tantan220 Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 I am in a really strange situation and I need some advice. About a week and a half ago I broke up with my boyfriend of a little more than a year. We both loved each other very much but we got in a lot of arguments. Finally last week we got in a huge argument and I told him that I just wanted to be friends because this wasn't working for me. He called me the next morning crying, but I was firm on my ground because I thought this would be the best thing. Well I ended up going to a club on saturday with some of my friends and I met a guy there that really liked me. I started kissing him, but all of a sudden I had a nervous breakdown! I started freaking out and thinking about Jason (My ex) and what a mistake I made because I really do love him. I ended up leaving the club early and going to bed. The next morning I called Jason a hundred times but his phone was off. Finally around noon I got through to him. I asked him what he was doing and he was at some guy's house. I told him I needed to talk to him and we met at a spot later that day. He told me that he had all of these new friends and he has been having a lot of fun with them. He also said he's made out and messed around with 10 other guys (in a week's time!). He also told me that he was seeing a guy that he thinks he really likes. I ended up breaking down in front of him and telling him that I want him back and I made a huge mistake in breaking up with him. I told him that I really do love him and now know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He told me he'd think about it. That night he ended up coming over to my house. He told me that he loved me too, but he was in an awkward situation because he was kind of seeing someone else. He said he wanted to date other people, but date me as well. And then to make things worse, we ended up having sex (twice) that night. When he left that morning he still said that he wanted to date other people, but he truly still loved me, he just needed time to figure things out. I want to be together with him, but I don't want to go back to the way things were before. I decided to ask the opinion of you out there to see what I should do. Am I just going to get hurt in the end if he wants to date other guys as well as me? Should I set ground rules with him? Or should we just strickly remain friends while he goes through this period? I really do love him, and the thought of him being with someone else makes me ill, but he says he needs this period, and I understand because I had a similar experience in my life. Anyway thank you all for your suggestions. -tantan220 (ps This is a gay relationship if anyone out there is really confused!)
opaleye Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 Hmmmm. I'm thinking that you guys need to be honest with each other and both need to figure out exactly what you want- he wants to date you and others- if this was what you two decided on then would you also date others or would you be happy just having him? If one of you was basically being monogomous and the other was playing the field then it's bound to cause problems. Of course he could be talking up all those guys he said he's been with- 10 in a week does seem extreme! Its conceivable that he wants you to realise what you let go of and make you jealous (which it has done). I personally think that he needs to decide whether he wants you or this new guy- I wouldn't want to settle for being one of his many dates when I was in love with him. It will just hurt you. If he wants time to see whats out there then maybe you should just be his friend if you can because seeing him getting close to other guys while you have such strong feelings for him is bound to be really painful for you. If you want him to realise that you are the one for him then maybe you should let him miss you. Maybe not be available all the time. This might help you realise what you want and give him the space to see whether its you he wants. Good luck
Author tantan220 Posted November 9, 2004 Author Posted November 9, 2004 Those are some really great suggestions, thank you opaleye.
Dakini Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 Could it be possible that maybe your reaction at the club, breaking down with him etc., was more a reaction of fear than a reaction of love? Maybe you are scared to be alone, scared of that feeling of being without someone, and perhaps not specifically HIM. Just a thought for you to consider.
Author tantan220 Posted November 10, 2004 Author Posted November 10, 2004 I'm actually terrified of being alone. I don't know why that is.
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