MM keeps breaking NC!

[TaintedLuv]

Last night, he brought me back to that dark place filled with sorrow and tears. Everytime I start feeling half normal, he contacts me. In the past five years, I know I've been guilty of breaking NC as well but when he told me there was a baby on the way, I was done and haven't intiated any contact myself since February. Since then he leaves me cryptic messages on twitter, emails, texts, even shows up in front of my office building because he just "has" to speak to me. After all the "please answer me" messages, I end up giving in. I've changed my number twice already this year. I'm not doing it again. I'm afraid he's going to show up later down the line and ruin whatever life I manage to create for myself. I feel trapped. He's the love of my life but if he gets a D, Im not willing to be with him after what he did. I know I'll love again but not like this. i feel like he's going to continue this after the baby is born which is ridiculous to me. I don't know how to get out. I considered telling his W but what will that solve? An innocent child's life gets ruined. I still won't be with him and his M will be over or continue. I can't keep healing then get broken down like this. It's draining the life out of me...

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Tell him, if you hear from him again that you will call her, it's his choice. He has respect for no one, you need iron clad boundaries with him.

[TaintedLuv]

Tell him, if you hear from him again that you will call her, it's his choice. He has respect for no one, you need iron clad boundaries with him.

 

I've told him countless times actually. He gets mad and says "stop threatening me".

[maidai]

That is a two way street. Tell him if he does not like you threatening him to leave you alone and stay out of your life. He leaves you alone, no threats. Simple!

 

I really feel for you. I am so glad that I have had two weeks full NC now and I hope it stays that way. I do know though if it doesnt I wont hesitate to drop him in it if its for my own well being. If it causes him enough trouble to dislike me immensely and stay away I will do it if necessary. It has to be about ME and keeping me safe from him nothing else.

[TaintedLuv]

That is a two way street. Tell him if he does not like you threatening him to leave you alone and stay out of your life. He leaves you alone, no threats. Simple!

 

I really feel for you. I am so glad that I have had two weeks full NC now and I hope it stays that way. I do know though if it doesnt I wont hesitate to drop him in it if its for my own well being. If it causes him enough trouble to dislike me immensely and stay away I will do it if necessary. It has to be about ME and keeping me safe from him nothing else.

 

We've gone months with NC then god forbid he sees a picture of me with a man on fb, he starts all over again. He needs to know who he is, if i have a bf, tears and all. Mind u, we have no social media connections. He stalks what he can. I told him to take all this supposed love he has for me and to put it into raising his child and to forget about me. I don't think ill be so lucky. I really don't want to be involved in a Dday. I don't want the drama even if I deserve it.

[Calcmag]

What he's doing is actually incredibly cruel. I think you know that. It's definitely not 'love'.

 

Can you not take more measures to block him on FB, restrict access to your timeline etc? I see you changed your number twice how did he get your new numbers both times?

[jlola]

Sorry, he has no love for you. Just his ego. I have been in toxic relationships where I woud leave and the man would d anything to get me back. tears,promises, all of it. I would get sucked back in thinking it was love. Then I realized, this is not love. It is his ego not wanting another man to have what used to be his. When they no longer can control you and have your full attention. they flip out.

 

Your man has a pregnant wife and he still is being disrespectful. Says a lot about him. He wants no consequences. As for his pregnant wife. just too sad he allowed this situation o happen. If his marriage was unhappy, he should have left. Now he will have a child. I am sorry, but the level of immaturity and selfishness this man has is immense. You cannot see it now. But you will one day.

Your love for him will be gone one day when you realize he is not who you thought he was. You have idealized a man who is not a good man.

 

I advice you to look up Natalie Lue and read her blog,NOW!!!!. Your man is an Assclown. He comes back because he knows eventually he will wear you down and you will take him back. Problem is we are flattered by that and we think it is all about love. But this toxic situation has nothing to do with love.

[Red Wolverine]

I've told him countless times actually. He gets mad and says "stop threatening me".

 

Stop threatening him and tell her. That will put an end to this vicious cycle and will demonstrate that you mean what you say.

[Owl]

I've told him countless times actually. He gets mad and says "stop threatening me".

 

Then stop telling him this...and when he contacts you again, make it happen.

 

An empty threat is useless.

