lastking Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 (edited) I recently broke up with my girlfriend after being together for 9 years. We were together ever since she was 18 years old and have talked about getting married although I couldn't do it at the speed that she wanted because of obligations (military, work...) and life challenges. But however my life turned around recently, I became a manager of a big insurance company in the area and have also bought a house. My next step was planning to propose and get married but she decided to end the relationship.This is the first time we have broken up in the 9 years and it really took me by surprise. My confusion is should I buy the ring and attempt to propose now that I have the money to do it but we are broken up? Should I let go and find someone else but deal with the emotional stress that comes with the break up? I think if it was up to her, we would be back together. She tends to listen to her sisters that have questionnable relationships. Not sure what to do . Please advise....Thank you!!! Edited August 19, 2013 by lastking fix heading
Philosoraptor Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I wouldn't suggest buying a ring to win her back. You shouldn't propose until things are stable as an engagement can not be used to mask a problem. You say little about what she told you when she ended things. Care to enlighten us?
JDPT Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Patching relationship issues with a marriage proposal is certainly not the way to solve it. Being as objective as possible you guys have been together for 9 years and I understand first hand the pressure you can be on when a woman hints you numerous times to propose or make the next step, its rather uncomfortable. I also believe that during all these times you weren't just sitting around waiting for things to be handed to you, you appear to have been proactively paving the way to perhaps give me a life she deserves. She could have been more understanding and stood by your side specially after 9 long years. And the fact that she is easily persuaded by her sister just gives you a better perspective as to where your relationship stood with her. I say give it time and DO NOT propose to her. Keep in time that there is a bumpy road ahead and just be prepared for it. she will maybe come back when she is ready or possibly not, but the last thing you want to do is sit around and wait for her.
Ireallydontknow Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 As a guy who is holding on to a ring from a ex who pushed proposal, only to decide years later she didn't want to be in a relationship, but is yet in one days after our BU. DON'T DO IT! All you are going to have is a broken heart and a useless ring. Also I couldn't tell you how many times my ex used the ring as leverage against me to hurt me to the core. Taking off, switching fingers, giving it back. Just let it go man :/ Let her come to you, even if she does how long till her sisters tell her to leave again? You want to be with someone with a mind and spine of their own. You sound like you got your act together, you shouldn't have a problem getting back out into the dating world, when you HEAL! Take care, and good luck
SoleMate Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Did she give a reason for ending the relationship? I think if it was up to her, we would be back together. She tends to listen to her sisters that have questionnable relationships. If she is under mind control by evil sisters, this marriage wasn't going anywhere anyway. Something's missing in your story though - in fact, a lot of things. Did the sisters ever try to break you up before? What evidence do you have that her free will is being overborne? What events preceded the breakup? As far as the ring, forget it. The ring is just a symbol that is used to crown an intact, solid, committed relationship. It should not be used as a chesspiece in some kind of manipulative game (whether by male or by female, as noted below) to create or repair a r/s. A woman that would break up with you SOLELY for lack of an expensive ring is not one you should be married to. Anyhow, I need more info on what ACTUALLY happened to advise you further.
barky2 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 First off let me thank you for your service, I have two brothers in the military so that's first and foremost . Second I know exactly what your going thru( timeframe wise) I was with my girl for 10 years when we broke up. So IMHO, I respond to people like I would a friend. So no, do not buy a ring at this moment in time I tried and she resented the shat out of me for it. Learn from my mistake. My ex mom ran her life, kind of like the sisters do your ex. She did exactly what her mom told her to do because her mom has been cheated on blah blah. You won't win that battle buddy ..I promise you that. You say if it were up to her shed be with you....then why isn't she bro? I was with mine from 16-26. I had no idea who'd id become as a individual. If you step back your kind of in the same boat. She hasn't forgot about you, and she's thinking of you all the time. Congrats on the new job bro. Take a step back from all of this, find yourself as cliche as that sounds. Take some time out for you. Leave her be for awhile. If she contact you , great....don't tell her you love or miss her just be calm cool and collected Do you for awhile. If its ment to be dude, she will bypass what anyone else is saying because when she goes go bed she knows what she wants and shell get it. Take a breath, you'll be just fine....but do you for awhile. No time limit...don't count days. If I was you id do NIC...no initiated contact..for awhile, until she comes around. I know its hard....been there. I got mine back, under different circumstances, but none to less, followed advice from LS. Barky 2
Asda Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Proposal ring does not mean anything. Important is a relationships. She broke up, there is many reasons for that decision, may be some of them you do not even know. Based on what you said your financial situation is OK, you are doing fine. To do it correct way, do not even contact her, you will make situation clear this way. No contact is a win situation for both scenarios separation or reunification. She broke up - she has to come back, if she will( In reasonable time frame up to 1 year( and she never dated no one during this time)), let her know never again any broke ups, there will be no second chance because relationships should be lasting ( it is not a game). If she will not come back, stay strong, do your thing, get busy with your own life(need to be very selfish and care only about yourself to move on). As soon as you will recover you can start dating. Broke up is just emotions inside you that effects everything, your thinking, feeling, health etc.etc. I have been through that, it is tough moment and better not to have this type of experience ( it is not necessary), but what can you do? you can not control your s/other. Time will heal you. Good luck.
esteem-jam Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 People gave some solid adive above. Im going to comment on the House. You can do so many things. Put the kind of wallpapers you like, and learn how to do it. Select the furniture you really like. The best part in this is - its your House! Nobody can influence your decisions, you dont have to show it to nobody. Style it how you like. You can leave one room rather unfurnitured, for one day, with someone, just in case... babies. It will take so much time, you will not have time to think about your ex. A guy and a house he `built`. I respect that. 2
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