Pasicel Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Very glad I found this site, It's something i look forward to read every day. Pretty long and detailed. I will keep this updated, thanks for reading and any advice is welcome. So here is my story, I was with my ex girlfriend for 5 years. We've known each other since 7th grade, had a crush back then! But nothing ever happened, fast forward 3 years. Sophomore year is where we ran into each other due to mutual friends. We began dating, only to find out I was in competition with another guy. pfft. I did everything to win her heart and I soon did. We were our first everything besides kiss. We had an amazing relationship throughout high school. Everyone envied us, and wondered how we were so happy, never broken up, nothing everything was perfect. We hung out all day at school and even after school. High school graduation came, everything was still great! Until her mother was laid off and her family ( cousins,aunts etc. ) began to i guess you can saw, disown them due to some disagreements. I helped her cope with everything, she lost her house. Her mom and her were forced to live with one of her cousins, until they eventually kicked her out. Keep in mind her mother at this point is still not employed. My EX. was working a part time job at minimum wage.. She somehow managed so barely get by paying rent at a 1 bed room apartment. I helped her get a second job where the pay was a bit better but had her working crazy amount of hours and managed to even go to school full time. This is where everything started failing, we rarely saw each other, and i accepted that because i know how hard she was working. But i noticed weird things. She SOMEHOW managed to spend time with her new co-workers more then with me. I was bugged, but had me convinced she only was able to was because they get off at the exact time and spent some time right after work.. also, this girl. was head over heels for me, she was that type of girl whenever she felt a great amount of guilt , she would vomit and force herself to admit whatever it is. The reason i say that is because i've seen her experience that. So i had an enormous amount of trust in her. I believe i gave her too much freedom. The relationship gradually started to crash, and i thought not much about it. however, i did bring it up to her attention, letting her know i am seeing weird things happening, for ex. she would text one of her guy co-workers more then she did with me! I joking played around when i brought that up, she laughed and said, hes only 19 years old( we're 20 soon to be 21 ) never had a girlfriend and hes very immature. Unfortunately, I believed it. Couple weeks went by, and really noticed our relationship was making me unhappy, and wasn't the same, i brought it up to her attention countless of times. and she always swore, she would make it better. and apologized and always used the, work/school was making it hard for, being that she could barely afford rent but she would do whatever it takes to make it work. Forgot to mention, i saw her once or even twice a week if i was lucky. One day she told me to visit her at a job ( shes a server ) i told her that would be king of weird going alone but she said just come. Unfortunately, i was stuck at work and since i wasn't able to make it. I went to her work late at night thinking I would surprise her. I waited 3 hours thinking she was still working, only to find out she wasn't ( i waited until the last car left ). I was ANGRY. AMAZINGLY upset. I texted her things i never thought I'd say. But after all these months of holding back and thinking it would work, it finally hit me. I told its basically over. This was about 2AM. She texted me at 330 saying she just woke up. Not sure if I believe this now that i think about it. And said she was so sorry, if she wanted to come to my house, and she was actually hurt. It reassured me that actually still loved me. But, I told her i had enough. It wasn't the same, you didnt try or cared anymore. 2 days go by, i went to her job to see how she was doing. she took her 30minute lunch and we went to my car to talk things out. I couldn't help but smile seeing her. Our conversations were pretty much, a sorry and i hope everything is ok.. 1 hour goes by after i leave, and she tells me. It's too hard to see me and to not do that again. We need time apart. Seeing me only makes her remember about what i've said, I apologized for what i said. Went NC for a couple of day. And I couldn't help it. I was amazingly depressed. I begged her to come see me and talk things out. She had a hard time saying yes, but she agreed to see me outside her job an hour before she went in... I cried, I've cried like never before. Ive never ever cried like i did that day. i poured myself out to her. She did cry, and i wont forget what she said... " Dont cry baby" while she hugged me and cried a bit too. The memory is a little vague, but she went to work and texted me. I love you, but