[trailrunner1975]

From a man's perspective........ If you cease all contact/replies and post nothing in the public realm or on fb, he will be unable to monitor as easily. Any common friends/co workers you may have- keep any details about your personal life away from them. If your ex mm is the assclown he appears to be, he will be too lazy to put any real effort into finding out info. If he asks about a new bf, the answer iis always yes, even if it really is a no. Your personal life is no longer his concern and any further contact is seen as harrassment and dealt with in a legal manner. Don't try to find any new info about him either, and viola! You are now free! I know this is easy for me to say and hard for you to do, but it is the only sure-fire way to peace and happiness.

[TaintedLuv]

What he's doing is actually incredibly cruel. I think you know that. It's definitely not 'love'.

 

Can you not take more measures to block him on FB, restrict access to your timeline etc? I see you changed your number twice how did he get your new numbers both times?

 

Today I blocked everything and changed some address links. He got the new number by accident. I didnt update iMessage and it showed my new number when the 4G dropped and the response went through as SMS.

 

Sorry, he has no love for you. Just his ego. I have been in toxic relationships where I woud leave and the man would d anything to get me back. tears,promises, all of it. I would get sucked back in thinking it was love. Then I realized, this is not love. It is his ego not wanting another man to have what used to be his. When they no longer can control you and have your full attention. they flip out.

 

Your man has a pregnant wife and he still is being disrespectful. Says a lot about him. He wants no consequences. As for his pregnant wife. just too sad he allowed this situation o happen. If his marriage was unhappy, he should have left. Now he will have a child. I am sorry, but the level of immaturity and selfishness this man has is immense. You cannot see it now. But you will one day.

Your love for him will be gone one day when you realize he is not who you thought he was. You have idealized a man who is not a good man.

 

I advice you to look up Natalie Lue and read her blog,NOW!!!!. Your man is an Assclown. He comes back because he knows eventually he will wear you down and you will take him back. Problem is we are flattered by that and we think it is all about love. But this toxic situation has nothing to do with love.

He swears I'm the love of his life and if he gets a D, he ll be at my doorstep. He thinks my love for him will allow me to accept this child but he's wrong. He stabbed me in the heart to have this child. It wasn't already born so therefore I can't accept it. I'm not willing to share him forever now that he ll have to pay child support, alimony, etc. His W would now be part of my life. He's asking too much of me and it breaks my heart that if the opportunity arose, I would have to decline.

 

 

For the posters telling me to just tell the W, yes I'm sure that solves him bothering me but is it enough to ruin the W and new baby's lives?

[TaintedLuv]

From a man's perspective........ If you cease all contact/replies and post nothing in the public realm or on fb, he will be unable to monitor as easily. Any common friends/co workers you may have- keep any details about your personal life away from them. If your ex mm is the assclown he appears to be, he will be too lazy to put any real effort into finding out info. If he asks about a new bf, the answer iis always yes, even if it really is a no. Your personal life is no longer his concern and any further contact is seen as harrassment and dealt with in a legal manner. Don't try to find any new info about him either, and viola! You are now free! I know this is easy for me to say and hard for you to do, but it is the only sure-fire way to peace and happiness.

 

Nothing is public. He made another fb profile to see what he could since I blocked his name. Other than that. I think everything's on lockdown on my end. We have no one in common online or in real life.

[TaintedLuv]

Sorry, he has no love for you. Just his ego. I have been in toxic relationships where I woud leave and the man would d anything to get me back. tears,promises, all of it. I would get sucked back in thinking it was love. Then I realized, this is not love. It is his ego not wanting another man to have what used to be his. When they no longer can control you and have your full attention. they flip out.

 

Your man has a pregnant wife and he still is being disrespectful. Says a lot about him. He wants no consequences. As for his pregnant wife. just too sad he allowed this situation o happen. If his marriage was unhappy, he should have left. Now he will have a child. I am sorry, but the level of immaturity and selfishness this man has is immense. You cannot see it now. But you will one day.

Your love for him will be gone one day when you realize he is not who you thought he was. You have idealized a man who is not a good man.

 

I advice you to look up Natalie Lue and read her blog,NOW!!!!. Your man is an Assclown. He comes back because he knows eventually he will wear you down and you will take him back. Problem is we are flattered by that and we think it is all about love. But this toxic situation has nothing to do with love.

