Starting Over...

[iouaname]

I know that I broke no contact and I know that it is my own fault that I am going through what I'm going through now. I just... it is what it is. This man has drained me emotionally. Not necessarily his actions, but the relationship and my feelings in the aftermath - all of it has been so difficult. He has become a completely different person, and I guess in a lot of ways, so have I. I just want to stop feeling so inferior.

 

I know that I have a lot of love to give. I am not a cheater, and while I was with my ex, I never once thought about cheating on him. I had many opportunities, but he was really the apple of my eye. I was always loyal to him. I would defend him when he needed defending, and I stuck by him through times that were really turbulent for me as well. I feel that in the end, I got nothing. I'm afraid that I'll never be able to give that to someone again because of how badly it hurt this time. I'm honestly a simple girl. I want a husband who I can cherish and who will value me. I want a nice apartment or home, with some pets and maybe some children.

Edited August 22, 2013 by iouaname

[cavalier99]

I know that I broke no contact and I know that it is my own fault that I am going through what I'm going through now. I just... it is what it is. This man has drained me emotionally. Not necessarily his actions, but the relationship and my feelings in the aftermath - all of it has been so difficult. He has become a completely different person, and I guess in a lot of ways, so have I. I just want to stop feeling so inferior.

 

I know that I have a lot of love to give. I am not a cheater, and while I was with my ex, I never once thought about cheating on him. I had many opportunities, but he was really the apple of my eye. I was always loyal to him. I would defend him when he needed defending, and I stuck by him through times that were really turbulent for me as well. I feel that in the end, I got nothing. I'm afraid that I'll never be able to give that to someone again because of how badly it hurt this time. I'm honestly a simple girl. I want a husband who I can cherish and who will value me. I want a nice apartment or home, with some pets and maybe some children.

 

Just keep on going. It will eventually get better. Hang in there ok? You sound like a great gal. The haze will lift. Cav

[iouaname]

Thanks, Cav!

 

I am doing a bit better. I haven't contacted him or even so much as engaged him when the group texts come up. I've also managed to stay off of all social media sites, so I'm feeling a little bit better.

 

I'm still having some anxiety, and I'm still having trouble getting myself motivated. It's a little tough knowing that he was able to move on (even though the girl doesn't want a relationship with him ), while I'm still struggling to do so, but I guess it's just going to take more time for me.

[mtnbiker3000]

I just want to stop feeling so inferior.

 

I know what you mean. It's like they won and we lost. So easy for them to appear so strong and confident while we look weak and pathetic. Although I don't feel sad or depressed anymore, I kind of almost feel broken. Like there is some piece missing from me. Screw her for doing that to me!! Shame on me for letting it happen!!

 

I know that I have a lot of love to give. I am not a cheater, and while I was with my ex, I never once thought about cheating on him. I had many opportunities, but he was really the apple of my eye. I was always loyal to him. I would defend him when he needed defending, and I stuck by him through times that were really turbulent for me as well. I feel that in the end, I got nothing. I'm afraid that I'll never be able to give that to someone again because of how badly it hurt this time. I'm honestly a simple girl. I want a husband who I can cherish and who will value me. I want a nice apartment or home, with some pets and maybe some children.

 

Me too. Exactly!!! Just wanted to have a good woman, a nice house and decent job. Currently, I have none of those.

[youngnlove89]

I'm also a PRIME example of breaking up, going NC, then contacting, seeing him, and then breaking up AGAIN. Repeating a million times. Hurting myself over and over and blaming him for my pain. It's his fault! He did this to me!

 

That was my main problem: blaming him.

 

We can blame our ex's all day, but in the end it's us we should be mad at. We have control over our happiness, our life, what we can wear in the morning, what to eat, who to see, who's phone call to answer...we have control over US. It's not their responsibility to make you happy, it's yours.

 

Don't focus on what you could have done differently because then your mind will become consumed with regret. Focus on what you can do differently NOW. You've learned your lesson. You know the repercussions. Avoid doing it again. I know it's hard and it's tempting and you know I'm in the same boat as you! :-)

 

Take it one day at a time. Make your goals reachable. Make a commitment to 24 ours of NC. Smile. Join something. Meet new people. Get out of your bed.

 

This anxiety stems from you thinking too much about the future. I KNOW because I've been there. As soon as I learned how to control my thoughts and take in things small vs things too big for me to handle, the anxiety lessened. My anxiety came from being too worried about the future. Thinking too far into the future and the what if's.

 

Maybe you should take back control and block him? It works for some, not all. Do what you think is best for YOU. Every time you think about what he is feeling or what he is doing, re-focus your attention on what YOU are doing and what YOU are feeling. Remember the awful things he did to you, don't forget that.

 

Best revenge is being happy and successful. Success is letting him go and moving on. Let go of that fear and anxiety. There isn't really a process to prescribe, it's all in your head. The mind is a powerful thing.

