How to get her to tell me about her feelings? She is scared of getting hurt.

[lover4721]

She said I was accusing her of doing this and that with guys, and I wasn't really, but I was questioning what she was doing with guys because she hasn't shown me enough feelings.

 

She said if that is what it is like when we are in a relationship, she can't do it.

 

I feel like she will cheat just to get back at this guy who cheated on her, and her father...

 

So she said "What we can do is get together again, I have told you that. After we do, I will tell you exactly how I feel."

 

I told her I don't want to date her to prove I'm worthy. I would like to date to really get a feel of our feelings and not jump the fence.

Edited August 22, 2013 by lover4721

[Skyraider829]

She said I was accusing her of doing this and that with guys, and I wasn't really, but I was questioning what she was doing with guys because she hasn't shown me enough feelings.

 

What? So she's accusing of you essentially doing nothing at all? Ridiculous.

 

She said if that is what it is like when we are in a relationship, she can't do it.

 

No kidding. It sounds to me like she's the one firing up all the problems.

I would ditch this if it were me.

 

I feel like she will cheat just to get back at this guy who cheated on her, and her father...

 

She needs to get over what happened with her father. If necessary, she needs to seek counseling.

 

So she said "What we can do is get together again, I have told you that. After we do, I will tell you exactly how I feel."

 

No commitment a priori. That's foolish. Sort this out before, not after the fact.

 

I told her I don't want to date her to prove I'm worthy. I would like to date to really get a feel of our feelings and not jump the fence.

 

And that's the way dating should be, after all that is what dating is for.

[lover4721]

What? So she's accusing of you essentially doing nothing at all? Ridiculous.

 

 

 

No kidding. It sounds to me like she's the one firing up all the problems.

I would ditch this if it were me.

 

 

 

She needs to get over what happened with her father. If necessary, she needs to seek counseling.

 

 

 

No commitment a priori. That's foolish. Sort this out before, not after the fact.

 

 

 

And that's the way dating should be, after all that is what dating is for.

 

Basically it was because I said I didn't know if she had a date, OR was really going with her brother and she said that set her over the edge.

 

This is a two person friendship. IF she would actually show valuable interest, it wouldn't be this way.

 

She said "I mean you were fine. Now since roles seemed to change, you don't like it." Basically because I did the chase just now, messaging her to see if we are getting together.

 

It's all just really lame and confusing.

[Skyraider829]

It's all just really lame and confusing.

 

How about you drop it then? There's no point in all of this confusion.

I think this girl needs counseling to be honest.

[lover4721]

How about you drop it then? There's no point in all of this confusion.

I think this girl needs counseling to be honest.

 

I feel like I'll just be any other guy who just screwed her over. I don't want her to remember me of that way.

 

We seem to be getting along now and wants to meet again tomorrow, so then she can tell me her feelings.

[Skyraider829]

I feel like I'll just be any other guy who just screwed her over. I don't want her to remember me of that way.

 

We seem to be getting along now and wants to meet again tomorrow, so then she can tell me her feelings.

 

If it all works out in the end, then great.

I just remain somewhat skeptical of the wishy-washiness of her decisions. Maybe its best not too get to close as of yet.

[lover4721]

If it all works out in the end, then great.

I just remain somewhat skeptical of the wishy-washiness of her decisions. Maybe its best not too get to close as of yet.

 

I agree! I am going to stay far away I guess and just hangout with her as friends for now. I have a feeling it won't really workout, but I guess you never know.

[Skyraider829]

That's a smart move sir, keep it like that for now.

[lover4721]

That's a smart move sir, keep it like that for now.

 

I'm not really expecting anything because I know she said it herself, I'm the guy she met and never met someone like me before. So I know if it doesn't work, she will miss me more than she liked me. It's a quote!

 

We hung out today! She asked me what I wanted to do and we were talking to her Mom, and then watched a movie. She knew I wanted to go somewhere like a park or the movies, but she resisted.

 

Her Mom laughed at my Joke that she didn't laugh at... so I took the conversation over. And her Mom was excited about seeing me, showing me a map of her real estate. Then when she left for work, she said she will see me later. So her Mom is getting close and she may even influence her daughter to keep dating me!

 

But nothing really happened. Just held hands for like two hours during the movie. Hugged, and I left. She didn't want to kiss because of her Brother being there, but maybe not. She didn't say anything.

 

She was happy and excited when I was picking a movie out and making her laugh.

 

You think she wants me to like not force, but be strict with things? Like kiss her with confidence, not even knowing she may reject? She had an abusive past and she likes it rough she says, so maybe I'm thinking she needs a guy with mad initiative.

 

She said she would talk to me later, and I haven't heard anything for about 4 hours when I left. So I am waiting and I'm going to have her want me like she used to. I read when a woman plays the same games as guys, like basically not contacting us and we are over here worrying if they moved on, we feel it worse. They know they played our games and we cannot do anything. I agree...

 

She even said "Roles have changed." So I am guessing, she knows I am the one wanting her, and this really powers her. So I think it is in my best mind, to focus on me, and stop chasing her down. I do enjoy being with her! But I can't tell her feelings.

[lover4721]

I read "The art of seduction" and re-played the part of making the bold move. I had to replay it about 15+ times until I realize... everything they said up to this point, she used...