Can't edit so ps he doesn't want the baby. He hasn't been to a sonogram since the first one back in January. I feel bad for the W but she kept nagging. Now she got what she wanted but I don't know if it's worth it when he's barely around. If we re NC he's constantly out of the house because he's gotta clear "his mind".

 

I see what he's doing now. I'm definitely no longer in the fog but regardless of how horrible he has been outside our A to me with what he's done, I will always love him. That doesn't mean that I should continue to hold on though.

[trailrunner1975]

I see.....ok since he enjoys looking at pictures why not be creative. Find some MMA-type guy with a scar and some tats to pose in a pic or two with you smiling. If you tell the person why you are doing it I'm sure they will be delighted to pose I know you can't control his stalker-like persona, so you may as well have fun with it! I am kidding around about the MMA person but joking aside get out there and have fun- you are finally free now!

[Calcmag]

Today I blocked everything and changed some address links. He got the new number by accident. I didnt update iMessage and it showed my new number when the 4G dropped and the response went through as SMS.

 

 

 

Ok, that's a good start. From now on do not reply to him or engage him in any way . For FB, to prevent him seeing your page make it visible only to friends. I know it's a nuisance having to make adaptations like this and you think 'why should I be inconvenienced because of him?' but that's the price you may have to pay for a while.

Alternatively, depending where you live, if you've got proof (ie old email/sms etc) that you've told him to not contact you again can you get some legal advice to stop him, or at least scare him into stopping?

[jlola]

Today I blocked everything and changed some address links. He got the new number by accident. I didnt update iMessage and it showed my new number when the 4G dropped and the response went through as SMS.

 

 

He swears I'm the love of his life and if he gets a D, he ll be at my doorstep. He thinks my love for him will allow me to accept this child but he's wrong. He stabbed me in the heart to have this child. It wasn't already born so therefore I can't accept it. I'm not willing to share him forever now that he ll have to pay child support, alimony, etc. His W would now be part of my life. He's asking too much of me and it breaks my heart that if the opportunity arose, I would have to decline.

 

 

For the posters telling me to just tell the W, yes I'm sure that solves him bothering me but is it enough to ruin the W and new baby's lives?

 

I agree with not telling his wife. Not at this time. i feel so bad for her. How any man can continue to chase a woman when his baby is due is heartless!

 

Understand one thing. This may be harsh, but you are not the love of his life. He thinks you are. He does not understand what love is.

This is a man who could have left his situation. But he chose to make it worse. he knew his wife wanted a baby. But he was unwilling to sit her down and tell her the marriage was not working. Perhaps they needed a trial separation and stay out of her bed.

 

But he has no boundaries and no impulse control.

 

He chose to have sex with her and the consequences happened. He is not one to think of consequences. Again, please look up "Natalie Lue". read her website. You are not seeing this man realistically. You are taking his declarations of love as true. He has no idea what love is. None! He is immature.

[TaintedLuv]

Ok, that's a good start. From now on do not reply to him or engage him in any way . For FB, to prevent him seeing your page make it visible only to friends. I know it's a nuisance having to make adaptations like this and you think 'why should I be inconvenienced because of him?' but that's the price you may have to pay for a while.

Alternatively, depending where you live, if you've got proof (ie old email/sms etc) that you've told him to not contact you again can you get some legal advice to stop him, or at least scare him into stopping?

 

This last NC, that's exactly what I did. Zero responses from me. When that happened, he started with the please answer me nonsense and kept going til I did. Ill change my number if he tries this again. But it's so embarrassing to constantly have to update people with a new number esp with anything work related.

[TaintedLuv]

I agree with not telling his wife. Not at this time. i feel so bad for her. How any man can continue to chase a woman when his baby is due is heartless!

 

Understand one thing. This may be harsh, but you are not the love of his life. He thinks you are. He does not understand what love is.

This is a man who could have left his situation. But he chose to make it worse. he knew his wife wanted a baby. But he was unwilling to sit her down and tell her the marriage was not working. Perhaps they needed a trial separation and stay out of her bed.

 

But he has no boundaries and no impulse control.

 

He chose to have sex with her and the consequences happened. He is not one to think of consequences. Again, please look up "Natalie Lue". read her website. You are not seeing this man realistically. You are taking his declarations of love as true. He has no idea what love is. None! He is immature.

