MrTurk Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I even had a woman do it to me that is IN the group socially, of people I know from work. I can totally understand a stranger doing it....ignoring someone after a date....I dont agree with it, but I am not surprised by it. But this woman and myself went to dinner....and then we hung out the next day as I helped her around the area, since she was in the market for a house. A few days later....I asked if shed like to get together for the weekend.....she said she was busy, and going out of town but to call her monday. I called her monday.....she answered, said she was busy with her daughter....and that shed call me back later that evening. Do you think she ever called back??? NO. And then I see her out a few months later....in the same group of people that me and her know.....and she acts as if nothing ever happened When she saw me...."Hey how are you?" There are so many women that act exactly like that......total disregard for their own actions! .
Star Gazer Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Welp, this is convenient timing. Guy I went out with last week literally just texted, asking for a second date. I told him: "I enjoyed meeting you, but don't feel we're a good match. I wish you the best of luck; I'll keep an eye out for your book, definitely want to read it. :)" Response? "Thanks for the honesty. I didn't think you were all that special, but right now I'd be happy with a mop." And with that, I've solidified my "do not respond" approach. 1
TheBigQuestion Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Welp, this is convenient timing. Guy I went out with last week literally just texted, asking for a second date. I told him: "I enjoyed meeting you, but don't feel we're a good match. I wish you the best of luck; I'll keep an eye out for your book, definitely want to read it. :)" Response? "Thanks for the honesty. I didn't think you were all that special, but right now I'd be happy with a mop." And with that, I've solidified my "do not respond" approach. I still don't quite understand how that response justifies your "do not respond" approach. What exactly did that response DO to you, other than take 5 seconds of your life to read it? 1
Star Gazer Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 If a woman meets a guy.... and at the end of the 1st meeting.... she says she had a good time.... and would like to do it again.... and the guy tries to get in touch for a 2nd meeting.... and she ignores him, or gives him the run around(knowing full well she doesnt want to see him again) Then YES it is rude to do that That has been the scenario to EVERY woman I have met through OLD. The one woman even initiated making out with me in my car....and still ignored me when I tried to contact her later on. . I never say I would like to do it again if I don't mean it. "Nice to meet you; take care!" is what comes out of my mouth.
Star Gazer Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I still don't quite understand how that response justifies your "do not respond" approach. What exactly did that response DO to you, other than take 5 seconds of your life to read it? Why are you so hell bent on getting a response to an OLD message or after ONE SINGLE MEETING? Both men and women avoid responding to OLD messages and after one MEETING.
Taramere Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Generally I would think that the kind of person who enjoys watching others squirm - regardless of the circumstances - is probably going to be the kind of person who finds a lot of their calls going unreturned. Feeling comfortable around a person is a pretty basic requisite for wanting to see them again, after all. 3
MrTurk Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I still don't quite understand how that response justifies your "do not respond" approach. What exactly did that response DO to you, other than take 5 seconds of your life to read it? Its funny how you can read thread after thread on here......and women will tell us guys not to get discouraged about dating....and dont let this girl or that girl hurt you.....and dont take it out on the next woman....etc, etc.... But when it comes to women responding with a "thanks no thanks"......after they get burned once.....they totally shut down and sense of consideration or humanity as far as cordial interaction goes. Its always a double standard with women and what they tell us to do....and how we should act.....compared to what they do....and how they act. . 1
MrTurk Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Why are you so hell bent on getting a response to an OLD message or after ONE SINGLE MEETING? Both men and women avoid responding to OLD messages and after one MEETING. I feel its just good ole fashion respect. I am talking about after meeting the first time. If the feelings are not mutual....the party that is bowing out should inform the interested party that they are not interested. It cant get an easier than that .
