New User Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 negativity If you don't see the anger and negativity in (yours particularly) the posts about the subject here, you are willfully ignorant. I strongly suspect that negativity oozes out of your profile and out of your interactions with females online as well. When you say ridiculous stuff about it being "destructive to your very soul" you are essentially admitting that your self worth is way too wrapped up in your interactions with people you haven't even met yet. I can't tell you how to be funny- just write your profile in a way that reflects YOUR sense of humor. Mine's kind of dry and my profile reflects that. Two of my pictures are jokes (head in large plastic shark's mouth and an absolutely ridiculous ensemble) and the rest of them are all shots of me doing something.There isn't a formula for success, but there's a lot of them for failure. One of the key ingredients for a lot of the formulas for failure is negativity. I can't help but think that your response is pretty much a summary of why you're not doing well- angry, condescending, touchy, and reflective of someone with extremely thin skin. You come across as actually being offended that anyone dare suggest OLD can be fun. Which is the point. OLD and regular dating are supposed to be fun. Every post that I've seen you make on here has been steeped in negativity. I can't help but think, again, that this is reflective of your offline personality. Which would explain exactly why you are having problems finding romantic partners both on and offline. I suspect that the biggest help for you would be to stop taking the whole process so damn seriously and stop feeling like (I'm inferring from tone here) you need somebody else to be happy. General suggestions (if you decide to try OLD again)- have a female friend choose your pics. Have her read your profile and ask her for advice. If you have close female friends, you might want to ask them to tell you honestly what they think your strongest points are to them. Work those in. Random **** that helps everyone with confidence problems- get in good physical condition and stay there. Talk to people you don't know at least a few times a week. Learn how to nonverbally convey openness (smile, posture, etc). Find an enjoyable social hobby that is active- trail running club, sport club, recreational breaking and entering club; whatever. Just find something fun to do that will put you around other people. Oh yeah: Site-OKC. POF's slightly more classy hipster aunt. Area- Midwest, U.S.A. (urban, mostly) to the SE USA (rural, mostly) depending on where the work is at the moment(typically in one place for 1-4 weeks). I am certainly not the only one who has had success in meeting people using OLD. Not by a long shot. Hope that helps at least a little. Though I'll honestly be surprised if it doesn't just generate another thin-skin response. In any case, good luck. 2
henderson14 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 (edited) I don't think that's true about looks being least important to girls. They are openly very specific with what they want to see in a picture. No shirtless pics (which I can understand), but also, pictures where you are active, you have to be smiling, no beers in the picture, good quality, etc. These are things GIRLS have admitted on various forums that I have seen. Those things you listed had nothing to do with physical attractiveness as much as what they say about the guy. Having a shirtless pic or no pics with friends shows you are a loser or weirdo. If it was about looks the shirtless pics would be good. And why would you post a picture of yourself not smiling? You seem clueless. Seems like the women are doing a good job of filtering guys like you out. ITS YOU. NOT THE WOMEN THAT ARE THE PROBLEM! Edited August 21, 2013 by henderson14
Author 365daysgone Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 Those things you listed had nothing to do with physical attractiveness as much as what they say about the guy. Having a shirtless pic or no pics with friends shows you are a loser or weirdo. If it was about looks the shirtless pics would be good. And why would you post a picture of yourself not smiling? You seem clueless. Seems like the women are doing a good job of filtering guys like you out. ITS YOU. NOT THE WOMEN THAT ARE THE PROBLEM! So because I have no pictures with friends (literally...I actually DON'T have any) and am trying my absolute hardest to make some, I am a loser? Jesus. Thank you. Enjoy your life of having dozens of contacts in your phone. Must be nice.
henderson14 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 So because I have no pictures with friends (literally...I actually DON'T have any) and am trying my absolute hardest to make some, I am a loser? Jesus. Thank you. Enjoy your life of having dozens of contacts in your phone. Must be nice. I'm sure you will make some, but girls on those sites are looking for reasons not to date you because of all the guys on there. I think if you find a network of friends you won't need to use those sites. I would work on yourself first and then once you are happy with that the gf will come naturally.
