IcedCoffee Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I will try not to ramble too much!! About 4 weeks ago my boyfriend and I broke up. It was the first time I'd ever been in a serious relationship and at 26 it had taken me a while to take that step. We were only together 7 months and we lived together for 2 of those. I was in a new city, in my first year of Uni and I was sick of saying no to everything or person that came my way - so this time I said yes. He asked me to move in several times for the couple of months until my contract started at my student house with 3 of my friends as he knew I was hating halls! Anyway I hesitated for about a month but then I decided just to do it. Anyway we got on really well and both were in love with each other. Or so I thought. So time came for me to move out and he had made loads of comments before hand about me staying but he never out right asked me to stay and anyway I was locked into a tenancy and had made a commitment to my friends before we were ever serious. I moved out and after that I saw him twice, both at my initiation and both times I felt something had changed, he would always bring up that i'd moved out and not to sound crass but I felt like a booty call on both occasions. The last time I saw him he was going to drop me home but I forgot my keys and so had to wait around at his until one of my housemates got home. He had someone come and buy a car and then was going out later with the guys. A housemate finally got home and I could leave! He said you've missed the train I said I'll wait for the next but nope he started slamming the windows shut and was like come on i'll take you. The whole way he never spoke to me. He never even said goodbye or acknowledged mine or my thanks. I cannot describe how horrible I felt in that moment. I decided I am not contacting him. A week after him not bothering I was like no - I am not having this, I don't deserve it. So I called with the intention of asking to meet up to talk, however I just got attacked verbally! He told me he had doubts from the beginning about my caring nature and then laughed as I am studying to be a nurse, and that I never thought of him when he dropped me home as I could of got the train and a load of other horrible stuff. I was shocked. He said he loved me but that he just can't see how I am going to change! I don't get it - so now I don't think he did love me, not really if he didn't accept me how I am and to be honest I am a considerate person and yes I have flaws but I don't think I need to change! Looking back I can see so many things that were wrong - he got frustrated with me as I am not very experienced (this was my first serious relationship), I would ask if he wanted anything when going out he would say no and then when I came back he would say things like 'why didn't you get me anything, I haven't eaten all day.' He was very un-supportive emotionally and after being intimate would say things like 'Aren't you going to cuddle me then' instead of demonstrating affection he always seemed to call me out like there was something wrong with me... My mind is so jumbled by all the conflicting messages I got during the relationship.Logically I know we were not on the same wave length, we shared the same views on big issues but we didn't think in the same way. I thought I was okay. I came home to mum and I felt better after a few weeks but that past few days I just feel like I can't breathe and like I'm suffocated if he wanders into my mind (which is frequently)... Does it get better? Should you have to change who you are? DO you stop thinking about someone and missing them? Any advice on ways to get over it would be so appreciated!! I am about to start placement as nurse on a cardiac ward and I don't want to scare the patients by being a blubbering idiot!!
Philosoraptor Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Your experience didn't seem to be the issue at all. Looks like he wanted you to read his mind and would get angry if you did something that he told you to do. From what you write he also seems to be quite misleading and has traits that align with someone who is controlling and abusive. Honestly you were strong to put your foot down and lucky to get out early. Does it get better? Yes, be patient and take care of yourself. Allow yourself to move on and be happy. Should you have to change who you are? Absoultely not, never should you change who you are for someone else. If someone doesn't appreciate you for who you are then they are not the right person for you. DO you stop thinking about someone and missing them? Yes, once you allow yourself to heal and find happiness in your own life the ex won't really matter at all anymore. 1
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