TheBigQuestion Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 (edited) Why are you so hell bent on getting a response to an OLD message or after ONE SINGLE MEETING? Both men and women avoid responding to OLD messages and after one MEETING. I'm not hellbent on anything (and I never advocated responding to every OLD message. I've strictly been talking about a scenario where one has already been out with the person). I'm in an LTR nearly 3 years running and I've never used OLD. I'm trying to figure out how a handful of childish responses after you've presumably received hundreds of messages on OLD and been on a number of dates in the same number range justifies you thinking that it is unnecessary to vocalize your lack of desire to see the person again. I can't help but think you must be very emotionally fragile if some guy making a crude remark about your private parts, or especially some guy saying you "aren't special," is enough to make you abandon good manners. Edited August 20, 2013 by TheBigQuestion 2
MrTurk Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Why are you so hell bent on getting a response to an OLD message or after ONE SINGLE MEETING? Both men and women avoid responding to OLD messages and after one MEETING. I dont understand how women act as if 1 meeting means absolutely nothing in their mind....and that since its nothing....it justifies a ignoring the guy with no response after the fact??? Both of you took time out of your day and planned a scheduled meeting. You met face to face and invested personal interaction to see if any possible chemistry exists.... But it seems most of the female population sees nothing wrong with just ignoring a guy after all that as long as shes not interested. Its very callus if you ask me .
Anela Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 BS and just another common, massive rationalization in a line of them whenever this topic comes up. MANY men do no such thing when told "thanks but no thanks." I've seen many threads on the OP topic here, yet -none- where a man "went apesh-t" when told simply "no thanks." If one finds oneself hearing that kind of response frequently, perhaps the proper response is to reevaluate whom one is choosing to date as opposed to rationalizing universal rudeness to all men one dates in the future. I used to write back to everyone on those sites - even the "hey sexy" ones, just to be polite. Did the men I wrote to, who weren't interested, say anything in response to me? A grand total of TWO men responded to me, and didn't even directly say, "no thanks," but were nice, and it was clear that they weren't interested. They were just being polite. The rest of them totally ignored me. Am I supposed to bug them and watch them squirm? Do you think they'd made a terrible mistake, if I did that to them? They'd probably be thinking, "Bullet, dodged!" 1
MrTurk Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I can't help but think you must be very emotionally fragile if some guy making a crude remark about your private parts, or especially some guy saying you "aren't special," is enough to make you abandon good manners. I think some women over time....become rigid, and cold after being in the dating world. Espceially if its OLD. They no longer see the guy across from them as a person....he a statistic...and she just wasted her time yet again on a guy shes not interested in. Star Gazer....this isnt pointing the finger at you...I'm just saying in general....I can see how women probably fall into that scenario. .
Anela Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I used to write back to everyone on those sites - even the "hey sexy" ones, just to be polite. Did the men I wrote to, who weren't interested, say anything in response to me? A grand total of TWO men responded to me, and didn't even directly say, "no thanks," but were nice, and it was clear that they weren't interested. They were just being polite. The rest of them totally ignored me. Am I supposed to bug them and watch them squirm? Do you think they'd made a terrible mistake, if I did that to them? They'd probably be thinking, "Bullet, dodged!" This was supposed to say, "Do you think they would think they'd made a terrible mistake?" I couldn't edit.
TheBigQuestion Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I think some women over time....become rigid, and cold after being in the dating world. Espceially if its OLD. They no longer see the guy across from them as a person....he a statistic...and she just wasted her time yet again on a guy shes not interested in. Star Gazer....this isnt pointing the finger at you...I'm just saying in general....I can see how women probably fall into that scenario. . Get off of OLD. It has the same effect on men. I'm not saying you've necessarily become "cold," but from your description, it hasn't exactly enriched your life, has it? 1
MrTurk Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 This was supposed to say, "Do you think they would think they'd made a terrible mistake?" I couldn't edit. The guys on here are talking about how women ignore us after we meet in person....without as much as a polite "thanks but no thanks" but the women keep talking about a totally different subject We are not talking about responding to EVERY message you get in your email! .
Anela Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 The guys on here are talking about how women ignore us after we meet in person....without as much as a polite "thanks but no thanks" but the women keep talking about a totally different subject We are not talking about responding to EVERY message you get in your email! . That's because Star was talking about men who couldn't even handle a rejection online, without even having met in person. They went crazy on her, because she didn't respond! It could put someone off even meeting anyone else in person. And how many men have you heard about, who will not only go out to dinner with someone, and never call again, but have sex with them, and never call again?? It's an age-old thing. I understand feeling hurt, but this isn't just something that women do! And not all women will do it.