Oh I didn't say that I believe him. I'm sure he has some attachment to me but I agree with everything u said. He doesn't know what love is. His life has been served on a silver platter and he went along with what everyone told him to do. This baby was the only way this could end because he would still be sitting there, not chosing a side. The pregnancy was planned. She just wasnt supposed to be able to get pregnant. He thought he was buying himself another year or two before ivf would be the last option. He said he felt guilty for cheating on her and now that she's 32, he didnt want to rob her of the only thing she ever wanted. I would be devastated at his actions as a soon to be father ie little involvement if this was my H. I blame all three of us really. Her for ignoring her Hs behavior, him for being a coward and me for participating.

Edited August 20, 2013 by TaintedLuv

[trailrunner1975]

Simple enough........a no contact order would suffice in this case. Tell him as much the next time he contacts you. Any further contact: do it. He's lucky you have let it go this far as it is.

[TaintedLuv]

I loathe this man. Everything about him.

 

I have advocated from the start that you tell his wife. Initially I said 2-3 mo after baby was born. At this point, it would probably be in her best interest to know BEFORE baby is born, so she can kick him out and he cant attend the birth.

 

You will not be destroying the baby's life. You will be HELPING the baby's life. I cannot emphasize this enough.

 

Deactivate FB and all social media. Sucks but just do it. Change your # again. Sucks but just do it.

 

YOU are the # 1 priority. Do what you have to do.

 

If you dont, I cant help but wonder if part of you wants to leave doors opened for him. I hope not.

Only thing left is my number. If he contacts me again, ill change it right then and there. This isn't right. I just want to salvage my life and I pray to god that there's still a chance for me to find love and be happy again.

 

The door was open for five years, it's shut now. The baby is a deal breaker for me.

[jlola]

Oh I didn't say that I believe him. I'm sure he has some attachment to me but I agree with everything u said. He doesn't know what love is. His life has been served on a silver platter and he went along with what everyone told him to do. This baby was the only way this could end because he would still be sitting there, not chosing a side. The pregnancy was planned. She just wasnt supposed to be able to get pregnant. He thought he was buying himself another year or two before ivf would be the last option. He said he felt guilty for cheating on her and now that she's 32, he didnt want to rob her of the only thing she ever wanted. I would be devastated at his actions as a soon to be father ie little involvement if this was my H. I blame all three of us really. Her for ignoring her Hs behavior, him for being a coward and me for participating.

 

So he purposely got her pregnant? He must have known this would destroy you and your relationship. But he did it anyway. It seems he is not going along with what everyone says ,as you seem to think, He does what HE WANTS TO DO!!

 

Then he pretends to be a martyr for doing it. So giving his wife a child to raise and then leaving her would have been better? Putting a child in this situation is the great favor he as willing to do for his wife?

How arrogant of him.

 

He wanted to get her pregnant. He too wanted this child. He blames her, but it not about he,not about you. It's all about him.

 

His logic sucks! He is too emotionally immature for any relationship. You will heal and realize years from now his true character. You will love another. But this time, you will love one who is deserving and you will understand what true love is.

Right now, you are in a toxic relationship. Been there. They are the most dramatic rollercoaster ride ever. You mistake the emotions you have in these relationships for love. The highs and the lows make you think "noone has ever made me feel this way before. It must be love." But it is not love. It is your (and I have been there) twisted version of what love is. You need to heal yourself and understand these toxic relationships have little to do with love. But they have you believing all this pain must be caused because of love.

[TaintedLuv]

So he purposely got her pregnant? He must have known this would destroy you and your relationship. But he did it anyway. It seems he is not going along with what everyone says ,as you seem to think, He does what HE WANTS TO DO!!

 

Then he pretends to be a martyr for doing it. So giving his wife a child to raise and then leaving her would have been better? Putting a child in this situation is the great favor he as willing to do for his wife?

How arrogant of him.

 

He wanted to get her pregnant. He too wanted this child. He blames her, but it not about he,not about you. It's all about him.

 

His logic sucks! He is too emotionally immature for any relationship. You will heal and realize years from now his true character. You will love another. But this time, you will love one who is deserving and you will understand what true love is.

