mesmerized Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Here is the deal. This is a combination of both your looks and personality. Why do I say that? Because if you looked like a little sex bomb, men would want to do you no matter how boring you are. But if you are anything like the rest of us, an average to attractive girl, you need to have a flirty and sexy personality going on for you. You need to be able to tease, seduce and create tension. If you look like every other girl and sitting there looking at them with a blank look in your eyes talking about some boring school subject...yeah that's not gonna work on Mr willy. I think I've also lost my seducing powers, so you're not alone in this.
SensitiveTJ Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Here is the deal. This is a combination of both your looks and personality. Why do I say that? Because if you looked like a little sex bomb, men would want to do you no matter how boring you are. But if you are anything like the rest of us, an average to attractive girl, you need to have a flirty and sexy personality going on for you. You need to be able to tease, seduce and create tension. If you look like every other girl and sitting there looking at them with a blank look in your eyes talking about some boring school subject...yeah that's not gonna work on Mr willy. I think I've also lost my seducing powers, so you're not alone in this. As a man, I am in some agreement with this. It's very possible to be physically attractive, even very attractive, and yet not sexy. And ultimately that sex appeal is what brings people together. If you want to try some new flirting strategies, wardrobe options, facial expressions, etc. find a friend who you think is sexy and see how she does it. It's at least worth a shot to find out what you can do differently, even if it isn't something you feel comfortable with long term.
Leigh 87 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 (edited) It is not your looks alone. Trust me. A guy who spends a few dates with you is obviously attracted enough to see if anything develops. At the very least, they think you're somewhat cute; while they may not be exactly blown away with your looks initially, they are attracted enough to see if anything develops between you. At worst? They are lukewarm and are still attracted at least a little bit to you. At best? I am sure there have been a few guys that were very attracted to you. It is not your looks alone; only men who are desperate date or have sex with women they are not attracted to. Some men have no standards and/or are desperate. I would say though, that at least SOME of the men who dated you were initially attracted enough, in order to DATE you. Guys have spoken on here about how the girl they are in love with or once fell in love with, was NOT a girl they considered to be a knockout at first glance! ................... only to fall hard for them and then view them as the most beautiful girl in the world to THEM. There is something about you that does not drawn many men in, and that is fine. Some people attract less men than others, and while it is largely based on looks, it is also STRONGLY influenced by the way you dress, the way you come across and your personality and impression you give to people. I am lucky in that I tend to have something about me that draws enough people to me to have many options; men who love the way I am, physically and otherwise. IT IS NOT to do with my looks so much, either, since on average I am only about a 7/10 to most people, give or take. I am just an average girl who is very attractive to some men yet not others. I think................ it has a lot to do with the sort of person you are, and how open and friendly and flirty you are to men. Without seeing you in person and interacting with you, no one on here can determine what it is about you that is lacklustre, and what you could do to make yourself a more captivating person. Edited August 21, 2013 by Leigh 87
salparadise Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 It's just not that mystical or difficult to describe attraction or the lack of it more precisely, and I feel a certain tarot-like fortunetelling BS in the term "chemistry" in describing human attraction. That and as stated, it's trite to the point of "soulmate." I see your point, and I suppose one could describe "it" more specifically. I don't think it's in the same league with soulmate. It seems to be useful though because of it's vagueness. If you're excusing someone you've seen a few times it's so much softer than saying you just don't find them attractive. Perhaps we need to coin a new word rather than appropriating one... but the definition we're ascribing is in the dictionary: 2) the complex emotional or psychological interaction between two. Thesaurus gives allure, appeal, interest, affinity, attraction, rapport, spark as synonyms. Perhaps it's a bit overused but I think I'll keep using it since there doesn't seem to be a better one with the same nuance.
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