seewhatidid Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I got some really great advice on here last time about this guy so I thought I'd reach out again. We've been dating for two months now, and things are going great. Except last night we had plans to hang out at 9, and he called 5 minutes beforehand (slightly drunk) and and asked whether I wanted to hang out with a group of his friends who were leaving town the next day. Now normally I'd have been happy to do that, but they were going somewhere I really couldn't go, for various reasons. He asked whether we could hang out the next day instead, and honestly he'd pissed me off a little so I said no. I'd turned down an offer to go out with my friends because I had plans to see him and I'd spent ages getting ready. It wasn't about him going out with his friends; if he'd let me know a couple of hours beforehand instead of 5 minutes before he was supposed to turn up, it would have been fine. Or if he'd said, "Look this is what my friends are doing, I'd love to go but I've committed to plans with you so we'll do whatever you want." In which case I would have probably encouraged him to go ahead and hang out with them, because he would have acknowledged that his previously made commitments are a priority. He said he completely understood where I was coming from and kept saying he wanted to come over, but I said no because I did understand that he'd want to spend time with friends who were leaving, and because I knew I wouldn't have been much company after that. I'm going to text him today and see if he wants to meet up for a coffee to talk about it. I'm obviously not going to break up with him over this, but I have two questions: i) Am I being unreasonable or overreacting? I didn't get angry or anything, I told him how I felt very clamly. ii) If I'm not, how to I handle this so he knows that disrespecting my time is most definitely not ok? Thank you so much!
Philosoraptor Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 You aren't unreasonable for feeling upset in this situation. It's only courtesy to let someone know ASAP when you know your plans have changed. You need to kindly ask that in the future if he knows plans have changed that you would like to be informed as soon as he knows so that you can adjust your schedule. You spent a lot of time getting ready and that time could have been more wisely spent doing something else had he informed you beforehand.
hestheone66 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 he didn't cancel plans with you.. you canceled plans with him. From your post you said that he and you had plans to 'hang out' he was not cancelling but letting you know that you were hanging out with others instead. If it were a firm plan of 'let's go out to dinner, just the two of us etc" then i can see why you would feel entitled to be upset. The bigger picutre is..why create dramas when none actually exist, you could have joined in and then had some alone time afterwards and then no bad feeling and the need to 'talk about it' (eww) afterwards. Btw, you should not be initiating a conversation about this.. he should be the one to bring it up. Are you feeling insecure? if so, why? is that just you? or has he given you a rational reason to be insecure?
hestheone66 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 sorry, ignore my previous post, I hadn't properly read the part where you said you couldn't go where he was going , 1
Skyraider829 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I got some really great advice on here last time about this guy so I thought I'd reach out again. We've been dating for two months now, and things are going great. Except last night we had plans to hang out at 9, and he called 5 minutes beforehand (slightly drunk) and and asked whether I wanted to hang out with a group of his friends who were leaving town the next day. Now normally I'd have been happy to do that, but they were going somewhere I really couldn't go, for various reasons. He asked whether we could hang out the next day instead, and honestly he'd pissed me off a little so I said no. I'd turned down an offer to go out with my friends because I had plans to see him and I'd spent ages getting ready. It wasn't about him going out with his friends; if he'd let me know a couple of hours beforehand instead of 5 minutes before he was supposed to turn up, it would have been fine. Or if he'd said, "Look this is what my friends are doing, I'd love to go but I've committed to plans with you so we'll do whatever you want." In which case I would have probably encouraged him to go ahead and hang out with them, because he would have acknowledged that his previously made commitments are a priority. He said he completely understood where I was coming from and kept saying he wanted to come over, but I said no because I did understand that he'd want to spend time with friends who were leaving, and because I knew I wouldn't have been much company after that. I'm going to text him today and see if he wants to meet up for a coffee to talk about it. I'm obviously not going to break up with him over this, but I have two questions: i) Am I being unreasonable or overreacting? I didn't get angry or anything, I told him how I felt very clamly. ii) If I'm not, how to I handle this so he knows that disrespecting my time is most definitely not ok? Thank you so much! I don't think you're overreacting. But he should be more considerate of commitments with you rather than just making a quick call to let you know he's going to go hang with his buddies whilst already mildly drunk. He needs to refine his time frame a little.
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