[iouaname]

I don't blame him. I know where I got myself into the problem. Since then, I have gone back to doing what I need to do to look out for myself. I just don't have the emotional energy to put into this situation, again. In a way, I think that it's a good thing. I just don't want to spend time thinking about him or the situation or how to feel better, I just want to get on with my life.

[mtnbiker3000]

I know it's totally negative, but I'm beginning to think I'm just not cut out for a successful relationship...

[iouaname]

Trust me, I know the feeling!

 

I know that everyone feels that for a little while after a breakup, but for me... I've never actually had romantic feelings for anyone other than my ex. Not before the relationship, and of course not after. I don't want to put on a depressed "I'll never meet anyone :(" but I can't help but feel there's something missing from me. Most of my girlfriends have had a few relationships in their lives, and now two of them are moving in with boyfriends who they are on their way to becoming engaged to. It's tough...

[mtnbiker3000]

Trust me, I know the feeling!

 

I know that everyone feels that for a little while after a breakup, but for me... I've never actually had romantic feelings for anyone other than my ex. Not before the relationship, and of course not after. I don't want to put on a depressed "I'll never meet anyone :(" but I can't help but feel there's something missing from me. Most of my girlfriends have had a few relationships in their lives, and now two of them are moving in with boyfriends who they are on their way to becoming engaged to. It's tough...

 

Agreed... I waited till I was 38 to really care about and love someone. I've had plenty of relationships but this was the first time I was ever in love, truly cared and just wanted to make them happy. I would have done anything for this girl. That's what makes this so hard to accept and makes the rejection so difficult. Not sure I even want to try again. I want to want to, but don't know if I have it in me!!

[iouaname]

Yeah, it's kind of the same thing for me. I really think that I would have done just about anything for this man, so it hurt that he was willing to let me go. I just remember during the relationship how close he and I were, and how I felt like I could talk to him about anything. Now we can barely tolerate each other. It's just tough.

 

It's definitely cliche to say "I'll never find anyone :(" and I know that. I think that I'm pretty picky as it is, so it might just be tough. Right now I'm just trying to take it day-by-day and keep moving forward with my life and just see what happens with me. I have accepted that my ex will most likely be in a relationship before me and I think after a weekend of melting down about it, I'm just kind of over it. I've sort of just shut down all of the emotions related to it, and now I just sort of feel like I'm on auto-pilot.

[iouaname]

I leave to go back to school on Sunday, and I just want this weekend to be over with. I need distraction. I feel like my life is headed no where. Everyone says that breakups are not a competition, but how can you not compare? I just feel so lonely, worthless, and hopeless...

 

I know that he'll never return. He'll never feel like he made a mistake, and he'll never offer an apology for how badly he's broken me. He'll just move on with his life, to his new girl or to another one after this one. I've accepted that but it still stings.

[Chris715]

I leave to go back to school on Sunday, and I just want this weekend to be over with. I need distraction. I feel like my life is headed no where. Everyone says that breakups are not a competition, but how can you not compare? I just feel so lonely, worthless, and hopeless...

 

I know that he'll never return. He'll never feel like he made a mistake, and he'll never offer an apology for how badly he's broken me. He'll just move on with his life, to his new girl or to another one after this one. I've accepted that but it still stings.

 

This is EXACTLY how I feel right now about my ex girlfriend and our whole relationship, so you're not alone. And I start college on Monday. Here's hoping we both get distracted with school and start to feel better. Sure beats a summer's worth of moping around.

[iouaname]

This is EXACTLY how I feel right now about my ex girlfriend and our whole relationship, so you're not alone. And I start college on Monday. Here's hoping we both get distracted with school and start to feel better. Sure beats a summer's worth of moping around.

 

Yeah, I'm packing now. It's hard though, I keep thinking about him because I remember excitedly texting him last year as I was getting ready to go to school

 

I'm trying to take it easy. I'm excited to go back to school, but I'm also a little anxious. Transitions are always the toughest for me because I want to reach out to him.

 

I feel kind of hopeless looking towards the future. I'm graduating school this year, and I don't know what I'm going to do afterward. I feel like in one-fell-swoop my entire life was changed and made so uncertain. It stresses me out...

[cavalier99]

Yeah, I'm packing now. It's hard though, I keep thinking about him because I remember excitedly texting him last year as I was getting ready to go to school

 

I'm trying to take it easy. I'm excited to go back to school, but I'm also a little anxious. Transitions are always the toughest for me because I want to reach out to him.

 

I feel kind of hopeless looking towards the future. I'm graduating school this year, and I don't know what I'm going to do afterward. I feel like in one-fell-swoop my entire life was changed and made so uncertain. It stresses me out...

 

You think too much. Rock on! Cav

[iouaname]

Yes, I've always been guilty of that. It's unfortunately not something that I've learned how to turn off. I'm hoping that going back to school will offer a distraction. I thought I would be in a much different place by the end of this summer

[LoveIs]

Yes, for sure. I know breaking no contact is a mistake, and I always know it's a mistake as I'm doing it.

