suckered Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I am very disturbed by this. Surprising number of men have rejected me due to "no physical spark". I am petite, toned and a former gymnast. I think that my face is at least cute. I get approached on the street a lot and guys compliment me how attractive I am. Last 3 guys I dated, we got to dates 4-6 and they all told me that they have an issue with physical spark that is slow to develop. They all said that they think I have a great personality but... I am a bit shy and conservative but I can't help but think that no physical spark just means that I am not attractive enough. I am at loss on what to do Do I need to be more sexually aggressive?
Floridita Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I think the short answer is "He's just not that into you" even if there is objective attraction. You're far better off than, say, the girlfriend of the guy who posted on here that she physically repulsed him, but he didn't know how to break up with her. 1
BeholdtheMan Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I am petite, toned and a former gymnast. I think that my face is at least cute. I get approached on the street a lot and guys compliment me how attractive I am. Maybe you have an inflated view of your level of attractiveness. You could post a pick and edit out the eyes if you're afraid to show your full face Also it's possible that the guys you date are a lot more attractive than the guys who approach you on the street and thus have higher standards
white Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I'd never say that to someone. It's cheesy, cliched and lame lame lame. Sounds like the guys were looking to get laid and you didn't oblige. Consider them weeded out for the jackoffs they are. Unless you did ****, in which case, sounds like they got what they wanted and bounced. Lame! It's just a lame thing to say. "Blah blah physical spark blah blah blah" go boil your head you giant oaf. 5
Emilia Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I am a bit shy and conservative but I can't help but think that no physical spark just means that I am not attractive enough. I am at loss on what to do Do I need to be more sexually aggressive? Not aggressive but you probably need to learn to be more flirty, to relax, use more open body language, to be friendlier and more outgoing. 6
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Not aggressive but you probably need to learn to be more flirty, to relax, use more open body language, to be friendlier and more outgoing. I agree. If it was purely looks, they would reject you earlier than dates 4-6. 11
forgetmenot75 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I am very disturbed by this. Surprising number of men have rejected me due to "no physical spark". I am petite, toned and a former gymnast. I think that my face is at least cute. I get approached on the street a lot and guys compliment me how attractive I am. Last 3 guys I dated, we got to dates 4-6 and they all told me that they have an issue with physical spark that is slow to develop. They all said that they think I have a great personality but... I am a bit shy and conservative but I can't help but think that no physical spark just means that I am not attractive enough. I am at loss on what to do Do I need to be more sexually aggressive? No, don't be more aggressive. why don't you talk with all the men that approach you on the street instead? Maybe you're choosing the wrong men, the unavailable ones. Think about it
Babolat Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I am very disturbed by this. Surprising number of men have rejected me due to "no physical spark". I am petite, toned and a former gymnast. I think that my face is at least cute. I get approached on the street a lot and guys compliment me how attractive I am. Last 3 guys I dated, we got to dates 4-6 and they all told me that they have an issue with physical spark that is slow to develop. They all said that they think I have a great personality but... I am a bit shy and conservative but I can't help but think that no physical spark just means that I am not attractive enough. I am at loss on what to do Do I need to be more sexually aggressive? Show interest, but don't be aggressive unless all you want is sex. We have no idea what you look like so we cannot comment on your looks. If you have great breasts though...... I personally would not be attracted to the gymnast look as I like a more slender, thin build, not skinny, just more slender. Though, if there was a connection I would not discount a gymnast though.
Madman81 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Perhaps you're not doing enough to generate sexual tension. It's one thing to have a great body and a cute face, but if you're on a date with a guy, "no physical spark" probably means he didn't feel much sexual tension. Think about the dates you've been on. Are you very reserved, or a bit flirty? If the latter, try the former. Look him in the eyes. Touch him on the arm occasionally. Laugh at his jokes. Be willing to talk about mildly sexual things ("name a place in the world where you've never been kissed, but really want to be"). "Sexual tension" doesn't mean you have to get naked on the first date, or even kiss on the first date, but the object of the first date should be for both of you to end it wanting more. 1
FitChick Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Be willing to talk about mildly sexual things ("name a place in the world where you've never been kissed, but really want to be"). That has got to be one of the lamest lines ever! Do you read Cosmo? Actions speak louder than words. Brush up against him while you walk, grab his elbow "I don't want to twist my ankle on this crooked pavement" or "This floor is so slippery I don't want to fall." I've used those not just to get closer but because I didn't want to embarrass myself by falling on my arse! 2
PlumPrincess Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 It means they thought you were not sexually interested in them, so they broke it off.
