this change is not for worse. Everyday write down two things that were positive, and yes, some days you will struggle to find two positive experiences. But please try! Maybe you laughed that day, or you had a good workout. Maybe you got out of bed sooner than you expected, maybe you realized that you've got some really good friends. Positive experiences don't have to be huge or life-altering. Notice that your life is full of good stuff.

 

The pain does subside. Nature wouldn't be that cruel to let humans continue to suffer.

 

It WILL get better!

 

 

 

I needed a break from LS as I needed to see if I can cut down on the thinking about the BU. But I can say now that after 9 months after the BU and 4 months of NC I am still very depressed.

 

I have been through some bad BU's in my life but this affected me the hardest of all. I have made a concerted effort to keep busy, going to the gym, joined a new band, remodeling the bathroom, doing any projects I can. Took many many walks ( I could have walked around the earth by now) Went on a cruise. Talking with friends. But I am still in a deep depression. I tried to get angry at her, but I just can't yet, I was able to angry at other BU's but not with her. It was a series of strange events that broke us up. My story is well documented.

 

I started to see a therapist, (something I thought I would never do) and just recently I started taking anti depressants I resisted for so long I hate taking any drugs, I wanted to get over her on my own. But after 9 months of averaging only 2-3 hours of sleep i needed to do something drastic. So on the advice of my therapist I started taking the anti depressants. So far its been a week and I don't feel them doing anything at all for me. I am physically and mentally exhausted.

 

I guess there have been little victories. I went through withdraw for months every time my phone received a text. We texted hundreds of times a day. It was like Pavlov's dogs. I finally got past the feeling of thinking its her texting me.

 

I know consciously that there is no possibility that I'll see her again. She lives over an hour a way so i won't run into her. We have no friends in common anymore, and she is totally in love with her new BF. I have accepted that in the surface, but its like my subconscious won't let it go. I mean really if she called me up tomorrow, I'm not sure I could ever want to see her again. What to go through all that pain again? We tried that a few times already been there done that.

 

She would contact me out of the blue here and there during the first 4 months of the BU and tell me I was the one she really wanted, she was not giving up on me etc. and so on.....but she never really did give it a go, she was too far down the road with the new guy. I guess there was something she was missing in that relationship but it was not enough for her to try again.

 

I get that.

 

I just wish the subconscious part of me would let her go and give me some peace. I need to sleep and I need to focus, but it's tough when you miss the person you had loved and friended the most.

 

I saw in a post that when someone leaves you, you lose all power. That is very true. I have been steadfast NC but memories of what was, linger on to haunt me.

[iouaname]

I'm sorry that you are still going through this For what it's worth, you aren't alone. Our breakups were about the same time and I am still struggling a lot, too.

[Debbie2508]

Hi Coping........just wanted to say "ditto"to iouaname's comment above. I think the 3 of us all had bu's about the same time and we're all still struggling. To say its hard is an understatement. I have days when I'm ok-ish ,and then I'm back to sobbing my eyes out and wondering what the point is. I guess we just have to live with the pain for now and hope it starts to ease sometime soon. Chin up.....you're not alone.

[Simon Phoenix]

Just keep on trucking man. I wouldn't look at it as if you are nine months out from a relationship though -- I'd say you are only four months out because you spent those months clinging to it for dear life. I'm glad you are taking steps and I think you'll have a breakthrough soon. It's a tough process, but you are facing it head on and you'll come out better on the other side. Just hang in there and best of luck.

[Coping Vortex]

Hi Coping........just wanted to say "ditto"to iouaname's comment above. I think the 3 of us all had bu's about the same time and we're all still struggling. To say its hard is an understatement. I have days when I'm ok-ish ,and then I'm back to sobbing my eyes out and wondering what the point is. I guess we just have to live with the pain for now and hope it starts to ease sometime soon. Chin up.....you're not alone.

 

Hey Deb been awhile since we talked. I have stayed off the site for awhile but I'm still in the thik of it.

[cavalier99]

Glad your finally nc! Rooting for you! Youll be done with this soon enough. Rock on! Cav

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Hey Coping! Long time no talk man. Good to see Cav down on this too. Ahh the memories lol....

 

If it helps man, all your advice you gave me about my ex did wonders for me. I took leaps of faith that I never thought I would take. You are only an hour away from your ex so I said f*** that to mine and move 2,500 miles away from mine lol. I started a new life out here and its hard without family and close friends, but I'm changing and adopting. In fact, I have a date in roughly 6 hours with no clean clothes to wear lol.

 

I know you are having a hard time still, and to be honest, I still am a bit too. Its been 11 Months BU and 8 Months NC (with dabs of facebook spying on there) and I am getting better. There are times when I still think fondly of her, even though the b**** lost me everything and went after another guy and faked a pregnancy just to stay with him lol. WHY in GODS name would I want to stay with that?!?

 

Ok sorry thread jacking.....its not an easy process Coping, but you are taking steps to make it better, and thats all you can hope for. I think sometimes, we all wallow in the past because we thought we had it so good, but because we lost that power you speak of, everything seems...different. We associate our ex's with that happiness...like someway, they took the happiness orb and we must get it back lol. Life is short man, and we must keep moving forward. One day, and I swear upon everything that is holy, you will find someone who will have all the good traits your ex had PLUS more....and she will FIGHT to stay with you because she is not a raging b****.

 

You're my motivation coping. Keep moving forward my man.

[Coping Vortex]

Thank you guys for all the support.........I know some people on here will say "man up get over it already!" but sorry, I loved her more than anything. I dated many women in my life and there were only a few I could really say that about.

 

We had so many obstacles that weren't related to how we felt about each other. It was all situational. Its a shame really. But to be honest there really wasn't anything I could have done different.

 

From her low self esteem issues, to her ex husband stalking us.....it was just a tragic sequence of events.

 

The funny part is we are strict NC more so because she knows she would feel the feelings of love for me.....more so the reason than for the guy she is dating. She told me many times I was her Kryptonite. She has forced herself to make it work with him. I actually respect her for being able to stay strong she knows us talking or seeing each other will cause her confusion. I know her this is easier for her to stay with what she has. And for me I can't face her with the knew guy. I don't want to see or hear anything more about them. It isn't fair to me and my psyche. I tried everything to make it work and I think we were actually close....until he got her pregnant. Again more tragic sequence of events...(the pregnancy didn't survive, but it somehow brought them together).

 

She may wake up one day and realize that maybe I was the one for her. I know in the long run she will not be happy with this particular rebound guy. She admitted to me when we were in contact that her and I had much better communication intimacy love etc.

 

The more likely scenario will will be she will meet another guy and leave her current BF. But either way, as I have stated, my conscience brain knows there is no scenario that we could back to where we were. She doesn't have the strength to reach out to me she would feel just too guilty. I just know that about her and she admitted this to me before.

 

Sorry to ramble.......

 

But one observation I did have regarding most break ups, is that after the BU the ex's for the most part no longer respect you. That I feel is one of the hardest things to endure. The person that worshiped you couldn't care if you are hurting or even exist in most circumstances. They take you off the pedestal and they banish you to trash can.

 

I can honestly say that out of all the women I loved in my life I never lost overall respect for them. I would still feel some sort of pang if I ran into them again. I mean these were people who you shared a part of your life with. They shape you they teach you, you adapt to them they affect you for ever even if its just for a past memory good or bad.

 

I guess some people have to demonize you for ever to get past the relationship. I cherish most (except for the cheaters and liars) of the relationships I had in my life.