serial muse Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 What did she do wrong? I still don't understand? I think it's quite clear that it doesn't matter at all at this point. 1
Star Gazer Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Its the "norm" to just blow people off and ignore them if the date doesnt go well. This is not a behavior unique to women on OLD sites. Men do it too. The reason why you're so upset is because you're not getting any bites from women in the first place. You consider their rejection of you inherently rude. Here's a clue: MANY guys go apesh*t when they're told, "Thanks, but no thanks." For MOST people, non-responsiveness after ONE date is the least awkward way to respond when not interested in a second date. 2
serial muse Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Sure, provided there is some reason why she didn't simply say "I already have plans with friends." I can't think of such a reason here that makes sense. Meant to say "subtext" not "context" before and the plain subtext is "I don't have any schedule conflict that precludes going out with you, but I will make one up instead of simply saying 'no'." Then later the made up schedule conflict proves dishonest. OP can surely clear this up further. Same reason, perhaps, that she didn't say "I'll be at work that night". Neither was said; therefore, why assume either must be the case?
TheBigQuestion Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Here's a clue: MANY guys go apesh*t when they're told, "Thanks, but no thanks." For MOST people, non-responsiveness after ONE date is the least awkward way to respond when not interested in a second date. And so what if they do? You write "thanks but no thanks." They go ape****. You block them for your OLD site, or block their texts if it got to that point. Problem solved. Just because a few jackasses might take rejection a little too personally, you feel justified in behaving rudely? Would you apply the same standard in any other social situation? 2
TheBigQuestion Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 What I take from the OP is the following: 1. There really isn't enough information to tell whether the woman in question did something conclusively wrong to OP when they originally met. 2. The woman did, however, deliver a half-hearted apology. If I was in that same exact situation, I wouldn't have even bothered trying to apologize. What's the point in feigning regret?
Star Gazer Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 BS and just another common, massive rationalization in a line of them whenever this topic comes up. MANY men do no such thing when told "thanks but no thanks." How on EARTH would you know?! Are you dating men??? Sorry, but you have no idea. I've had PLENTY of guys go CRAZY on me for simply not responding to their initial message, not even after a date. It happens quite often. 1
serial muse Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 BS and just another common, massive rationalization in a line of them whenever this topic comes up. MANY men do no such thing when told "thanks but no thanks." I've seen many threads on the OP topic here, yet -none- where a man "went apesh-t" when told simply "no thanks." If one finds oneself hearing that kind of response frequently, perhaps the proper response is to reevaluate whom one is choosing to date as opposed to rationalizing universal rudeness to all men one dates in the future. This, then, equally applies to any perception of rudeness in a chosen date? I cite MrTurk: Its the "norm" to just blow people off and ignore them if the date doesnt go well. of course every woman on this site will say shes never done that.....but I have never met 1 woman from OLD that has ever had the balls or maturity to tell me "It was nice meeting you, but I'm going to keep searching, take care" So should we turn the spotlight on MrTurk now, and tell him that he should reevaluate whom he is choosing to date rather than complaining about it? can we tell him that MANY women don't do any such thing? Well heck, why aren't "we" doing that right this very minute? If we're all meant to blame ourselves for what we see as others' rudeness, then let's ALL do so, bar none. That would, however, be the death of this thread. 2
serial muse Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 (edited) No, it could have been work, or guitar lessons or bathing the cat or washing her hair. That's not the point, the point is that whatever the "busy" part was turned out to be false. If she had legit plans already, why on earth wouldn't she simply say so? She had no plans, made fake ones up, and then those fake ones were shown to be dishonest. This is just like the woman who told me she had a sick sister and had to cancel. She either had no plans or plans with another guy. She lied about the sister, and when I caught her at the vid store, was caught in the lie. This isn't like that at all, because the woman in irc333's story wasn't caught in a lie. I maintain that being "busy" was not proven to be false in her case, by anybody, ever, at any time. Edited to add: I am honestly laughing out loud right now at the sheer ridiculousness of this whole thread. Shark, jumped. Oh, I give up. I leave the wise to wrangle. Edited August 20, 2013 by serial muse 4
TheBigQuestion Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 BS and just another common, massive rationalization in a line of them whenever this topic comes up. MANY men do no such thing when told "thanks but no thanks." I've seen many threads on the OP topic here, yet -none- where a man "went apesh-t" when told simply "no thanks." If one finds oneself hearing that kind of response frequently, perhaps the proper response is to reevaluate whom one is choosing to date as opposed to rationalizing universal rudeness to all men one dates in the future. I'm also interested in knowing what "going apes***" actually entails here. Is it a few statements expressing disappointment? Or is it death threats and stalking and things on that level? I could only see rudeness as justifiable if a woman frequently gets the latter as a result of telling men "thanks but no thanks." I'm not particularly sold on the notion that this is a frequent occurrence, especially in the context of this thread.
