LinkWorshiper Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 No need to repeat the saga of my ex and I, but I'll give a quick summary anyway. Basically after trying to be friends with my ex, who I still love dearly, I decided his back and forth emotions and his inability to figure out what he wanted was making to hard for me to be around him and we shouldn't see each other for a bit. During this time of NC, he wrote me an intense letter about how how he'd ****ed up and the things he was doing to improve himself. He also said he wasn't happy being casual acquaintances but now was the time to be strong. I wrote him back and expressed my feelings about what he said and the time he needed to grow, and that I forgave him. We went about a month with NC. He blocked me on FB and we didn't communicate at all until about two weeks ago. When I was scrolling through FB, I saw a post from a mutual friend that made it sound like they were going to play a gig at a bar or something, and I was excited because I'd really encouraged my ex to be more serious about learning to play the bass. So I texted him good luck. He responded to me with a lot of depressed brain barf about why would I think that he would be doing anything with anybody, no one reaches out to him or responds to his texts. I told him if he needed someone to talk to, he could talk to me, and he at least admitted he had someone, but thanks for the offer, and then apologized again for never taking time to focus on himself and his problems after I apologized for never talking to him about mine and showing support. The next day, he texted to tell me that he unblocked me on FB because he realized it was immature and petty and that I seemed to be in a better place where I wouldn't react negatively to his posts. I told him I appreciated it, but if he thought I was saying anything differently than what I'd been saying months ago, he still had a long way to go, but good job and keep up the good work, you're getting there. No reply. Flash forward to last Thursday, I texted him because I wanted to. I saw something online that made me think of him and I just wanted to tell him how I felt. I didn't expect an answer, but he ended up calling me, and we talked until I was falling asleep on the line about many things. He was a little confusing and inconsistent, but the conversation generally revolved around our emotional states and feelings and such. He told me about how he's been spending a lot of time with his family and was currently organizing a big family reunion, and when I tried to tell him about the hobbies I'd picked up in the past few months, his response was that he already knew because he'd been keeping up with my Tumblr. Which surprised, worried and confused me because 1) I don't really update Tumblr that much relatively speaking, and it's not the first place most people would think to internet stalk me and 2) because I don't use it that much, I had used it to vent some of my feelings about him when he was really push/pulling me around, and I worry he made opinions about me based on that. But then he also told me he didn't think I was a negative person at all when I asked if he thought that, and he was upset when I questioned if his letter was a lot of flowery words that didn't mean anything. I also told him how he made me feel and how he wasn't a person I was going to tell to screw off so easily because of that -- and made sure he knew I have had no problems doing so in the past to other people. In general, I think the conversation was positive. It ended with him saying that once he was finished with the family reunion stuff, he would like to talk more and then wished me a good night. We're supposed to be going to the same party in a week, which I'm kind of worried about, but I guess I'm trying to figure out what the most healthy and productive way is to proceed? I think this is a good indication he is really making some positive changes, but I want to protect myself at the same time. I guess I wish I had some perspective on what he might be thinking -- if maybe he's being cautious too? And how to proceed without messing anything up.
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