Astron Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I never thought I’m gonna be in such a situation, but life has always surprises. I’ll try to be short. 1. I’m 29, she’s 25, been together for 6 years. 6 beautiful years and none of us regrets them. It’s obvious how many things we did during this period. We live in the same city and we have had a trustful relationship with no big problems. I can say we have everything we need…friends, families, decent financial situation, etc. The only real problem we had, and appeared a few times during all these years, is what do I feel for her? If I really love her? Because I am a cold person and don’t show my feelings. But to be honest I never could say I love her. I admitted this in the past, but I always tried to convince myself (and her) that it is just because I’m a cold person. I always thought maybe love can come later, with time. I really wished I could feel different and I tried my best, because I think I have everything I can wish for, except my feelings. But you can’t control these things… To summarize, I feel we are just good friends. I feel like this for a long time. After 6 years I don’t see my future next to her. I feel the relationship is stuck and I cannot get closer. She cannot say she loves me either, but she is definitely more attached to me and cannot see her life next to someone else. Although, 3 years ago she was the one who wanted to break up, because I was so distant. Now, she feels I made some efforts, and I did, but this don’t change my feelings for her. Maybe I have a mid-life crisis? She doesn't want to break-up and says we should try more. I think I know what love is, because I felt it in a previous relationship. I was quite different. After that I suffered a lot and really didn’t want to get involved again. Maybe this is why I became like this…or maybe she’s just not the person for me. 2. Now I have another problem. A girl appeared in my life for some months. We work in the same building. I never thought I’d get attracted to someone else while being in a relationship. I never looked for other girls in all these years and tried to avoid flirting and stuff like this! Well, this girl got my attention and we both started to like each other. Everything developed slowly, because we both didn’t know what the other wants. She’s also in a 3 years relationship, so none of us thought it could happen. I really tried to avoid this, but I have to admit that we are in love now. We met a few times, we discussed, we kissed... Everything seems so beautiful! We thought we will do this only 1 week and then we will stop. After more than 1 month, we can’t. We both feel amazing with each other and everything is so beautiful! We dream about the future. We don’t know what to do now… She is not very happy with her relationship and is decided to end it. She is decided to be with me if I also want this and has no doubts. She said it depends on me, but doesn’t want to push me or hurry me... that I should do what’s best for me... because if we would get together it should be a fair, sincere relationship with no regrets. She is not the type of girl switching boyfriends every month and she only had 2 before the actual one. I felt I need to mention this as it may have looked she is just jumping from one to another. So…I’m confused now. What should I do? Should I break up with my current girlfriend? Or should I try to repair what I have? I have everything I need, but I feel I love someone else. Maybe it’s temporary, an illusion? She says we can work on our relationship, but I don't know if it can change my feelings. I also never thought it’s good to jump from one relationship to another. I think some loneliness for recovery is always welcome after any relationship. I’m not afraid being single. But now I like this girl... can I jump in a new relationship with her? Can I have a future with her or it's just a temporary dream? I don’t know what to do… I don't want to hurt anyone.
Philosoraptor Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Sadly you can't settle for someone you don't love. People often ask why you can't be with someone that you match with on a checklist, but feel no chemistry... and this is the answer. This is your decision. All I can say is that if you decide to end things, you should do it respectfully and take some time alone, not jump into a relationship right away.
Author Astron Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 Your example with the checklist is very good. Maybe it's a common problem actually, but it describes pretty well my situation. As I said...I think I have everything I can wish for on a checklist. She insists though, that we should try to make this work. To pay more attention to each other, cause we both did mistakes, etc. But I think we already tried and if we pay more attention to each other, make presents, etc. doesn't mean the feelings will also change. Am I right? And I don't know if it's any good to make this relationship longer. Of course, maybe we can have a good life together, but I feel the same if I would live with a good friend. Sometimes I think that with any person you will become like this after some time and why leave now...if I have everything I need? Difficult decision... Regarding the other girl, this is what I have also in mind...and fortunately also her. We don't want to jump directly into a new relationship and we both need a break. Some loneliness. Althogh we are quite in love and I don't know how long can we resist like this. But at least I' happy we both think the same way and are conscious that this is the best way if we want a solid future relationship.
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