Author 365daysgone Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 I'm sure you will make some, but girls on those sites are looking for reasons not to date you because of all the guys on there. I think if you find a network of friends you won't need to use those sites. I would work on yourself first and then once you are happy with that the gf will come naturally. I'm tying man. As I've already read in two other threads on how to meet people, it is not as easy as it seems. It's next to impossible to meet people. School an work have seemed like the only realistic opportunities to me. I already hate this online dating thing. I feel like a piece of candy to these girls. They might give me a date on Monday, but then jimmy gets one on Tuesday, Johnny gets Wednesday, Freddy gets Thursday, etc. and then she chooses a guy. Even if I am chosen, I don't want to be. I want nothing to do with the sickness of this whole thing.
salparadise Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I feel like a piece of candy to these girls. They might give me a date on Monday, but then jimmy gets one on Tuesday, Johnny gets Wednesday, Freddy gets Thursday, etc. and then she chooses a guy. This is the worst part of it. I find that the sheer numbers (on both ends) make it difficult to invest in a person like you would normally starting out. But it's a two way street, so you get to peruse the candy store and be selective too. I was just thinking this morning that I need to be keeping a running list of active prospects so that I don't inadvertently neglect someone, and probably need to reduce the number so I can give more attention to the best prospects.
Author 365daysgone Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 This is the worst part of it. I find that the sheer numbers (on both ends) make it difficult to invest in a person like you would normally starting out. But it's a two way street, so you get to peruse the candy store and be selective too. I was just thinking this morning that I need to be keeping a running list of active prospects so that I don't inadvertently neglect someone, and probably need to reduce the number so I can give more attention to the best prospects. It feels more like I am in a candy store and the owner says "sorry sir, you can only have this one or this one." But the girls get the whole selection. The question is, once they choose a candy, how long until they want to try something else?
New User Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 It feels more like I am in a candy store and the owner says "sorry sir, you can only have this one or this one." But the girls get the whole selection. The question is, once they choose a candy, how long until they want to try something else? Nobody can have whoever they want.... Nobody. I don't really know what to say to your last sentence. There isn't really a dearth of people to choose from either online or in person and someone who decides that they want to "try something else" will always have that choice.
salparadise Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 It feels more like I am in a candy store and the owner says "sorry sir, you can only have this one or this one." But the girls get the whole selection. The question is, once they choose a candy, how long until they want to try something else? If your desire is to slide into a nice groove and date one person, then it's important to be able to figure out early on whether a woman is also ready, or if she's enamored with all of the attention. The process is cyclical for most, I believe. Look for clues that she's frustrated and ready to start a relationship with one person. Prompt if necessary. Some will be quick to express a desire to be done with it. Those are good prospects. I am going out with someone this weekend who is brand new and I will be her first date. It's unknown as to what her mindset is, but she's smart, flirty and attractive so I'm going to give it a shot and see what happens. I don't think she's dated for quite awhile, so maybe she's not jaded and hasn't started seeing people as generic. Of course I can't overemphasize the need to come off in your profile as a high-quality prospect. Good pics, targeted written section and humor. This is what allows you to sample more than one or two pieces of the candy.
CryForNoOne Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Wrong. I've had plenty of women check my profile, my photos, and everything else. I'm not the problem, it's the stuck up mentality of women in my immediate area. Even a friend of mine that is very attractive, the pinnicle of tall dark and handsome, athletic, etc…. Even he says the women in our area are f'd up. He used to date women out of the area…and they would literally throw themselves at him. But the women around here act like none of us are good enough. This is such a lame excuse yet sadly I hear it all the time. "There is nothing wrong with me, it's that every single one of the thousands of girls in my area are stuck up b**ches." Ya right... 1
PlumPrincess Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 We could do this all day but if you are not going to read what I am sayin then forget it. SOLEY based on looks is shallow. I care far more about personality then looks. If you go solely by looks and do not read the about me section then you are shallow. Last time I am sayin it. You don't bother to check out profiles and read the About Me section from women you don't find attractive. So, do you think women are shallow and stupid?