 

I just feel like I've run out of strength. I've been on medication for a long time, I've been to two different therapists, I've taken up new hobbies and have done as much as possible to just keep myself busy and distracted. However, I always seem to cave. I'm just not sure that I have the emotional strength to carry on with it again. I just feel at constant war with myself. I feel like I've exhausted all of the emotional support in my life. The breakup was so long ago that I'm ashamed to admit to people in my life that I am still struggling and making these amateur mistakes all of the time, so I've stopped talking to people about it and put on a front that I am over it.

 

You're right that I'm not at square one. Just the mere fact that I kept my composure around him this time shows me that I'm getting better at controlling how I display my emotions. Still, I just feel exhausted with myself.

 

I am not suicidal. I could never do that to my family, but there are definitely times where I just wish I could not be alive and not have to deal with this any longer.

 

Man, I feel like I could have written everything you are writing. It makes me feel like I am crazy. Maybe what we're going through isn't normal, but it's terribly common.

[cavalier99]

Yes, I've always been guilty of that. It's unfortunately not something that I've learned how to turn off. I'm hoping that going back to school will offer a distraction. I thought I would be in a much different place by the end of this summer

 

Haha all good. Just try to control these.thoughts. Shut them down. It was a big part of my recovery. seemed to help a lot. Rock on! Cav

[iouaname]

I'm back at school. I moved in yesterday, and honestly, I didn't think about him much at all yesterday. I've made a commitment to myself that I am done being heartbroken over this immature, insecure man and that I am going to enjoy my semester. I feel like being back down at school will give me the distraction and the routine that I need in order to keep complete no contact. I just "feel" distanced from him and from everything and it feels a lot better.

 

I just don't want to be dealing with this for a whole year

[mtnbiker3000]

I just "feel" distanced from him and from everything and it feels a lot better.

 

I know the feeling. I feel trapped in this small town with my ex. Haven't really crossed paths in 5 months, but feel like it's just a matter of time. Constantly scan a parking lot for her car before entering a store or restaurant. Always feel like she could pop up right in front of me at any moment. Living in fear? Maybe. I am afraid. This BU rocked me to my core and I don't want to be reminded of it or her. So, yeah, I guess so...

 

This is her town now, and she can have it. I hate it here and can't wait till I can get out. Anywhere but here

[unexpectedlyhere]

I wish I was going back to school! I have a few friends that are and am planning to try and swiftly insert myself in their social circles

 

Make the most of the new year. School is great!

[iouaname]

Yeah, I actually had a really good day today! It's amazing how much better you can feel just by changing the atmosphere. I had classes today and just kind of sat and enjoyed being able to have the distraction. I bought a book and as I was reading it, a girl who I met last night came and sat down at the table with me and we chatted for about an hour and a half, we ended up exchanging phone numbers and hopefully will be hanging out this semester. After classes, I came back and did some Yoga and then got dinner with two of my roommates.

 

I feel a little bit of a slump in the afternoon, and I start to think about the ex, but I just try to focus my attention on to something else and be grateful for the distance and distraction.

 

The girl that I met is actually such an inspiration. She was addicted to alcohol and opiates at a young age, was in a five-year relationship that turned really sour, and then was in a devastating car-accident where she lost the ability to walk and lost a lot of her cognitive and motor skills. Speaking to her, I would have never known. All of this happened at once, too. She was in the accident with her boyfriend but he walked away without a scratch, and then dumped her while she was in the hospital going through drug withdrawals and all of these injuries. She told me that she basically told herself that she was NOT going to let any of that ruin her life at the age of 19, and through sheer-determination turned her life around. She can walk and function completely normally now, has been sober for 15 months, and in the last two months has started seeing a guy who she said treats her so well that she couldn't imagine ever hurting him. The entire time she was telling me that story, I sat there and thought - "WTF iou? She has been through all of this and bounced back and you're miserable over some ass who didn't even deserve you in the first-place." There were times I thought about taking my life because I just wasn't 'enjoying' it, and here is someone whose life was almost taken from them and who fought to keep it. It just turned my perspective around completely. I think that people come into your life for a reason, and I'm going to take advantage of having crossed paths with this girl. This semester, I've decided that through sheer determination, I am going to pull myself together and start living again.

[iouaname]

Mornings can be tough. I catch myself sometimes thinking about him with his new girl, and what their situation is. It hurts much less than I anticipated that it would. It's weird - I woke up this morning and realized that he wasn't the first thing that I thought about. It used to be that I couldn't go even a couple of minutes without thinking about him, but I think being down at school and maintaining no contact at the same time has really made a huge difference. I know that if I just stick with this, I'll be feeling back to my normal self by the end of the semester, if not sooner.

[iouaname]

I've remained no contact since that awful weekend... don't have a desire to break it, but I'm still struggling a little bit. I just want to stop feeling so broken...