TheBigQuestion Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I understand feeling hurt, but this isn't just something that women do! And not all women will do it. And no one made either of these claims. Discussing instances of arguably poor behavior on the part of women does not entail the proposition that all women do it, nor does it entail that only women do it, nor does it entail that men never do it.
MrTurk Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 And no one made either of these claims. Discussing instances of arguably poor behavior on the part of women does not entail the proposition that all women do it, nor does it entail that only women do it, nor does it entail that men never do it. Responding with "Men do it too" is simply a way of side stepping the topic. Yes...we know men do it....go make a thread about what the men do. The OP is simply stating his experience. I'd love to see a gay forum with women complaining about what other women do....and one of them slip up and say... "Well men do it..oh wait never mind" .
KathyM Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Unfortunately, it's the jerky guys that ruin it for others who would politely handle a nicely worded rejection. My sister experienced very much the same as StarGazer has when she did OLD. Many men responded with some snide remark, insult, nastiness or interrogation when my sister politely turned them down with a "Sorry, I don't think we have enough in common", or words to that effect. After so many nasty responses, she finally gave up responding at all to men she was not interested in. She would still give a polite rejection to those she had met once, even though some of those would get nasty and start to interrogate or argue. I do think, if a guy spends the time to meet you, you do owe him some type of response afterwards if he contacts you again, even if it is a rejection, rather than just ignore, but certainly for those who are just messaging and have not met, I can see why women would just choose to ignore those they were not interested in. There are way too many men that make nasty comments when they are politely rejected. You can blame your own gender for women not wanting to respond with a rejection. If men handled rejection better and more politely, women would be more inclined to give them a polite rejection rather than ignoring them. 2
Star Gazer Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Responding with "Men do it too" is simply a way of side stepping the topic. Yes...we know men do it....go make a thread about what the men do. The thread wasn't started about women, but "people." 2
Anela Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 The thread wasn't started about women, but "people." Thank you! Yes, the title clearly says, "people." If I'd met someone once, and they didn't call me afterwards, my previous response still stands. Do you think they'd be extremely attracted to me, if I made a big deal out of it, or do you think they'd be a little worried that I grew that attached to them so soon? Whenever I've felt like having an extreme reaction like that, I know that I'm in a bad place emotionally, but that the reaction will not garner the response that I want/need. It would just make things worse. 1
johan Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 My opinion is, response or no response, rejection is rejection. The next task for me is the same: move on. Good ole fashioned respect is worth pretty much nothing from someone I never expect to see again. I don't need acknowledgement or to be treated as a worthy human being. Those things I can provide myself. I need a second date. If not that then nothing is really just as good as a polite kiss off form letter. 5
MrTurk Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 My opinion is, response or no response, rejection is rejection. The next task for me is the same: move on. Yes...I agree. I do not let it bother me, and I do not harbor any negative feelings towards the next person. But on here....I am simply stating my opinion as to how I feel that its rude. There is no reason why anyone cant say "thanks but no thanks" . 2
johan Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Yes...I agree. I do not let it bother me, and I do not harbor any negative feelings towards the next person. But on here....I am simply stating my opinion as to how I feel that its rude. There is no reason why anyone cant say "thanks but no thanks" . I know where you're coming from, but I also can't figure out why it even matters. The only thing I'd protest is someone rejecting me in a way meant to be demeaning. 3
MrTurk Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I know where you're coming from, but I also can't figure out why it even matters. The only thing I'd protest is someone rejecting me in a way meant to be demeaning. It matters because at the end of the first meeting...they tell you they had a good time and would like to get together again..... But when you try to make plans for the 2nd date.....they either flat out ignore you...or give you the run around hoping you take the hint. Do the rest of you just take sh*t like that in stride....and assume its part of the normal dating routine???
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