MrCastle Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Is a dating checklist nitpicky? -- CNN.com - CNN.com Agree? Disagree? Are a lot of us expecting perfection? Is that why some of us are having woes? 1
New User Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I can't help but think that checklists reduce the search for a mate to the equivalent of ordering a pizza. I can understand having one or two disqualifying factors (and there are a few things that will immediately turn me off) but when someone has a 27 point checklist that spells out everything they expect a potential romantic partner to have, I just can't relate to that thinking. When I see or hear about such checklists, my first reaction is to wonder what the list maker is bringing to the table. I have noticed that the OLD profiles I've seen that contain a checklist are usually from women (I'm guessing men too, but I don't peruse men's profiles) that don't generally look like they have much to offer a man. I don't necessarily mean looks, I mean that there is a tone of narcissism that seems to bleed through all of these profiles I've seen. 3
Star Gazer Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Did you read the article, or are you asking about the title?
Author MrCastle Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 I can't help but think that checklists reduce the search for a mate to the equivalent of ordering a pizza. I can understand having one or two disqualifying factors (and there are a few things that will immediately turn me off) but when someone has a 27 point checklist that spells out everything they expect a potential romantic partner to have, I just can't relate to that thinking. When I see or hear about such checklists, my first reaction is to wonder what the list maker is bringing to the table. I have noticed that the OLD profiles I've seen that contain a checklist are usually from women (I'm guessing men too, but I don't peruse men's profiles) that don't generally look like they have much to offer a man. I don't necessarily mean looks, I mean that there is a tone of narcissism that seems to bleed through all of these profiles I've seen. I think the issue a lot of people have is we are expecting flawless perfection. When all of us have flaws of some sort. It shouldn't just be, what positive qualities you want, but what negative ones can you tolerate? Because we all have them. If you want x, are you willing to deal with the y that may come with it? In an ideal world, we get exactly what we want with no negatives, but in reality, negatives are a part of life. You have to be able to compromise and accept certain things. 1
Auguria Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I've always found perfection to be terribly predictable and painfully boring. No dating checklist for me. I just need a man who understands, loves, and craves me, just the way I'll cherish him. 3
todreaminblue Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Is a dating checklist nitpicky? -- CNN.com - CNN.com Agree? Disagree? Are a lot of us expecting perfection? Is that why some of us are having woes? hey mr castle missed ya.......:bunny: i feel everyone has a check list.......everyone has things that they want...scratch that want.... and put need from a possible partner ... i feel people shouldn't though....... be shallow in those needs or wants when it comes to defining someone as a possible partner to date....it shouldnt come down to foot size sort of thing....and i think if you have a long list of aesthetics and measurements you want filled...you might very well end up alone because you will miss out on someone special, because you fail to go deeper than the shallow end .....deb 1
Author MrCastle Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 I've always found perfection to be terribly predictable and painfully boring. No dating checklist for me. I just need a man who understands, loves, and craves me, just the way I'll cherish him. I feel like perfection as it pertains to attraction can be achieved. The girl I may end up falling for may be far from perfect in most peoples' eyes, but all that matters is that I find her perfect. You know what I mean? I don't think you should be looking for objective, flawless across the board perfection, but I think you can be attracted to someone so much that, despite their faults, they are perfect to you 3
New User Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I feel like perfection as it pertains to attraction can be achieved. The girl I may end up falling for may be far from perfect in most peoples' eyes, but all that matters is that I find her perfect. You know what I mean? I don't think you should be looking for objective, flawless across the board perfection, but I think you can be attracted to someone so much that, despite their faults, they are perfect to you I think that you can even get to the point where you find their flaws endearing. 6
iris219 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 No, I don't think most people have checklists, at least not serious ones where they would discount someone for not having curly hair and driving a certain kind of car. My requirements for a mate were as follows: 1. Feel something for him (that means be attracted to him and be able to develop an emotional connection) 2. Be compatible. That's it. I had no idea what he would look like, what he would do for a living, or what his hobbies would be. The above was all that mattered. 3
todreaminblue Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 No, I don't think most people have checklists, at least not serious ones where they would discount someone for not having curly hair and driving a certain kind of car. My requirements for a mate were as follows: 1. Feel something for him (that means be attracted to him and be able to develop an emotional connection) 2. Be compatible. That's it. It was pretty simple really. I had no idea what he would look like, what he would do for a living, or what his hobbies would be. The above was all that mattered. what makes a guy compatible for you iris?
