Jiminy Cricket Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I want my baby back in my arms. She no longer feels the same way. she didn't want to break up but needed to because it was getting unhealthy for both of us. she told me i need someone who will love me the way i do. the thing is that i still want her. what steps should i take?
aspiringuitarheroine Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I want my baby back in my arms. She no longer feels the same way. she didn't want to break up but needed to because it was getting unhealthy for both of us. she told me i need someone who will love me the way i do. the thing is that i still want her. what steps should i take? You know what to do. Your control on this situation is over. It is up to her. Badgering and pleading and asking her to come back will not change anything. You have to go NC and begin the healing process. Good luck.
barky2 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 What to do? I think you know. What would I do? Id say hey listen, I want to be with you I love you ect say you respect you enough that if you don't want to be with me OK, I'll leave you alone. Leave the ball in her court and RUN away with NO CONTACT . Talking to her WILL push her even further. Every time you reach out think of it this way, 1 text is 1 week away your pushing her away. Let her know, then be gone. Walk away knowing shell never come back. I've been there dude its not easy. You need to be THAT guy, confident funny and HAPPY. That's the best chance to get her back. It will take months...even longer Do not wait. Barky 1
lylat333 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 (edited) Sorry to hear about your situation. I know it's tough because at this point, you feel like you have no control, and the truth is you don't have much control. I agree with barky, if you haven't completely pushed her over the edge yet, send a sincere form of communication that simply states how you feel about her and want to work things out, but that you understand she wants space and are going to respect that. Then, you start respecting it, no exceptions. No Contact whatsoever, the ball is now in her court and any pleading or pressure will trample over the respect you said you were going to show. She may or may not have a change of heart, but you will come out looking your best if you excuse yourself with dignity and grace. Do not show any weakness for her to see. if you do, she won't pity you, I promise. It will only serve to boost her ego. The key to getting an ex back is for them to miss you, second-guess their own decision, and start to feel the grass isn't greener anywhere else. Try to allow yourself to accept the situation is out of your hands and don't let something you can't control keep you from enjoying and improving other aspects of your life. Eat well, go for some walks, maybe buy a few new clothes. Wishing you the best. Edited August 21, 2013 by lylat333
lonegirl Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Hi Jiminy, something similar happened to me. I broke up loving him too much because our relationship was toxic... funny is i said the same words to him. As someone that is still suffering with the break up, and still loving him, i advise you to not try to pull her back right now. Give her some time to heal and process, and most of all to miss you. I started to really miss my ex after 3 weeks of no contact. Wait a bit, work on yourself and on what caused the biggest issues on your side, but with YOURSELF in mind always, and send her a nice message showing her your real intentions in the future. Don't beg, as it will push her away. Be honest and mature, and most important, be prepared for a "no" as well. Best of luck to you. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 You should do absolutely nothing. Because it's not up to you. You can want her back more than any dumpee has wanted a dumper back in the history of the world, but unless she wants it, it doesn't matter. At all. And there's nothing you can do to convince her, there's no magic formula. There are a million things to do that can convince her that her decision is right (contacting her would do this), so work on moving forward for yourself.
Mcnulty Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 A step back is key to what you want. I was going to say a handwritten letter, which is what i did, but depends on how much time has elapsed and how stressed she is etc. I sent a letter, then left her be for 4 whole months...effin nightmare it was, really got me depressed...she has come back...I'm not going to appear smug or glib about it, I don't know what's going to happen, but the above worked for me and I thank my lucky stars...I wish you luck.
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 A step back is key to what you want. I was going to say a handwritten letter, which is what i did, but depends on how much time has elapsed and how stressed she is etc. I sent a letter, then left her be for 4 whole months...effin nightmare it was, really got me depressed...she has come back...I'm not going to appear smug or glib about it, I don't know what's going to happen, but the above worked for me and I thank my lucky stars...I wish you luck. i've written letters to her in the past, but never handwritten. when our relationship became rocky and was close to the edge, i sent a long letter, and it helped worked. she came begging me to come back!
Simon Phoenix Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Bad idea on the letter. Horrible idea in fact. Write the letter for yourself, but never send it. Sending a letter after you break up does nothing but make you look weak, clingy and incompetent. 1
Mcnulty Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 You sure about that Simon??? Like i said, depends on time frames and if she loves him.
MrE_UK Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 (edited) I want my baby back in my arms. She no longer feels the same way. she didn't want to break up but needed to because it was getting unhealthy for both of us. she told me i need someone who will love me the way i do. the thing is that i still want her. what steps should i take? Hi, Sorry to hear you are suffering. Is never easy. Been separated myself now for over two months...am going to be frank! Steps: 1. Realise she's not your "baby" to look after - she's an independent, confident, strong woman who needs a man, not a Daddy. 2. She's given you a hint with, "She told me I need someone who will love me the way I do." In other words, you have issues you need to resolve - seek relationship counselling (and actually do!). you need to work out what went wrong, why it went wrong, what you can do to change for the future, and to help you cope with the loss. remember: change isn't overnight and takes time, hard work and commitment. 3. Let her go...you have no choice and is the best thing you can do right now - no matter what. Tell her, "My love for you and our life together is not a gaol. I want you to be happy. I obviously have some issues I am seeking to resolve for now, you've made me realise. You're free." 4. Become a better man and work on you: exercise, new hobby, improve your education, go for a promotion, eat healthily, read self-help books, keep your home clean and organised, get a new haircut and clothes, buy new aftershave, keep well groomed, etc.,. 5. You're doing it for YOU, and not her. Read about 180 here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/406628-critical-readings-separation-divorce 6. Realise no amount of pleading, begging, asking, texting, phoning is going to convince her to come back. It'll just push her away more and tell her she was right to get away from the Loony Toon!! 7. Realise you've lost her. She's gone. She may come back, but she might not. It's her decision to make and you cannot force or coerce her back. The 180 and you changing will not be what she's expecting...interesting! Keep strong, chin up, you're going to grieve and it hurts am afraid. However, here's a great piece of advice I heard and made the world of difference to me: Old relationships die. All relationships in the future, with whomever, need to be new, fresh, positive, mutual, and different to be successful. Keep posting... Edited August 24, 2013 by MrE_UK
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