 

The bracelet idea! That came from the idea of giving your partner a gift so they won't be able to forget you...

 

Limits... she said 'No sex until we are committed. Nothing sexual of any kind.' Since it combines two people, she needed commitment.

 

When we met, she didn't show me any emotions... she was SOOO interested before meeting. Sent me quotes... pictures... messages... When she didn't show me any feelings when we met, my mind was wondering about what went wrong. That exact line is in the book.

 

So many more examples. So guys, this book works and I recommend it. I can probably assure you she read it about 500 times.

 

The book even mentioned women doing it to guys, how it will make us think like crazy.

 

So in all, she was the best teacher I ever had.

 

So, this story is closed. Chapter ended for now.

[Skyraider829]

The bracelet idea! That came from the idea of giving your partner a gift so they won't be able to forget you..

 

No offense, but this girl seems to have troubles - I don't what they are but its something.

Playing out themes from a book? Honestly...

 

Limits... she said 'No sex until we are committed. Nothing sexual of any kind.' Since it combines two people, she needed commitment.

 

When we met, she didn't show me any emotions... she was SOOO interested before meeting. Sent me quotes... pictures... messages... When she didn't show me any feelings when we met, my mind was wondering about what went wrong. That exact line is in the book.

 

Weird. What was she trying to do? Act out a movie? This is confusing to me.

 

So in all, she was the best teacher I ever had.

 

So, this story is closed. Chapter ended for now.

 

Um, okay. The last two posts didn't really make sense at all but whatever works for you.

[lover4721]

Please, you have become way too bought in emotionally with someone who is essentially a -stranger-. Getting up each others tails for hours in these supposed deep long conversations at this stage does nothing but build a false sense of intimacy. In all likelihood this one is done, stick a fork in, as you are boring and smothering this girl. Next time, keep a healthy distance until the person isn't a total stranger to you, and that happens over weeks of moderate face to face during time spent together of normal duration, not endless text or phone calls. Girls sit around and talk endlessly with their girlfriends, and despite the fact that they may act otherwise, generally devalue you as a sexual man the more babbling chatty time you give them. Good luck.

 

When did I tell anyone that I have smothered her? I'd like to show you our conversation... I think you would understand that what you said is likely false. She was dying to text message me for almost a week... we waited 3 weeks to meet. How is this anywhere close to smothering her?

 

Women want a man who can hold conversation and get to know them. This is what attracted her to me. In no way, did I sit around and talk to her for hours on end. Some days, I gave a two day break because I was busy. Was I supposed to say 'Hey what's up?' instead? She would have ignored me.

 

I do not know where you pulled this out of. I appreciate you for helping, but I am not happy with your response just because I am too confused on where you came up with your idea.

 

You are basically telling me to not talk to women and get to know them? Yes, her and I talked about deep things, getting to know what she likes - but I didn't get into these deep conversations about her problems.

 

And we haven't talked for days! I made sure I didn't smother her! I wasn't able to always talk to her and I think this is what attracted her to me. Not being all over her. Trust me with this.

 

But it was until we met, then attraction died, OR she tried pulling herself away because she found she was trusting me. She has said this herself, but not recently. She has psychological issues, that she said she needs to go see a therapist for.

 

Maybe she didn't enjoy having me as a date... she wanted me to be a friend (Like I did with talking on the phone) so then she had something to work for and earn me. Instead maybe I presented myself like "Okay I'm here, taking you on a date, in hope for maybe this turns into something more."

 

But with getting to know her before meeting, I made sure I kept my space. I read all about that on here before... about two months ago, I seemed like I was getting friendly too easily with other girls and they all left. So I made sure I had fun things to talk about, also not just smothering her. I asked her questions and she answered. This is what made her absolutely adore me.

 

OR, maybe I didn't act myself in person and I think this was maybe it. In messaging and phone, I acted more serious. But in person, I acted like full of life and outgoing. When we first met, she loved me... but then I opened up. OR, maybe she needs someone who says "Okay, we are going to the movies and you can't say anything else' because she does like it rough... so she might need a guy that doesn't take "No let's just watch a movie here" for an answer. I think this is what it was... not me being too close to her because I know I avoided that mistake. I also wasn't like "You can tell me your problems and I'll be your shoulder to cry on." I put in humor into our conversation and that is what made me stick out, and she said that times and times again! She even showed her friends with what I said lol. The first night of talking, she showed her friend my picture and how much we were talking, because she thought it was funny. She said because I wasn't like "down to ****?" I actually had conversation to talk about. But yeah! Just letting you know I had a conversation with her, funny and humorous, but not too smothering.

Edited August 27, 2013 by lover4721

[lover4721]

I got over her until last night when I was thinking about what she might be telling people about me.

 

The thing is, what is bothering me now, is that I feel like I now am talked about badly... like her Mother not liking me because I didn't come visit after she said "See you later!" I also feel like I am 'just another douchebag' in her words. I feel like crap because I think she might be blaming it my fault!

 

Like how do I get past this?

[RedRobin]

Your story... with variations 1000000X.... could be repeated any number of times by those seeking deep, instant emotional intimacy and physical intimacy with a near stranger.

 

3 weeks you've known her??

 

I'd say, lay off the deep stuff... both of you.