Right now, you are in a toxic relationship. Been there. They are the most dramatic rollercoaster ride ever. You mistake the emotions you have in these relationships for love. The highs and the lows make you think "noone has ever made me feel this way before. It must be love." But it is not love. It is your (and I have been there) twisted version of what love is. You need to heal yourself and understand these toxic relationships have little to do with love. But they have you believing all this pain must be caused because of love.

His logic most definitely is twisted. I don't disagree with u once again. These are all things that have already crossed my mind. He has this "woe is me" syndrome. "Now I have to sit back and watch u get married, boohoo". There was always an option. He was too comfortable to make a change. After all, his W lets him get away with murder. He lives the life of a single man while precious little wifey waits for him at home 24-7. He knows that wouldn't fly with me. He's been honest about everything now that he ruined us. He will answer any question I ask. I asked him how he proposed and guess what? If a man proposed to me like he did, I would've said no. This seems to be a reoccurring trend in their relationship.

[Red Wolverine]

Today I blocked everything and changed some address links. He got the new number by accident. I didnt update iMessage and it showed my new number when the 4G dropped and the response went through as SMS.

 

 

He swears I'm the love of his life and if he gets a D, he ll be at my doorstep. He thinks my love for him will allow me to accept this child but he's wrong. He stabbed me in the heart to have this child. It wasn't already born so therefore I can't accept it. I'm not willing to share him forever now that he ll have to pay child support, alimony, etc. His W would now be part of my life. He's asking too much of me and it breaks my heart that if the opportunity arose, I would have to decline.

 

 

For the posters telling me to just tell the W, yes I'm sure that solves him bothering me but is it enough to ruin the W and new baby's lives?

 

You said, "If he gets a divorce " and you'd have to decline if that opportunity arose. Neither will happen. You know that yet believe your actions aren't impacting his wife's life because you haven't told her.

 

I'm all for being accountable but it truly blows my mind that you have taken responsibility for his family (from him) yet still ride the fence.

 

He's not pulling you into a dark place. You're jumping.

[TaintedLuv]

You said, "If he gets a divorce " and you'd have to decline if that opportunity arose. Neither will happen. You know that yet believe your actions aren't impacting his wife's life because you haven't told her.

 

I'm all for being accountable but it truly blows my mind that you have taken responsibility for his family (from him) yet still ride the fence.

 

He's not pulling you into a dark place. You're jumping.

 

I guess it just comes down to not wanting to be apart of that. If he wanted a D, he would've gotten one before a baby was even in the picture. She seems to be indifferent regardless of what he does so what am I solving by telling her? I'd love to understand Ur perspective but I guess I just don't get it.

[jlola]

His logic most definitely is twisted. I don't disagree with u once again. These are all things that have already crossed my mind. He has this "woe is me" syndrome. "Now I have to sit back and watch u get married, boohoo". There was always an option. He was too comfortable to make a change. After all, his W lets him get away with murder. He lives the life of a single man while precious little wifey waits for him at home 24-7. He knows that wouldn't fly with me. He's been honest about everything now that he ruined us. He will answer any question I ask. I asked him how he proposed and guess what? If a man proposed to me like he did, I would've said no. This seems to be a reoccurring trend in their relationship.

 

His answering your questions now is called damage control. He has to be on best behavior to get you back on his side. As to how he treats his ife. You see it and you are ok with it? As long as it is not you? Let me say one thing, look at the behavior he is capable of. Does that not tell you who he is and how disrespectful he can be?

 

As long as you are not the one he treats this way. But you would be. Do not fool yourself. You are already putting up with way more than you would have in any relationship. He has proof you have high tolerance for bs. For 5 years you have sat around and waited. This with no kids,home,family ties,marriage. Why? if you are the type not to put up with crap, why did you stay for all these years and keep taking him back?

 

Like a frog boiling in a pot with the temperature slowly turning up, you would not even realize you are being cooked!

 

I have a friend who was dating a man with bad character. i would tell her to pay attention, but her logic was "so what if he treats others badly. he is good to me". Guess what happened to her once he got his hooks in her and the relationship went deeper and they moved in together?

 

. She started getting his disrespect. But he would cry and beg and promise and make excuses and lure her back in. She thought she was immune. But the deeper she got, the harder it was to get out.

 

I told her this man did not know how to love and he was toxic from the beginning. But she just thought she was tooo special to him to ever be treated the way he showed her he can treat others.