Blastoplast Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I was out Saturday night and out of the blue my friend asks me about my EX, asking if I was over her, or if I talk about her much. This is a year and a half after our break-up -- we were together for 7 years. I said yeah we're done, I really don't talk to her anymore or think about her that much. He then tells me he saw her out with a date for a wedding, that he seemed like a nice guy (gee, thanks for that detail:mad:.) Anyways, this starts eating away at me the rest of the night. I see one of her friends out and I confront her about my EX, somehow I bring up that she was at a wedding and I ask if she was dating. She was like "yeah, they've been casually dating for a while -- but he's moving away in a while". I somehow bring up that I think she might have been cheating on me at the end, but her friend says no way!... she was 100% not cheating. However, she told me that my EX did think about cheating on me one night, and that's part of the reason why she broke up with me. So now it got me thinking that she's had feelings for this guy while we were still dating (they worked together for a bit, and they would go out in a group of work friends when he was back home), and while she didn't physically cheat on me -- it was still emotionally cheating and it hurts me a little bit, even this much later. It just irks me... that she wouldn't disclose this to me during our break-up to either save her face or maybe to not hurt me. This on top of everything else that went down just makes me dislike my EX even more. I've had chances to stray and cheat on her multiple times, even once or twice seriously thought about it -- but then I realized how great of a woman I had (or so I thought). I've been intimate with 6 different women since the break-up, had a few girls I was dating too and it still hurts to hear this. Even after hearing about how much better I can do than my ex from multiple different people -- guys and girls, this still hurts. I just have to keep telling myself how poorly she treated me at the end, how bad our sex life was, how much she nagged me about everything, about how she's in debt thousands of dollars to me, how she's weak-willed and a coward, how she never did anything extraordinary for me. That's this guy's problem now! /end rant
Philosoraptor Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I'm sorry you had to find out this news, but it doesn't change the facts. As much as it would be nice if everyone was honest, you are certainly aware that she wasn't. There is probably a lot more she didn't tell you at the end, but knowing it doesn't change the fact that the relationship ended. Focus on yourself and take your focus off her and your past, it's taking you away from your present chance at happiness.
Author Blastoplast Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 I'm sorry you had to find out this news, but it doesn't change the facts. As much as it would be nice if everyone was honest, you are certainly aware that she wasn't. There is probably a lot more she didn't tell you at the end, but knowing it doesn't change the fact that the relationship ended. Focus on yourself and take your focus off her and your past, it's taking you away from your present chance at happiness. Thanks for your input. I had been thinking about her a little bit in the past few weeks, and I don't know why... by keeping busy and even dating or hooking up here or there it really helped keep a distance from her, but for some reason she still creeps up. It's clear to me that she was already checked out of our relationship MONTHS before she broke the news to me. It makes me sick to think about how we were talking about marriage, getting fit for a ring just a mere MONTH before she broke up with me. Without a doubt I deserve much ****ing better! I've heard the same from guy friends, girl friends and even strangers who know about our breakup or know my EX -- that I can do better, that I deserve better and how awesome I am that I will find a great girl, yet I still end up thinking about my EX. School can't get here soon enough (enrolled last year at the ripe old age of 29 to finish my Bachelor's!)
Author Blastoplast Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Just sent a good girl friend of mine a text about my situation and paraphrased she said "I know it hurts, but maybe you needed to see her to move on for you to move on too." that got my eyes watering, but it's so true -- and was good to hear it from a woman friend because I would NEVER get that insight from one of my guy friends!
SmithJ Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I was with a guy for 4 years (not my most recent ex) and when we split up I missed him so much, thought he was the only guy for me etc. We didn't speak after the break up and about a year later his friend asked whether I wanted to meet him and my ex. I said yes and was nervous but excited as I wanted him to want me back and fall in love with me again. When I got to the bar he looked the same but when we started speaking we had nothing in common anymore and I wasn't attracted to him anymore, there was just nothing there. I finished my drink and went home early and it made me realize that the guy I was dating was a much better option than my ex. I'm really glad I saw him because it made me realize he wasn't perfect and there was just nothing there so I can stop thinking 'what if' It might be the same for you but be careful as it could go the other way and you be back at square one 3
Author Blastoplast Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 I was with a guy for 4 years (not my most recent ex) and when we split up I missed him so much, thought he was the only guy for me etc. We didn't speak after the break up and about a year later his friend asked whether I wanted to meet him and my ex. I said yes and was nervous but excited as I wanted him to want me back and fall in love with me again. When I got to the bar he looked the same but when we started speaking we had nothing in common anymore and I wasn't attracted to him anymore, there was just nothing there. I finished my drink and went home early and it made me realize that the guy I was dating was a much better option than my ex. I'm really glad I saw him because it made me realize he wasn't perfect and there was just nothing there so I can stop thinking 'what if' It might be the same for you but be careful as it could go the other way and you be back at square one Well I hope I can get to the point you're at -- having a great partner and seeing the ex and wondering what I ever saw in them, or not seeing anything in them that excites you. I adore my EX, but she did have some issues exacerbated by financial strain and a stale relationship. I'd like to catch up with her some time, but still not ready. Thanks for all the positive words peeps, a few days after hearing she was casually dating it doesn't really bother me much anymore!
SmithJ Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I don't have a great partner now (unfortunately haha) but it was good to just be able to see the ex after a certain amount of time had passed and realize he wasn't what I had built up in my head. It could go either way though (just warning you)
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