ThaWholigan Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 LOL date 4-6 + slow physical spark to develop = you didn't sleep with them early enough for their liking. The 2 options are: find someone who is physically attracted to you and is happy to date along your dynamic, or find ways to be more sexually.....forward, for lack of a better term. Not necessarily putting out early, but just being a bit more flirty. Emilia's advice is good. 4
RogerWallace111 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 LOL date 4-6 + slow physical spark to develop = you didn't sleep with them early enough for their liking. I don't know, I think that may be oversimplifying it... Though in effect it's probably kind of true. But I can't imagine that if she came across as vivacious and fun, and they had done some kissing/touching after a few dates, guys would say they didn't feel a "spark" just cause there'd been no actual penetration. I would guess it's more an issue of her not conveying any real flirtatious energy, or creating sexual tension like others have said. Which means that by date 4-6 not only have they not gotten physical, but the guy isn't that excited about the prospect of it because she comes across as reserved/conservative and thus not as a fun potential lover.
Southern Cal Dude Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 If this is happening with a "surprising number of men"(your words, not mine), that indicates a pattern. Assuming you're going on one date a week, this is a month to a month and a half. Sex often occurs within that time frame, if not sooner. They probably think you're sexually reserved or already sleeping with someone else. Being shy isn't helping your cause. Its likely coming across as disinterest.
white Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Honestly I'd disregard everyone talking about sexuality here. They've been reading too many books. There's nothing wrong with what you do. You do you. Including while dating. What are you dating for if not to meet someone compatible? If you're going to change who you are for the guys you date, then just *poof*, transform yourself into whatever the next guy wants. Something wrong with that picture? That's why I said this was a lame line. Honest worthwhile people don't spew forth bull**** like that. Honest worthwhile men looking for more than a lay don't worry about things like "physical sparks" (if he wants a physical spark, tell him to stick a fork into a wall socket) after a few dates. Screw these *******s and be what you want to be. A real man wants that. 1
New User Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 That's kind of a weird reason to give for breaking things off- I have to ask if this was something that they volunteered like "I don't want to see you anymore because I'm not feeling any physical sparks?" Did they just say "I don't think we should see each other anymore" and you asked "why" then they answered with the sparks thing? I tend to doubt that they were breaking things off because they just wanted sex- if that were the case they would have been trying to press things physically and you stopped them. I'm not sure if I'm reading you right- maybe that's what you mean by "they all told me that they have an issue with physical spark that is slow to develop." If that's the case, yeah- they either figured that you just aren't into them, that you have different comfort levels with regards to physical intimacy, or they were just trying to get laid and moved on when it didn't happen. If they weren't trying to push things physically prior to breaking things off then they probably just weren't into you or felt that you weren't into them. If they haven't made any moves by the time you've been on 4-6 dates it's a pretty good indication that they don't think that you would be receptive to any advances.
kaylan Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 (edited) I am very disturbed by this. Surprising number of men have rejected me due to "no physical spark". I am petite, toned and a former gymnast. I think that my face is at least cute. I get approached on the street a lot and guys compliment me how attractive I am. Last 3 guys I dated, we got to dates 4-6 and they all told me that they have an issue with physical spark that is slow to develop. They all said that they think I have a great personality but... I am a bit shy and conservative but I can't help but think that no physical spark just means that I am not attractive enough. I am at loss on what to do Do I need to be more sexually aggressive? A woman can be attractive and there still be little spark between her and I. Ive slept with women who objectively are very attractive, yet the kissing and/or sex left much to be desired. And tbh, sometimes a girl being too shy and conservative can make me feel like drawn to her. If I had to choose between a hot conservative shy girl and a cute but average feisty spitfire of a lady, the average girl wins. We would have more chemistry and dynamic due to my personality type. You just need to find the right guy that fits you. Chemistry is real.I'd never say that to someone. It's cheesy, cliched and lame lame lame. Sounds like the guys were looking to get laid and you didn't oblige. Consider them weeded out for the jackoffs they are. Unless you did ****, in which case, sounds like they got what they wanted and bounced. Lame! It's just a lame thing to say. "Blah blah physical spark blah blah blah" go boil your head you giant oaf. Lame assumption, and even lamer that people liked this post. I mean how dare guys desire real chemistry with a woman. I guess dudes should be willing to take any decently attractive girl regardless of how they fit together. Edited August 20, 2013 by kaylan 2
white Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Honestly kaylan, I actually wear your disapproval with a pride only slightly less than I would that of Captain Saveaho or Skidmark.
