Vinsanity1307 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I have posted my story numerous times on here looking for advice. For those of you who do not know my story please read for me and post replies. I really need the support. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/417106-dumped-after-5-years. I am on day 26 of no contact and a little over 6 weeks since the horrid D Day. I have a few good days but its still more bad days than good. I think about my ex 70-80% of the day no matter how hard I try to focus on other things she pops in my mind. The visions of her are unbearable from a few days prior to the breakup we had a moment where we never felt more in love and believe me we had alot of in love moments through 5 years. We walked on the beach nude together at night just talking (no it was not a nude beach), and really into each other and feeding off each others words like we just met and it was the honeymoon phase all over again. It was reassurance of our relationship. We ended the walk and talk finally by making love in the ocean. We had great(FANTASTIC) moments but this was just a breathtaking moment of our connection and our love after 5 years it was still there. Long story short I come back from vaca after her leaving early cause of work and she dumps me few days later. Even when I was still up there she would text and call every night and say are you coming home yet I miss you. during the days we were apart. I cant sleep now, I have anxiety issues, seems like things are piling up for the worse for me. I dont know what to do I exercise 4 times a week as I always been. I run, I am eating healthy but losing weight like there is not tomorrow. I was muscular but am losing the weight and muscle fast. I am lost and again we are 6 weeks post break up Oh and she lives 50 yards from my house, and I havent run into her near my house but we seem to pass each other all the time throughout the city when we never did before what are the odds? This does not help. I break down when this happens. Please read my first post to get more info on the relationship. I am desperate for advice please help!
JDPT Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 First thing is to discontinue ruminating on past experiences. The thoughts will come and go but if you don't add wood to that fire the fire will eventually burn out. And it will be just another thought going in and coming right out. Continue going to the gym, keeping busy at work enroll in extra activities, get yourself moving strong and faster. I was dumped roughly 3.5 months ago I'm at day 25 of NC and just like you I have my ups and downs and I project those to stick around but I simultaneously try my hardest to let go off things and move forward with my life. It hurts like hell trust me I know but you can't give up, know that one day you will love again, and you will feel that same passion, desire and love for someone who will reciprocate and will be more suitable for you.
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 I try not to add wood to the fire, but it's uncontrollable....it always comes back to that moment
JDPT Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 We all had those moments with our exes, I personally can think of a million at least. The memories will be there, we could be in our 60s and we will still remember the trick here is to learn how to live with them and gradually start pushing them towards a place where we no longer need to deal with them on a daily basis. This will only come with time and commitment towards moving on. Don't rush things, there is no easy way out of this, joy wouldn't feel so good if it wasn't for pain, be patient and in time you will start healing. 3
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Thanks, but too slow of a process...
Ireallydontknow Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Thanks, but too slow of a process... Don't be like the flakey women who dumped us and complain about the process. It takes work and effort, but one day each of us here wont need to come to LS. We will of moved on and led better lives because of it. I am getting my weight under control after 20+ years of obesity. I'll find a girl perfect for me, who can be the woman for me. This sucks, I know, trust me, I just got done doing another one of my crying sessions. But each one will take me closer to my goal. We need to keep strong and be strong for each other. Being strong isn't about suppressing anything though. If you need to cry, just freaking fall down and let it all out. The more you do it the less of a hold it's going to have on you. So stand up brother! We got work to do.
JDPT Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Don't be like the flakey women who dumped us and complain about the process. It takes work and effort, but one day each of us here wont need to come to LS. We will of moved on and led better lives because of it. I am getting my weight under control after 20+ years of obesity. I'll find a girl perfect for me, who can be the woman for me. This sucks, I know, trust me, I just got done doing another one of my crying sessions. But each one will take me closer to my goal. We need to keep strong and be strong for each other. Being strong isn't about suppressing anything though. If you need to cry, just freaking fall down and let it all out. The more you do it the less of a hold it's going to have on you. So stand up brother! We got work to do. I commend you on your weight lose and attitude. Keep fighting the good fight. And you are right we have tons of work to do.
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Congrats on your weight loss....but letting go and moving on is easier said than done
barky2 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Congrats on your weight loss....but letting go and moving on is easier said than done Your right its not easy...but what in life is? And honestly, after you've put in the work and get back to 100% you'll be proud of yourself and you'll be stronger than ever, and you'll attract someone else. I can promise you that. Barky
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Thanks for.your opinion..still don't see that light at the end of the tunnel...I hope your right....
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 ANy other opinions? Much appreciated..
Brown-Eyez Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Your right its not easy...but what in life is? And honestly, after you've put in the work and get back to 100% you'll be proud of yourself and you'll be stronger than ever, and you'll attract someone else. I can promise you that. Barky Sorry but there are no guarantees that someone better will come along or that "you'll attract someone else"...
lovesucks76 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 ANy other opinions? Much appreciated.. It doesn't matter what we say...you will NOT like the answer. It doesn't matter how many people reply here...you till will dismiss their advice. I know you probably would rather hear: "Dude, You got this. She will come back to you very soon." Unfortunately, we just never know what's around the corner. We can NOT predict the future. BUT based on experiences from many others here, the best thing to do is to focus on your own life since its the only thing you can really control at this time. It will also pay dividends later as you will be in a better position to either forget about her or enter into a new relationship. I totally understand the frustration. We come here looking for a magic bullet to bring the love of our lives back. There's no magic bullet man. Control what you can control and that's YOU and YOUR actions. Getting over someone is a slow and painful process and can become significantly slower if you allow yourself to dream about a possible reconciliation. Work on YOU man, and let go! Yes, let go! That's the only chance something good will come out of this. I promise you! 1
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