MrTurk Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 How on EARTH would you know?! Are you dating men??? Sorry, but you have no idea. I've had PLENTY of guys go CRAZY on me for simply not responding to their initial message, not even after a date. It happens quite often. Stop dating guys that wear Affliction shirts...problem solved
Star Gazer Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Because I've never done such, nor have I ever heard such from any man I know, have never heard "she said no and so I went off on her." Never. Unless you're reading your friends' OLD correspondence, you have no idea what they're doing. Many such men claim they're just "calling out a woman on her BS" when in reality they're attacking her for simply not responding. Just last week, I didn't respond to an initial email (because he was 25 and his profile picture belonged on AFF not Match), and wound up getting a follow up message from the guy telling me I needed to "douche out my rotting c*nt because I was too much of an old hag for him anyway." Not kidding. That guy could very well be one of your buddies, "just calling me out for being a picky princess."
Star Gazer Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Stop dating guys that wear Affliction shirts...problem solved You're not reading my posts, are you? I'm getting these messages from guys I never go out with to begin with.
Star Gazer Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I'm also interested in knowing what "going apes***" actually entails here. Is it a few statements expressing disappointment? Or is it death threats and stalking and things on that level? I could only see rudeness as justifiable if a woman frequently gets the latter as a result of telling men "thanks but no thanks." I'm not particularly sold on the notion that this is a frequent occurrence, especially in the context of this thread. See my post above for an example. It's happened enough times that if I'm not interested, I simply don't respond. If we've been on ONE date and I think he's a genuine, non-creepy guy but am just not feeling it, I'll tell him. Otherwise, silence does the trick.
TheBigQuestion Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I never actually used online dating, but if I had a date, or a few dates, with a woman who ended up ignoring me as a way to express her disinterest, yeah, I would definitely give her a piece of my mind. The fact that so many people refuse to do so is a reason why there is such little accountability in 21st century dating in the first place. Of course, even if I wrote a message like that with no death threats or outrageous personal attacks, that woman would probably describe me as "going apesh**" or "crazy" to others. Dave Chappelle said it best during one of his interviews after he supposedly "went apesh**" and left for Africa for a few months. I don't have the actual quote, but he made an excellent point about how calling someone "crazy" is a cop-out because it is dismissive. A convenient way to preempt considering the possibility that the supposed crazy person has a point.
Star Gazer Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 This thread, and the constant "squirming" in it says all a man needs to know to confirm the conclusions that mrturk posted previously. Many women think it their privilege to rationalize rudeness to men they have dated, and no amount of common sense manners will dissuade them from their rude behavior and privileged attitude. It's all deflection, smoke and rationalization of what is not at all a controversial point of treating people with basic manners and respect. Uh, I'm not squirming. And are you telling me that after ONE date with a woman, if you don't want to see her again, you call her up and tell her as much? YEAH RIGHT. You just go silent.
