FitChick Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Didn't find anything at all wrong with the ophtamologist's checklist in the article, and the hubbub over it says more about the douchebaggery of jezebel and its audience more than that guy's douchebaggery IMO. His crime was saying he wanted a thin, fashionable woman. 1
Author MrCastle Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Well not just the man in the article, but the general idea of being too specific/picky in your search. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 This reminds me of an OKC profile. This guy said: Message me if you are attractive, smart and kind. Or 2 out of 3. Any 2 will do. 2
CrystalCastles Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I think checklists are BS. I used to have one. But the minute I develop feelings for someone, the checklist goes out the window. If you like someone, you aren't going to care if they're missing a few things from your list. 5
New User Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I wouldnt say I have a check list, I date quite a bit. I go out with quite a few people I know I could never be with, but I do it so I know what I like and what I dont like in a woman. I have dated absolutely bat **** crazy women that were magnetic like a car wreck and I have dated seemingly normal beautiful women that turned out to be boring or had low self esteem. I go out with people I dont necessarily find attractive, some are over weight some are liberals and anti gun.......those dates dont last long. Um.... Why? 1
Revolver Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 All I want is a girl I'm physically attracted to and someone that makes me feel good(loves me, is loyal, fun to be around etc) If you have those 2 things..... Your like 97% of the way there in terms of "requirements" and I don't think most men are all that different 3
ThaWholigan Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 All I want is a girl I'm physically attracted to and someone that makes me feel good(loves me, is loyal, fun to be around etc) If you have those 2 things..... Your like 97% of the way there in terms of "requirements" and I don't think most men are all that different You'd be surprised! I'm with you on that one though....
tbf Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Ha ha, read his checklist, too funny how he's monetized people's match making services. The guy's a narcissist. I pity any woman who falls for him. As far as his list, who cares. As long as there's no incessant whining when he can't get what he wants, it's his life.
Author MrCastle Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Ha ha, read his checklist, too funny how he's monetized people's match making services. The guy's a narcissist. I pity any woman who falls for him. As far as his list, who cares. As long as there's no incessant whining when he can't get what he wants, it's his life. And likewise for the women who have the same rigid requirements, yes? PS--why did this get moved to the relationship forum when the article clearly deals with a dating checklist
tbf Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 And likewise for the women who have the same rigid requirements, yes?As in who cares as long as they don't incessantly whine about them? Agreed. If you're pointing to narcissism for the women who have long lists, this will depend on the woman. I've judged this guy as an individual based on how the actual correspondence or purported actual correspondence (as exhibited by Jezebel) was written, both content and context. The guy's an obvious narcissist.
TouchedByViolet Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Ha ha, read his checklist, too funny how he's monetized people's match making services. The guy's a narcissist. I pity any woman who falls for him. As far as his list, who cares. As long as there's no incessant whining when he can't get what he wants, it's his life. How is he a narcissist? The word is so loaded and clinical to begin with you don't know enough about him to say that. He is willing to donate thousands of dollars if he finds love, sounds ok to me. He is using an atypical approach to dating since nothing else has worked for him so far. Come to think of it, I don't know a single selfish ******* who is constantly single. 1
tbf Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 How is he a narcissist? The word is so loaded and clinical to begin with you don't know enough about him to say that. He is willing to donate thousands of dollars if he finds love, sounds ok to me. He is using an atypical approach to dating since nothing else has worked for him so far. Come to think of it, I don't know a single selfish ******* who is constantly single.*shrugs* Just my opinion based on how the context and content of the email has been written. I used to be married to a man with clinically diagnosed NPD so narcissistic traits appear obvious to me. Whether this guy is just a narcissist or has NPD, who knows.
