ddlovexx Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Hey there LS... need some advice. So, I've been single for a few months now. BUT, I'm having dating troubles. Every time I go on a date, I'm not interested in the person and they are interested in me. I haven't really had any "bad" dates, infact I usually get along really well with the guy and I'm pretty confident in myself, but then I just don't feel as though I want to see them again. I always feel terrible saying that I didn't feel the same, and I've even started talking myself out of going to dates (2 so far) with lousy excuses... because I feel like it's not worth it/I don't want to turn someone down again. I'm not the "heartbreaker" type and I'm always very honest, but I wind up feeling crappy after. I even was seeing this great guy for a month or so. He treated me like a princess and made me feel so loved (he actually recently told me he loves me). I have lots of fun with him and enjoy the closeness we have but again, I feel nothing. He is actually my "perfect" guy if there were to be such a thing... and yet I don't want to see him anymore. I'm starting to get worried that I'll never fall in love again. In the past, I've always KNOWN when I've liked someone (even if it wasn't going to go anywhere) and since I haven't felt that way in quite a while, I'm not sure what the heck is going on. It's bumming me out. I should also mention that I do get lonely but I don't really mind being single... I am also very much over my ex. I have a date with a guy tonight and I feel like the same thing is going to happen. He's really excited to take me and I just don't even care to go... What's going on with me? I don't like it at all.
Author ddlovexx Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 I go back and forth between feeling emotionally unavailable and wanting to meet someone nice. Should I just take a break altogether?
Author ddlovexx Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 I'm not sure if I'm emotionally not ready or if I just haven't met a guy that makes my heart pitter patter...
CptSaveAho Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 you arent over your ex.... take a breather... you are dating guys you arent interested in for the attention
Author ddlovexx Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 you arent over your ex.... take a breather... you are dating guys you arent interested in for the attention That's not true, I don't even think about my ex... I broke up with him. And if I wanted the attention, I wouldn't turn people down and change my mind about going to dates... I could milk it if attention was all I wanted.
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I go back and forth between feeling emotionally unavailable and wanting to meet someone nice. Should I just take a break altogether? Should take some time to reflect on your emotions to figure out what's missing and will make you happy, once you're confident in what you want and need, you'll be ready give and open up and give more of yourself....It's a process, you'll be ready when you're ready. Right now you might just be in a shadow, disconnected from your core and whatever is being sent out isn't being felt to it's fullest....you're kind of deflecting it and avoiding it the real substance of it...you're just going through the motions but you're telling yourself it just isn't the right person or saying it's this or that. Take some time for yourself and try to re-organize yourself emotionally, there may be something still hurting that you've just dug deep down. There may also may be some things you want or need to accomplish just for yourself, but sometimes people distract themselves with romantic interest as a coping mechanism to avoid that and try to "move on". You've already met someone nice and seemingly "perfect"...the reason you are not connecting is within you emotionally. This a general assessment...it really depends though on what you're feeling or dealing with specifically to determine the main issue(s), it might be something much deeper but it could also be you just forcing things that you don't really feel. You have the answer you just got to do the work to figure it out and really peel apart your emotions and just ask yourself straight up what is wrong here and be honest with yourself. 2
Author ddlovexx Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Ninja, you're pretty much right on most accounts. I have been feeling off lately and dealing with a lot of stress/financial problems and unfortunately I think my depression might be coming back. I'll take some time to figure myself out emotionally and get "better", if that makes sense. Thank you.
charlietheginger Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I go back and forth between feeling emotionally unavailable and wanting to meet someone nice. Should I just take a break altogether? You said you found a nice guy and dont want him
Lansing Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I think you should focus on yourself for a while. How is your friend situation? Do you have solid female friends? It seems like you are just dismissing these guys. I think you need to focus on yourself and not try to fill a void with a guy.
FemmeMystere Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 unfortunately I think my depression might be coming back. Before I even saw this post, I assumed that you might be depressed. Depression makes it difficult to feel pleasure from things that we normally enjoy. I've had mild depression for most of my adult life, and before I started to manage it, it was hard to get excited about anything. I'm not sure if I'm emotionally not ready or if I just haven't met a guy that makes my heart pitter patter... That "in love" feeling that you get is caused by a surge of neurotransmitters and other chemicals in the brain. When you're depressed, those chemicals are imbalanced, so it's perfectly understandable that nobody is giving you butterflies. I can't say what your particular issue is, but it's very likely psychological. If professional help is something you're open to, then certainly pursue that. It may not fix things overnight, but at least you'll be on the path to getting back to yourself. Best wishes to you. 1
Author ddlovexx Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 I have gotten professional help in the past, but as a psychology major myself I use a lot of techniques that help. I do have good girl friends, but they're all in relationships recently so you know how that goes... Oddly enough, I've been on 2 dates with a guy recently and (surprisingly) I actually like him. I may just not have met anyone that was "him" for me. I don't know, I'm taking this one very slowly but I like him and could potentially see it going somewhere... but I also know I'm not completely ready so I'm keeping my distance and kinda just taking it day by day. I still have a lot to work on for myself and that's my first priority. Thanks for the help guys.
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