Star Gazer Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Wrong. Men talk about dates and dating just like women do. If a friend of mine had done such, I'd call him an a-hole and probably walk by him and fart. Riiiiiight. You share every little word. Riiiiight.
TheBigQuestion Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 See my post above for an example. It's happened enough times that if I'm not interested, I simply don't respond. If we've been on ONE date and I think he's a genuine, non-creepy guy but am just not feeling it, I'll tell him. Otherwise, silence does the trick. How many of those kinds of responses have you gotten after you've actually been on a date with a guy one or more times?
Star Gazer Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Just last week, I didn't respond to an initial email (because he was 25 and his profile picture belonged on AFF not Match), and wound up getting a follow up message from the guy telling me I needed to "douche out my rotting c*nt because I was too much of an old hag for him anyway." Not kidding. That guy could very well be one of your buddies, "just calling me out for being a picky princess." Repeating for those who've chosen to not read. And please make it clear if you're calling me a liar, and saying this and similar instances never happened, so that I can take note.
TheBigQuestion Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Uh, I'm not squirming. And are you telling me that after ONE date with a woman, if you don't want to see her again, you call her up and tell her as much? YEAH RIGHT. You just go silent. When I look back at every single person I've actually been on a date (or more than one date) with, yes, I did. Depending on how many dates we had been on, I even did it in person. One girl threatened to slash my tires. That didn't stop me from being principled.
Star Gazer Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 How many of those kinds of responses have you gotten after you've actually been on a date with a guy one or more times? Four or five over several years; but enough to leave a mark.
Star Gazer Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 When I look back at every single person I've actually been on a date (or more than one date) with, yes, I did. Depending on how many dates we had been on, I even did it in person. One girl threatened to slash my tires. That didn't stop me from being principled. Using Daesin's logic, since that has NEVER happened to me or ANY of my friends, it simply isn't true. NO MAN does this, and NO WOMAN reacts that way. See how ridiculous that sounds?
Star Gazer Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 translation "there are crazies in the world, and I reserve the right to rationalize continued rudeness against all the normal people of the world based on the actions of crazies because such rudeness makes things a little more easy and comfortable for me." It's not presumptively rude to not respond to an OLD message or a call/text after ONE MEETING.
TheBigQuestion Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Four or five over several years; but enough to leave a mark. Four or five instances, out of: (1) The total number of men who have messaged you on OLD sites, or otherwise tried to ask you out, to whom you have not responded or, in the latter case, affirmatively turned down; and (2) Men who you have been on dates with that you later affirmatively (rather than passively) turned down who did not react in as remotely a juvenile manner. What you're basically telling me is that a literal handful of vulgar remarks, the kinds made by middle-schoolers when they first hear some of the more exotic dirty words out there, has led to you advocating a degree of rudeness and lack of consideration that, in just about any other social situation, would be considered in appropriate.
MrTurk Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 It's not presumptively rude to not respond to an OLD message or a call/text after ONE MEETING. If a woman meets a guy.... and at the end of the 1st meeting.... she says she had a good time.... and would like to do it again.... and the guy tries to get in touch for a 2nd meeting.... and she ignores him, or gives him the run around(knowing full well she doesnt want to see him again) Then YES it is rude to do that That has been the scenario to EVERY woman I have met through OLD. The one woman even initiated making out with me in my car....and still ignored me when I tried to contact her later on. .
TheBigQuestion Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 If a woman meets a guy.... and at the end of the 1st meeting.... she says she had a good time.... and would like to do it again.... and the guy tries to get in touch for a 2nd meeting.... and she ignores him, or gives him the run around(knowing full well she doesnt want to see him again) Then YES it is rude to do that That has been the scenario to EVERY woman I have met through OLD. The one woman even initiated making out with me in my car....and still ignored me when I tried to contact her later on. . Even though some of this is almost certainly your fault, it wouldn't surprise me if people would chime in this thread and try to minimize the women's role in your experiences.
Recommended Posts