I just feel like I want to die.

[Charym88]

After going over everything and what people said about me being delusional and that he is a jerk, it is ALL true. I will just be the bigger person to say it. However, I am trying so hard to make my love go away. It is very hard for me. I have never dated a lot and never loved anyone like I love him. The hardest part is that he keeps telling me he loves me but I know he doesn't. I'm re-starting the NC. I already blocked him from Facebook and I'm about to Ignore him on IM. It really hurts, because I am so worried about him marrying his child's mother. If I ever found out, I know I would just die. I know I have to move on. I just wish he would tell me the truth about him and his child's mother getting back together. I'm sure that's what's going on, because the day he started back talking to me, he told me how much he loves me and wants to take his child to come back and be with me. I confronted him and told him that he better not be playing both sides of the fence and he got mad.

 

He also made up some bum story about his family not wanting him to talk to me. I don't know how true this is, but his mom did block me from Facebook. So IDK if it's the pressure or what. I asked him did he want to be with his child's mother and he said no. I don't believe anything else he says now. All I want now is for my feelings to go away, because right now, all the lies and his issues with him being stressed and talking negative about himself, the baby, and the child's mother is too overwhelming. He is great when he is great, but can get pretty stressful which causes me to stress. I wanted to be there when he needed me, but I often feel like I'm in constant competition with the child's mother. When he moved with me, he broke it off with her and she kept bothering us and would not let go. SO, I feel like I would never have him to myself because she will never let go no matter what. Even if he told her he doesn't want to be with her. I will admit that I love him and I don't know if my feelings will ever go away, but I will need for his child's mother to stop being so vulnerable to him, because it's clear he doesn't like her very much. He left her to almost 2000 miles to be with me and he told her he didn't want her. She puts a lot of stress on any hope I have for us in the future. Not because she has his child, but because she will not let go even though he treats her like a dog.

Edited August 19, 2013 by Charym88

[Charym88]

to live is a miracle so dont die.

 

life is a blessing

 

It was a figure of speech, of course I don't want to die but I feel like dying. We literally believed we were soul mates, we have so much in common that I could fill this whole page. However, he lets his child's mother and his family control his happiness. So, I will do the honors and remove myself from his life completely. If he isn't happy with her, he knows where to find it and if I decide to let him back in, he better come correct next time around. So whether he wants her or not, he has no choice. If he truly loves me like he claims, he will make an effort.