TheGuard13 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 People want what they want. As long as they recognize the difficulty of finding someone to match a specific set of requirements, and can understand that even if they do find someone like that, there are other issues of compatibility and compromise that will arise, I don't see the issue. Is it rational and reasonable? No, not really. But how many people are reasonable and rational? 1
serial muse Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 (edited) *shrugs* Just my opinion based on how the context and content of the email has been written. I used to be married to a man with clinically diagnosed NPD so narcissistic traits appear obvious to me. Whether this guy is just a narcissist or has NPD, who knows. There's so much more to this guy's story than just what appears in that article, and his search for a mate is just the tip of the iceberg. He's got an internet trail a mile long, and much of it is hi-larious (assuming you don't have to deal with him in person). Just do a search on his name. In short, I'd say you're not wrong. Anyway. To the main topic...I think this is on point: But the minute I develop feelings for someone, the checklist goes out the window. If you like someone, you aren't going to care if they're missing a few things from your list. It is the way of the world. Edited August 20, 2013 by serial muse 1
KungFuJoe Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I guess it depends on the person. I mean, I never really had a "checklist" in terms of me sitting down and thinking about all the criteria a woman had to have in order to make the cut. I just went on feeling and whatever "connection" we had. If you look at the women I've dated and been with, it's pretty much all over the place in terms of personality and physicality. 1
sweetkiwi Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I think having a very specific checklist of physical and/or financial necessities is a road to disappointment. OTOH I have a rough checklist of personality traits I prefer. And yet if you put all my ex's in a room the only thing they'd have in common would be.......intelligence and appreciation of art. Everything else, including physical traits, is unique only to them. I am much more interested in the entire person, and not in focusing on specific aspects. Really I want a relationship that continues to evolve when needed and remain the same where change is not necessary. And of course for us to keep passion for eachother over the years. 1
SugarLips72 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Ok I missed the part where he said he was 125 lbs. That is tiny for a guy he must be 5 foot 4 or less. that alone takes him off of almost all women's lists anyways but that makes sense for him. He said he is 125 pounds and wants a woman that's not bigger than him. I think it's fair.
WonderKid Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Because of the checklist all of my aunts are chasing ghosts and they are 40 yrs old and still single or in a terrible marriage. I value the personality than anything. Yes I want her to be attractive to me. Who doesn't. It's a preference. I don't want my woman perfect. I want her to have problems and flaws. Then we can build a relationship with eachother by taking one another for who they are.
MissBee Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I have things I would like and want but as pluses and I don't discount people because of them... Then there is my list of absolute YESes and absolutes NOs. These are things I won't tolerate and things I MUST have...and all of these are about character and worldview. Those are the basics I need and I can't compromise on them. It works for me and is pretty realistic. I did the haphazard dating before where I pretty much gave a chance to all kinds...wasted my time. Now I don't do that. I dated enough to know what I like, don't like, need and want and I go into dating with that in mind. I can date casually without care for a lot of them but in order to actually be seriously involved and exclusive, you must meet the criteria.
mario_C Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 My fave line from the article: "We treat dating like shopping, and what happens is you forget that you aren't exactly a perfect physical specimen yourself," Gottlieb said. "No one is critiquing their own flaws; we're acting like we're all supermodels." This guy can make all the demands he wants because he's a DOCTOR in NYC, and he can have any woman he wants anyway and therefore he can be demanding. You, on the other hand and I have to settle and always will because you and I are not the dream man women have chosen in their hearts and minds, but he is. There's no other lesson here.
string of letters Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Some of the highly specified checklists I've seen mainly look like backlash against prior relationships. I don't know why this one sticks out in my mind - it's been years since I saw it - but when someone almost angrily insists (the seeming anger was in the surrounding sentences) "my prospective bf must be able to balance a checkbook", it somehow strikes me as something that isn't likely to just come out of the blue, for no reason. A lot of checklists probably have stories behind them, but not necessarily ones you'd want to hear. It's kind of like 'I don't want to eat food that has cyanide or hemlock in it'. Well, of course you don't, but more to the point why did you choose cyanide and hemlock out of all the countless poisons in the world?
serial muse Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 OK, well I wasted my time looking for funny, outrageous tales and found he was once seeking an attractive female personal assistant and offering cheap rent in exchange (the horror!) and he has a long dispute with a neighbor over a building in disrepair. If you know anything about NYC, you know that such disputes are extremely common, especially in tony areas where real estate fluctuates in 10k per sq ft increments and is highly dependent on neighborhood aesthetics, millions of dollars at stake, and such disputes can get fractious and long-winded over time. Nothing to see there. So what else was there? If it helps, I feel simply wretched about wasting your time. Somewhere, a thread on LS is the poorer for it. 1
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