Red Wolverine Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I guess it just comes down to not wanting to be apart of that. If he wanted a D, he would've gotten one before a baby was even in the picture. She seems to be indifferent regardless of what he does so what am I solving by telling her? I'd love to understand Ur perspective but I guess I just don't get it. Her perspective shouldn't be a factor in your actions. Why she stays in her marriage is her business and you have a biased perspective of her motives because they are coming from her husband. What matters is his perspective. No matter what he's saying, he's married, expecting a baby, and not leaving his wife. Keep it simple. 1
Author TaintedLuv Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 (edited) His answering your questions now is called damage control. He has to be on best behavior to get you back on his side. As to how he treats his ife. You see it and you are ok with it? As long as it is not you? Let me say one thing, look at the behavior he is capable of. Does that not tell you who he is and how disrespectful he can be? As long as you are not the one he treats this way. But you would be. Do not fool yourself. You are already putting up with way more than you would have in any relationship. He has proof you have high tolerance for bs. For 5 years you have sat around and waited. This with no kids,home,family ties,marriage. Why? if you are the type not to put up with crap, why did you stay for all these years and keep taking him back? Like a frog boiling in a pot with the temperature slowly turning up, you would not even realize you are being cooked! I have a friend who was dating a man with bad character. i would tell her to pay attention, but her logic was "so what if he treats others badly. he is good to me". Guess what happened to her once he got his hooks in her and the relationship went deeper and they moved in together? . She started getting his disrespect. But he would cry and beg and promise and make excuses and lure her back in. She thought she was immune. But the deeper she got, the harder it was to get out. I told her this man did not know how to love and he was toxic from the beginning. But she just thought she was tooo special to him to ever be treated the way he showed her he can treat others. Ur right. I let it happen because I thought it was more than it truly was. I'm not blind anymore. Her perspective shouldn't be a factor in your actions. Why she stays in her marriage is her business and you have a biased perspective of her motives because they are coming from her husband. What matters is his perspective. No matter what he's saying, he's married, expecting a baby, and not leaving his wife. Keep it simple. So Ur saying I should fill her in so she can make her own decision based on full disclosure? Maybe I came off the wrong way when I mention him getting a D. This isn't wishful thinking. This is just what he said regarding it. For me, it's over. He won't let it go. You're not that far behind his wife. You have been letting him get away with keeping you and a wife for FIVE YEARS. You have been waiting on the sidelines 24-7 just like the wifey has been waiting at home 24-7. You say you would not accept a proposal the way he did it to his wife, but come on... you have been accepting his crumbs for quite a while now. You don't even have the nerve to go 100% NC, you make idle threats with him and never follow through, and the cry on the message board that he broke NC again. Your relationship sounds a lot like his wife's relationship, tbh. And here you are, pining away and heatbroken over a guy who can't even accompany his wife to the baby's... HIS baby's, his FIRSTBORN'S... sonogram. It always amazes me, these winners who find women who love them. Trust me. I'm well aware of what I let happen to me and I wasted the better part of my 20s. I'm not "crying". I'm trying to get out. I don't want to do something out of anger then regret it. Telling her will impact my life as well. I won't make this decision lightly. And yes, I know. I've bluffed a bunch of times. I'm not perfect. Clearly he's not perfect either. He might need more professional help than I, in fact. But at the end of the day, this relationship hurt me quite deeply and all I can do is move on and save myself. Maybe I am coming off as needy or weak because I do love him and I did let him shortchange me for YEARS but I was just trying to give him time to make the right decision. I wouldn't accept any of this in real life even if it seems that I would by putting up with all of this. Edited August 20, 2013 by TaintedLuv
HopingAgain Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Tell his wife, do not delay, and send proof. You can bet he is also cheating with others and she needs to know so she can protect herself and her baby. There are a lot of STDs that can kill or seriously damage a baby in utero. So TELL! Also, he sounds dangerous and stalkerish so change your number and put stricter privacy settings on your social media.
Author TaintedLuv Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Tell his wife, do not delay, and send proof. You can bet he is also cheating with others and she needs to know so she can protect herself and her baby. There are a lot of STDs that can kill or seriously damage a baby in utero. So TELL! Also, he sounds dangerous and stalkerish so change your number and put stricter privacy settings on your social media. No one has any stds. Hes not cheating with anyone else. I'm the second woman he's ever been with in his life. He married his hs gf. Everything's blocked now.
Calcmag Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 No one has any stds. Hes not cheating with anyone else. I'm the second woman he's ever been with in his life. He married his hs gf. Everything's blocked now. Everything's blocked - except he can follow your posts on here because he posted on your very first thread. I do think part of you doesn't want to close the door completely. That's not a criticism. I bet most of us have been there in one way or another - I certainly have.
Author TaintedLuv Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Everything's blocked - except he can follow your posts on here because he posted on your very first thread. I do think part of you doesn't want to close the door completely. That's not a criticism. I bet most of us have been there in one way or another - I certainly have. To my knowledge, he doesn't look at this site. If he did, he definitely isn't posting and never mentioned it to me. He dislikes people "judging him" so he'd rather not look. For me, the door is closed. That doesn't mean my emotions are gone. That'll take some time to bury.
whichwayisup Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I've told him countless times actually. He gets mad and says "stop threatening me". And you say, then leave me the F alone. I will report you to the police for UNWANTED contact, that you are harassing me, showing up and bombarding me with texts and calls, then I will also tell your wife. So it's up to you! Leave me alone for good this time or go ahead and test me, see what happens next. He's disrespecting you. 2
Author TaintedLuv Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 And you say, then leave me the F alone. I will report you to the police for UNWANTED contact, that you are harassing me, showing up and bombarding me with texts and calls, then I will also tell your wife. So it's up to you! Leave me alone for good this time or go ahead and test me, see what happens next. He's disrespecting you. I don't think I'd get the police involved. He's not on that level of crazy. It's more desperation that I'm walking away and this time is different than the rest with the baby arriving. I just heard now apples new software will allow you to block numbers from calling and texting you so when that comes out, I will add his number to it so I won't need to change my number. If he goes around that and attempts to reach out then I will tell the W. At that point the only way to reach me would be email or contacting me at work. Pretty sure he's disrespecting everyone at this point.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I don't think I'd get the police involved. He's not on that level of crazy. It's more desperation that I'm walking away and this time is different than the rest with the baby arriving. I just heard now apples new software will allow you to block numbers from calling and texting you so when that comes out, I will add his number to it so I won't need to change my number. If he goes around that and attempts to reach out then I will tell the W. At that point the only way to reach me would be email or contacting me at work. Pretty sure he's disrespecting everyone at this point. He has no boundaries! That's not changing! Desperation may feel complementary, but it's not! It's a disorder. I am rarely for the OW telling the BS, BUT in a situation like yours, you've warned, been threatened and have every right to carry out your PROMISE, not threat!
crederer Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I've told him countless times actually. He gets mad and says "stop threatening me". Then stop threatening him and actually do it. 1
shortee Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Why wouldnt you get the police invloved? You say you dont want contact so its basically stalking. Get a protective order.
stillafool Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Why wait for Apple's new product to come out to block him??? Go ahead and change your number now. I have to agree with others who have said you really don't want to stop him from contacting you. Also you would be doing his wife and baby a favor by letting her know he is contacting you. For all you know she could think she has a happy life because I'm sure he is lying to you both. If you took a serious tone and attitude with him about your threats, he will stop.
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