iris219 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 what makes a guy compatible for you iris? Desire to have a family, stability/dependability, having fun together/enjoy being together, similar outlook on life and relationships.
mesmerized Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I don't think that guy was seeking perfection. In fact his requirements seemed reasonable for the most part. Do I think expecting something close to perfect is an issue in today's dating world tho? Absolutely. And in vain cities like mine, it's even much much worse. 1
SugarLips72 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I am picky and as I get older I am getting more and more picky. Probably why I have rarely dated since my divorce. This guy wants a size 0-2? That eliminates about 90% of women. Good luck on finding too that will remain that size after kids. I am a size 8. 5 foot 8. I do not think I am heavy but even some men would probably prefer me in a 6. I have a list of deal breakers and if a guy has one of these, no dates.
mesmerized Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I am picky and as I get older I am getting more and more picky. Probably why I have rarely dated since my divorce. This guy wants a size 0-2? That eliminates about 90% of women. Good luck on finding too that will remain that size after kids. I am a size 8. 5 foot 8. I do not think I am heavy but even some men would probably prefer me in a 6. I have a list of deal breakers and if a guy has one of these, no dates. He said he is 125 pounds and wants a woman that's not bigger than him. I think it's fair.
Auguria Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I feel like perfection as it pertains to attraction can be achieved. The girl I may end up falling for may be far from perfect in most peoples' eyes, but all that matters is that I find her perfect. You know what I mean? I don't think you should be looking for objective, flawless across the board perfection, but I think you can be attracted to someone so much that, despite their faults, they are perfect to you I know what you mean. Listen, I am only 22 and the man I fell in love with and still desire, dream about and makes my world spin is objectively speaking not perfect. Before I met him, if I was randomly asked to physically describe some "future" partner of mine, I don't think my adolescent hormones would have described him. But I decided to patiently wait for that once-in-a-lifetime chemistry and then, one summer night, I, in my red dress and he, in his black shirt, met. And I saw his physic, his qualities but, most importantly, I paid attention to his flaws. He fits me, you know. He is, indeed, perfect to me and my world. But it is, ultimately, his objective and subjective imperfections that made me come back, try to decipher him. Unpredictable human being he is. And this what I love. I tend to stray whenever I talk about love. Forgive me. Although I suspect you're as much of a sucker for love as I am.
Woggle Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I never expected perfection because I always kept my standards within the realm of things that actually exist. Nobody is perfect so it makes no sense to expect somebody that is. It's like expecting somebody who can fly like superman. 1
ltjg45 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I have a hard enough time trying to attract one woman. The last thing I need to do is also expect any form of perfection. I got to get past this first roadblock before I worry about having standards.
