Vicereine Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 Hi, I haven't had any luck with getting advice so I thought I'd ask here. I will have been with my boyfriend for 5 months on the 10th, things have been going really well but there's been an underlying problem for 2 months or so now. I actually thought things were changing but I found out the other night that they have not. My boyfriend says that he does not know why he doesn't feel more for me than he does. He says it's nothing to do with me so we're both thinking it might have to do with his last relationship. From what I know it was pretty serious, they lived together and everything. He tells me that even though they had broken up 8 or 9 months before we got together there had been some complications that made it a bad break up, such as thinking of getting back together. So because it was not a clean break and dragged on for awhile he thinks he was on the rebound, things moved very fast with us, he had told me he thinks he loves me within the first week we met (we actually knew each other online for about 2 months beforehand), I believe this scared him and he backed off (which is when I noticed this problem). He decided that we should just take it one day at a time, which is fine with me, it's not like I was planning weddings! Anyway, our conversation the other night touched on the idea of breaking up. He doesn't want to hurt me or feel like I'm being used because he doesn't have as strong of feelings for me as I do for him. I told him if baggage from the last relationship is the issue then I think he needs to work out that problem anyway, I'd rather try that first than just call it quits like that. Neither of us wants to be in a dead end relationship but we also don't want to break up. I understand he just might need more time, I'm ok right now, I mean it can be a little upsetting sometimes but I'm willing to try it out awhile longer. I don't want to give up on my first serious relationship that easily!
loudeeley Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 every relationship is different, but this looks like a clear case of rebound. he even acknowledges it's rebound. the thing about long/serious/intense relationships is that they generally take a bit of getting over. the fact that he respects you enough to let you know how he is feeling shows that he is a lovely guy. but the fact is he will probably never really heal from his last relationship while he is with you. he needs space and i think you should give it to him. if you understand and back off, tell him to take his time, he may get over the last relationship and you will be able to try it again in a while. or you may never get back together. or he may miss you terribly and realise that it wasn't rebound, but something real. either way, it seems that for whatever reason, he wants out and you not listening to that will just lead to more heartbreak for you. good luck
Author Vicereine Posted November 13, 2004 Author Posted November 13, 2004 Taken into consideration. Could I get some more feedback please.
Author Vicereine Posted November 13, 2004 Author Posted November 13, 2004 Scratch that, we broke it off, he wants to try it out 'being friends' to see where it will go since we pretty much jumped right into a serious relationship. I could use some advice on dealing with being dumped though. Another first for me.
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