kaylan Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Honestly kaylan, I actually wear your disapproval with a pride only slightly less than I would that of Captain Saveaho or Skidmark. *yawn* Who cares?, Not I.
crederer Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I don't think it has anything to do with your physical appearance. I have a feeling you're very reserved and slow moving. That is fine, but some guys might see that as disinterest or lack of lust and they decide to back off. You can find someone that is cool with that or you can try to change your behaviour. Which option is best for you I guess is up to you. 1
salparadise Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I personally would not be attracted to the gymnast look as I like a more slender, thin build, not skinny, just more slender. Well at least they didn't use the vapid "chemistry" as an excuse, anyone who used that in a brushoff would be doing you a favor. You just need to find the right guy that fits you. Chemistry is real. I think it's amazing how differently people perceive things. Babolat says gymnasts are too skinny for his consideration. Dasein apparently doesn't believe chemistry exists. Kaylan believes chemistry is real. It baffles me as to how people can place such strict criteria on physical attributes and discount even the existence of chemistry. Is it really just a matter of finding one who's hot enough (by your definition) and it will equal eternal bliss? How long do you figure hot is going to sustain you after the initial infatuation has run it's course? Chemistry is real. Some people's personalities just click as if they've known each other for a thousand years. When I find that kind of chemistry, assuming it's mutual, I sure as heck hope she's attractive because I'll put chemistry ahead of hotness any day of the week. I am optimistic though because to me attraction and perfection have virtually no correlation. 4
KungFuJoe Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Chemistry is completely real. And completely unexplainable. 2
kaylan Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 A woman can be attractive and there still be little spark between her and I. Ive slept with women who objectively are very attractive, yet the kissing and/or sex left much to be desired. And tbh, sometimes a girl being too shy and conservative can make me feel less drawn to her. If I had to choose between a hot conservative shy girl and a cute but average feisty spitfire of a lady, the average girl wins. We would have more chemistry and dynamic due to my personality type. You just need to find the right guy that fits you. Chemistry is real. Edited typo from my earlier post.
lavenderlove Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 (edited) I am with the chemistry team too. I think chemistry is linked to instinct, which runs deeper than your rational mind (this is why I cannot get my head around online dating), deeper than your fidgety heart, which might have been broken a few times and indulged in much cruelty itself, and then there is chemistry, that sensual dark thing we call sparkle, suddenly appears and you cannot resist it's calling. You would be a moron to even try. And instinct pulls us closer to what we really need, like food for instance. You know what your body will benefit from, by wanting the taste of it. I believe that this thing we call chemistry here-given we mean something by it that is more than physical attraction- its something to do with the soul. And on the long term? Knowing that your 'now husband/wife' has made that effect on you when you met? To me it would be a strong motivating force to stand by her or him. I think true love cannot exist without the sparkle and chemistry. And it is indeed rare to find, so OP, you may have to ask yourself. Did you feel any chemistry? Don't just wait for the guys confirmation! Maybe the reason why you get flipped is because it was really your turn to flip them earlier on. Edited August 21, 2013 by lavenderlove
todreaminblue Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I would say no to sexual aggression if it isnt naturally you then you will come across as being something you are not....... I dont class my self as attractive i dont know what i am to tell the truth i know i am happy at the moment and that will do me fine.....as far as guys go never had a problem attracting guys because i haven't really set out to attract them, I am a good friend, and that is how guys are often attracted to me, i actually enjoy talking to people.......i am reserved when it comes to guys i have liked or like now...i havent needed in the past to flirt and carry on like someone i am not it makews me feel like a hooker when i am sexually aggressive so i just dont do it...flirting comes into that......i just be me, and the guy who is right for me will like that person i am...otherwise....its a case of incompatibility.......takes me a while to get to know someone, i prefer to date guys who were friends to start with, with someone i feel safe with....that will never change for me nor would i force myself to change.....when i have jumped the gun with this i have regretted it...... if you are conservative and shy, just talking and getting to know a guy you like is maybe how you need to start,ease yourself in there, and sometimes the guy you like might not like you or vice versa but that will take time to find out....guys that dotn give you a chance are nto worth your time or effort be glad it ended early... you should be how you feel comfortable and accept the way you feel that natural style of yours is...you are unique you know, and how you feel natural and relaxed may not be how someone else who posts on here feels...do what comes naturally to you...the person that you meet then.....will in the long run ....be that guy who will be the right one for you, no change necessary so no surprises and you will be the right one for him...never be something you are not just to score a date....again this is my opinion only...i wish you the best with whatever you decide to do...good luck..... deb
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