Is there a way to save this?

[LoveIs]

It sounds pathetic to say it, but this breakup is not what I want and I feel desperate to do anything I can to fix it. But there isn't anything, and my compulsions and obsessions won't let me stop texting.

 

The short version: he was emotionally unavailable two years ago and kept me at arms length. Came back after over a year of no contact, acknowledging that everything I ever wanted was not unreasonable and that he just had not been ready for a relationship at that time. Gave me the relationship of my dreams, lots of talking of the future (plans, family, etc.). I was skeptical at first, but he won me over. Due to some underlying issues that didn't get resolved (explained below), he broke up with me. Hard to understand exactly why, because the story changes and when we talked about it, it was just like finding every excuse in the book.

 

There were some trust issues on both of our parts from the beginning. He lives a 3 hour drive away, so it was a distance relationship, but not so bad because we saw each other every weekend. I didn't trust him to be emotionally connected at first, but he definitely was. His friends told me how he missed me the whole time and really loved me.

 

He has jealousy issues. I have male friends. I didn't feel it was appropriate for him to swoop in and demand that I give up my male friends right away. I was exclusive with him and not interested in dating anyone else, but I do think it's important to keep up hobbies and friendships. He considers meeting up for coffee, lunch, dinner with a friend of the opposite sex (for straight people) a date. He had problems with some of my hobbies at first (salsa dancing, for example). I slowly found that I was giving up my friendships and hobbies. That was partly my bad for being willing to do it, partly his bad for making me feel uncomfortable about it. This led to me being unhappy and unfulfilled. At first, it was ok, I had my weekends with him. But then I think the loss of identity got to me and made me feel insecure. I would reach out to him for security and not get very much or not get the reaction I wanted and be grumpy or take everything as a sign of him not wanting to be in the relationship.

 

I know that I'm intense and have a tendency to overreact to things and become very insecure. Then I talk and text too much and the other person just needs some bloody space, but I can't seem to help myself. I feel like if I had just played it cool and left him alone, he wouldn't have broken up with me. And I see where he feels like I did not acknowledge his efforts enough. I don't think I treated him as well as I should have because I wasn't happy, but I can fix that not being happy by resuming my activities and being aware of the things that bother him.

 

I just can't accept that it's over. I know he missed me before when I was out of his life. I know he'll miss me again. I just want him to still want to be in the relationship and I can't stand it. I would give anything to go back and not do the things that led to him feeling underappreciated. I flipped out over really stupid stuff way too much and I'm so full of regret.

 

I can read all of that garbage and I just know how crazy, pathetic, and obsessive it all sounds. But it's how I feel. I want there to be something I can say that will make him realize just how sorry I am and give me another chance.

 

Everyone says I just have to let it go. Rationally I know they are right. I feel insane because I can't make myself do it.

Edited August 19, 2013 by LoveIs

[templeofmax]

You are both insecure. Why would you sacrifice yourself to cater to someone else's insecurities? Same happened to me, when my ex was jealous of every other girl that pass my way (Im talking strangers here) and then she was the one who dumped me 3 times. If you beg for him back, you will become his doormat. Let him go and unless he is willing to change himself, there is not much you can do right now.

[LoveIs]

I know you're right. I KNOW the only thing to do is let it go. I hate this.