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I just want someone that is perfect for me. Screw what other people think. I am looking for strong attraction/connection, someone that I find intellectually stimulating and that has a kind heart. I am willing to accept flaws and even find them cute 4
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I don't think that guy was seeking perfection. In fact his requirements seemed reasonable for the most part. Do I think expecting something close to perfect is an issue in today's dating world tho? Absolutely. And in vain cities like mine, it's even much much worse. Aren't you in Canada? That's the land of lumberjacks, maple syrup, bacon that's really ham, and ice hockey. I never thought of it as "vain". 1
New User Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 No, I don't think most people have checklists, at least not serious ones where they would discount someone for not having curly hair and driving a certain kind of car. My requirements for a mate were as follows: 1. Feel something for him (that means be attracted to him and be able to develop an emotional connection) 2. Be compatible. That's it. I had no idea what he would look like, what he would do for a living, or what his hobbies would be. The above was all that mattered. I don't think that most do. I do think that a significant minority do. It's the kind of thing that is probably easier to discover in OLD as opposed to OFD (old fashioned dating ). There are enough profiles that contain what amounts to a checklist for it to be a noticeable trend to me. My profile contains a statement to the effect of "If you have a checklist in your profile you should probably skip me- whether or not I appear to meet it." This has not dissuaded a few females whose profiles read like they are ordering a pizza from contacting me. I understand dealbreakers- we've all go them, whatever they may be. I don't have any desire to participate in someone's "build the perfect mate" competition. A suspected side effect of the checklist approach in OLD is that it would make it much easier for a player to cater an approach to the woman that spells out her checklist. The first time that I ran into a possible date with a gal who had a checklist was around 20 years ago. A friend wanted to set me up with one of her girlfriends. She came back to me with a fairly detailed list that her friend "needed" in a partner (Doesn't drink, income requirement, job type- that's all I remember before I cut her off told her to tell her friend that I was an unemployed alcoholic who lived in a treehouse). I guess I just really don't understand the mindset. I've never dated perfect. I have dated gals that I thought were perfect for me. I also married a woman who insisted I was perfect..... right up until we got married and she decided that I needed to change everything about myself. I guess I should be grateful to the gals that are open about having a checklist- it lets me know who to avoid. 1
Brunettie Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Woman?s 85 Boyfriend Requirements - Watch List News I don't think people should have a checklist like that lady in the video has.. But I think people should have a "checklist" in their head of qualities they want in a partner. I don't think they should have to mentally check off qualities when assessing someone on a date, or have it be the deciding factor of if they even go on the date to begin with.
todreaminblue Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Desire to have a family, stability/dependability, having fun together/enjoy being together, similar outlook on life and relationships. that is a short check list....but it is a list 1. desire to have a family....paramount 2.stability 3, reliability or dependability 4.fun loving 5.being able to spend time together.....so not too busy or introverted 6.similar out look on life and relationships...this is about four more points.... 7.similar values 8.similar standards 9.similar beliefs 10.similar dreams or aspirations for a future together 11. suitable guy who fufills all above criterion.....i want that guy your list is a beautiful one....very similar to my list what i look for except i already have the family to go along with me ooh and add extremely patient....lol...because i am often ......different........hugs....deb 3
Weezy1973 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I believe the more superficial one's "checklist" the tougher it will be to find a relationship. Also, the more one is attracted to relationship type qualities, the easier it is to find a relationship. If John is attracted to a certain physical ideal, career accomplishments, education level, income level etc. And Jack is attracted to someone that is honest, open, a good communicator, someone with integrity etc. I think Jack will find it much easier to find a fulfilling, long term relationship. I also think it's practically impossible to change what you're attracted to (although it can change naturally over time). Unfortunately, those people that are attracted to mainly superficial traits are kind of screwed. 3
Author MrCastle Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 I believe the more superficial one's "checklist" the tougher it will be to find a relationship. Also, the more one is attracted to relationship type qualities, the easier it is to find a relationship. If John is attracted to a certain physical ideal, career accomplishments, education level, income level etc. And Jack is attracted to someone that is honest, open, a good communicator, someone with integrity etc. I think Jack will find it much easier to find a fulfilling, long term relationship. I also think it's practically impossible to change what you're attracted to (although it can change naturally over time). Unfortunately, those people that are attracted to mainly superficial traits are kind of screwed. Agree with all of this. 1
FitChick Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I didn't think his list was outrageous. I'm sure there are a fair number of women who would meet his requirements. Remember, some were "soft" requirements and if a woman he otherwise found attractive didn't have some of those qualities, he'd probably overlook them. However, what he seems to have overlooked is that the woman of his dreams might have an entirely different list herself for the man of her dreams. He may not qualify. If you didn't know what kind of job or house you wanted, you'd make a list of things you wanted in your Dream Job or Dream House. It keeps some people focused. Eyes on the Prize.
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