Lasticee Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 My ex dumped me after 3 years together (we got together at 17), initially saying that he needs to "find himself", right after a big fight. We were on and off after that, the whole time I wasn't aware that he was flirting with other girls (which he still deny to this day even though I saw proof). I'm doing everything I can to move on: NC, hanging out with friends and family, studying hard in school. In the back of my mind I have tons of reasons why he's not a good guy for me. He's a coward who lies when there's a full-on confrontation, he's way too laid back and stoic for my bubbly personality, and he's so cocky and hypocritical. YET, none of those things seem to matter lately. I only think about the good things about him which is how hardworking, smart, and confident he is. Before this week, I was doing pretty good. But now all I can think of is how impossible it seems for me to just completely cut him out of my life as if we never happened. He seems to do fine making it seem like I never existed though. It's like those 3 years were all a lie. All those I love you's and talks about "I want to build a future for us" were all just lies.. All the attention I get from guys don't even matter because all I want is for him to want me again. I just don't understand what I did so wrong for him to just act like I'm worthless. If anything, it should be me thinking that since he hurt me so many times..
Philosoraptor Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 After a time the reasons that something wasn't good for you evaporate and all you see is the good. But trust that those reasons are still quite valid and the only reason they seem less important now is the distance between dealing with them. From what you summed up there, he's an emotionless liar and an *******. Other than your history together, what else are you really losing? You can find a guy who is open, honest, and respectful and have better dreams and a more positive future together.
Author Lasticee Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 After a time the reasons that something wasn't good for you evaporate and all you see is the good. Does that apply to dumpers as well? You do make a point though, that I can find someone who's better. It's just I feel so lonely lately, which makes me miss having here more. He wasn't always emotionless, only when I confront him about something he did. Other than that, he was attentive, caring, and supportive. I guess thats why I miss him so much. I have girlfriends and family who care and supports me, I just miss the attention I got from him. Philoso, what's your story? How did you get over and forget about your ex?
Knoxpwns Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Lol, he did the good ol' fashioned "Find Myself" deflection technique. Classic. I was fed that line myself, I'm pretty sure it never has once been used in the literal context. For myself, when my ex-gf of 6 yrs decided to "find herself" what she actually meant is she wants to find someone elses junk between her legs. The only thing that heals it is time, time, time. I would have given her the world and she spit it in my face. Why would I want to keep that? Your ex bf is a tool. You should want to cut him from your life because he is caustic. I learned the hard way no amount of love can effect someone who doesn't give it back to you. The part that makes me the most sad is you put up a wall to keep other guys away. Your ex ruined his relationship with you; don't let him vicariously destroy the next ones. There are some of us guys out there who aren't looking to **** around people's back. The fact that humans can treat other humans the way they do is mind boggling. Obviously if you aren't ready to meet new people even just in a friendly sort of way, then you aren't ready... just dont put up the blinders just because you don't want to let go. You to could possibly miss out on the opportunity to be with someone who loves you unconditionally.
Philosoraptor Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Does that apply to dumpers as well? Yes, and it oftentimes causes them to come back and "use" the dumpee for a fix. Then dump them later as the reasons to leave are still present. Philoso, what's your story? How did you get over and forget about your ex? I took the same advice I give. I realized I am more important than to settle for not being fully happy. After a 5 year relationship I moved on and just enjoyed my life. Patiently waited for a right fit, not just anyone. Now I'm currently exactly 10 months from getting married to the right fit Of course this didn't happen over night, took close to a year. But the more you focus on yourself and let go of the ex, the faster you will allow yourself to heal. Figure out what you want, take care of yourself, and be patient. The world tends to work the rest out once you've done this.
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