amb Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 My old roommate and good friend of mine winded up sleeping together right before he moved overseas. We lived together for a year and I considered him to be a close friend. I had feelings for him for awhile and wanted to tell him months prior, before we slept together, but it never felt like the right time. I texted him a couple days after it happened and he didn't respond for several days. He said he was sorry for replying late, but had a work function on Friday and had been catching up with family all weekend, then asked how my weekend was going. The time for him to move was getting closer and closer and I told him that we needed to talk before he left, but he seemed like he was avoiding it. We kept agreeing on times to meet up to see each other before he left and the day finally came. He said he would be in my area later and that he would call me once he was there. He was on his way when he suddenly told me that he was going to see his other friend first then come to see me. Well, a couple hours went by and then he said that he was now on his way home and he wouldn't be able to see me before he left. Dumbfounded and shocked, I called him, but no answer. I sent him a message saying that I needed to talk to him but I guess I would write him an email instead. I told him I was really hurt that he would leave without saying goodbye and that I would never do that to him and that he was important to me and that I really cared about him. He texted me a few days later saying he saw my email and didn't "mean to leave without saying goodbye." He took one month to reply to me and wrote me a completely impersonal message saying that just because he didn't say goodbye doesn't mean that he doesn't care... and some other crap about how he hopes we can hang out soon (even though he just moved overeas??) Anyways, he didn't address anything that I said about my feelings so I replied and him point blank that I had had feelings for him for a long time and I really wanted and needed to tell him that before he left. It was a nice email and I basically told him that I wanted him to be happy but left it up to him to keep in contact with me. That was 3-4 months ago and he never even replied after I basically said that I loved him. I'm sure he was afraid after we slept together and dealing with feelings isn't his favorite past time, but why would someone be so cold and callous and move away from someone they supposedly "care" about without saying goodbye? I know that he had feelings for me too and even told me that he thought we had something special awhile back. I've had a hard time trying to let go and move past it, just because there was no closure and it was so sudden. I know it's not worth my time, but maybe someone can help me make sense of it all.
MidwestUSA Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I'm confused. Your old roommate and good friend slept together. You slept with who? But anyway, the guy that left simply didn't have the feelings for you that you had for him. He took the coward's way out. Sex doesn't 'cement' feelings. So sorry. Write him off.
Sweetgirl28 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I have moved overseas as well and know all the drama that comes with leaving someone behind. I fell in love with a guy two weeks prior to my departure. At the time, I didn't see it coming at all. He was handsome, sweet, understanding, caring and very athletic. We slept together and I thought that would establish our relationship but it didn't. Once I was overseas, we skyped one time and that was it. He started to ignore me completely from that point onwards. It went on for months. Eventually, we had a chat conversation on Facebook and he was going off on me about how I thought I was crazy for wanting a relationship after only two weeks and how he was not able to commit to someone overseas etc. It's been a year now. Honestly, I'm glad it didn't work out because if he was too childish to commit to someone who was overseas for a couple of months, then he wasn't worth it.
Emilia Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 but why would someone be so cold and callous and move away from someone they supposedly "care" about without saying goodbye? I know that he had feelings for me too and even told me that he thought we had something special awhile back. I've had a hard time trying to let go and move past it, just because there was no closure and it was so sudden. I know it's not worth my time, but maybe someone can help me make sense of it all. He wanted what was easy for him and didn't care about your feelings.
ForeverHopeful1 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I have moved overseas as well and know all the drama that comes with leaving someone behind. I fell in love with a guy two weeks prior to my departure. At the time, I didn't see it coming at all. He was handsome, sweet, understanding, caring and very athletic. We slept together and I thought that would establish our relationship but it didn't. Once I was overseas, we skyped one time and that was it. He started to ignore me completely from that point onwards. It went on for months. Eventually, we had a chat conversation on Facebook and he was going off on me about how I thought I was crazy for wanting a relationship after only two weeks and how he was not able to commit to someone overseas etc. It's been a year now. Honestly, I'm glad it didn't work out because if he was too childish to commit to someone who was overseas for a couple of months, then he wasn't worth it. Although his behavior means he may have been childish, it idn't childish to not want to date you overseas. Some individuals are not willing to date someone they never see. It is a preference, not childish.
Sweetgirl28 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Although his behavior means he may have been childish, it idn't childish to not want to date you overseas. Some individuals are not willing to date someone they never see. It is a preference, not childish. Oh no, I was referring to his behavior when I got back.
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