CryForNoOne Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I don't think its that easy for girls to find a decent guy on there either. Most girls I've known who have used it, it never worked out for them and they stayed single for a long time. I don't think it works for anyone really. I only know of one person who it has worked for out of many. Male or Female. Lol. I have several guy friends who use it to hookup and they get laid all the time. I used it to find a GF and it took me less than 2 months. We've been together almost 5 months. It's more competitive than dating IRL, but I suspect most of the guys who spew venom about OLD don't have much success offline either... 1
henderson14 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Lol. I have several guy friends who use it to hookup and they get laid all the time. I used it to find a GF and it took me less than 2 months. We've been together almost 5 months. It's more competitive than dating IRL, but I suspect most of the guys who spew venom about OLD don't have much success offline either... Everyone "gets laid all the time" when they are bragging on a message board anyomously or bragging to their friends. Funny how that works. Something. Tells me that is a lie or exaggeration.
Mascara Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 You don't bother to check out profiles and read the About Me section from women you don't find attractive. So, do you think women are shallow and stupid? He's really not getting it. Let me try - you FIRST OF ALL decide if a woman is attractive enough, yes? THEN IF SHE IS you read her profile and decide whether or not to message her? What if you decide she isn't attractive enough?
CryForNoOne Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Everyone "gets laid all the time" when they are bragging on a message board anyomously or bragging to their friends. Funny how that works. Something. Tells me that is a lie or exaggeration. Basic math. For every girl getting a date online, there is a guy going on that date with her. If most guys are frustrated on the sidelines, it stands to reason a handful of guys are getting all the action. A few of my friends are among them. I tried OLD because of one friend in particular. The guy had multiple dates every week and sometimes more than one a night or even one at a time! He's good looking but he certainly isn't a Ryan Gosling. I asked him "how the hell do you do it?" and he said OKCupid so I had to try it. I had only a couple dates the first month or so but once I figured out the game, I had about 10 dates in a very short span and one of them turned into a LTR. It does.happen...
white Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 (edited) words I'm negative about OLD in this thread, yes. I call it as I see it. I only started it 3 weeks ago because of people talking about it here to see what was up. I saw. I am not the only one who has found it unpleasant by a long chalk, I don't need to tell you. Perhaps I did go into it unfairly expecting anything at all. I don't think anyone would do anything ever if they didn't expect the slightest result. So it is galling, definitely, to be so empty handed, and I will tell people what I think about that. I'm not crying into my treble scotch and the 'soul' bit was a touch of humour (I thought you were good at that) for emphasis. It's not me taking things too seriously here for sure. Is someone paying you to defend OLD? Did OLD save your dog? Did OLD cover for you when you got busted? I found out 2 days ago that a friend of my sisters runs a blog about his experiences of OLD. He's a successful, witty and moderately attractive guy. He gets a meet maybe 1 in 50. Nothing comes of those. Acceptably successful at dating the old fashioned way, he treats OLD as entertainment now. He's the only person in my entire sphere of influence who's even done it except myself. I will concede that I chose a bad site in POF, as I understand it, with bad pictures - but then I'm not the handsomest man and in my opinion there's only so much polishing you can give a turd. At least they were honest. And I did get one woman interested, who lived too far away and was religious. The way some people here tell it, a 1 in ~30 positive result is gangbusters for OLD. Pardon me for not being enthused. Anyway. Apart from that, your whole post is bollocks. You assume way too much. You're an armchair psychologist in the finest internet forum tradition. Except your armchair diagnosis doesn't even make sense. My posts on this site are nearly always far more positive, balanced and kinder than most, not negative. I leave that to others, who do oblige. I don't know who you've confused me with. Did you mean in this thread only? Because sure I'm negative in here. If you really knew my posts you'd know, point by point, none of what you said applies to me. Stellar job on the non-antagonism though. Edited August 22, 2013 by white
Author 365daysgone Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 I agree. This whole OLD thing is nuts. Sit here sending dozens of messages to get one responce. I've already ran out of girls within an25 minutes distance to message. I've gotten one responce from some nut job who stands me up and is just continuing to lead me to believe she has an intention of meeting me through the text messages she is sending. This site is ****ed. But really, how do you fix it? Girls don't ask guys out. Guys have to seek girls. Girls get hundreds of messages a day. Girls get an ego boost. And around and around we go. My cynicism is warranted.
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