please. we need our distance. I went NC again for a couple of days, thinking i would give her some time to think about things. So a couple days go by. I left her a note on her at her first job, i didn't get a reply. So after my work ended, I went to her other job, and found her car. so she was working, I waited about an hour, and she finally came out, i pulled my car right behind hers, forcing her not to leave. I wanted to find out what the hell is going on. She didn't want to talk, but i basically forced. telling her, I'm not moving or going anywhere until we talk. I'm not here to get back together, If its not working out, i want a proper closure. She reluctantly agreed, i parked my car telling her not to leave or i would follow her.. ( I've never been like that, but dont think i was gonna do something amazingly stupid. I was calm, not yelling. or threatening, i just wanted answers ) We talked for awhile, she was acting weird, very nervous. and telling me there's nothing to say. we're not together. No tears involved from neither of us. But for some reason, 30minutes in, i broke down again, not as bad. she wiped my tears off. I wanted to know, how could you kick me to the curb? Like i mean nothing to you. 5 years... 5 strong years, and now i'm nothing to you. It hurt so bad guys, man. This is not the person i fell in love with. She was a great person, she cared for other people. She told me its hard for her to do this, she has no one but her dog and music. Which relieved me because i thought she was dating someone else.. She did mention something that hit me, I asked her how long do you think until we talk again, she said who knows. a year? i was shocked and replied, serious??? ---- with a reply of,, i dont know, maybe 6 months. and she follows up with, it's not fair for our future. When we date other people, we can't be talking to each other, i disagreed and told her. We have a history, You cant erase that from your memory, a lot of happy moments we had. she did agree and said she will miss us... And before i ended the conversation, i kissed her cheek, grabbed her hand and without tears i told her... Im going to miss you, she broke down and I left... I went NC for 2 weeks I was fine for a bit, it reassured me she still cared for me and i had high hopes we would get back with eachother, thinking she would regret going cold turkey on me. She didn't I became obsessed and kept texting her, wanting to know what the hell is going on. I again went to her job, and she didnt want anything to do with me. she didnt give me a chance to talk to her.. ( she did always tell me, even during this mess that whenever i need something to call her. and she would be there for me ) I told her i needed to talk, & she says that she is too tired and wants to sleep, that this isn't the time. I told her i thought you would be here for me? all she could say she was sorry. I drove away, extremely depressed. punching my streeting wheel. I pulled over to the side and texted her, telling her i cant believe this is happening, calling her a horrible person, a person i dont know anymore. I made up a BS story for a reason i came. I told her im moving out of state in 3 weeks. And it worked, we texted for a couple of hours, talking about our past and the great memories we had and how depressed she is thinking about me leaving. ( man i was pretty desperate... ) I asked maybe we can hang out once last time before i leave for example tomorrow, im off work, she told me she cant because she works all day that day.. ( i found out thats a lie later on.... ) Once again she didn't reply, for a couple of days, i asked my friends for advice on what they think was going on. and they told me, she has to be entertained somewhere, there has to be another guy. I wasn't convinced, until one day at the gym I ran into my pops, and he told me the same thing, there must be another guy.. And it hit me, i had to find out. I immediately created a fake instagram ( hence she blocked me so i cant see anything and she wouldn't approve just anybody ) so i even added some guys from her work to get a lead.. And that guy i mentioned earlier who she would always text more then she texted me.. yeah that 19 year old kid........ approved my request ( his was private ) and my heart was completely torn. COMPLETELY. words cant describe this paint. I was at work, and i wanted to pass out. i couldnt move, i wanted to cry but i knew i couldnt. There were pics of them together, with things saying -- with HER<3333 they were at a baseball game. there were also comments saying,, aww you guys make a great couple. -- you guys are so cute --- etc... there was also another picture some little toy she bought for him, and she wrote notes on them for him, " you are my sunshine " - " you make me smile " -- " & i wouldnt have it any other way " --- she also commented on the picture with hearts. i was devastated guys, extremely - i didn't know what to do. i wanted to do some crazy things. i wanted to ruin her life ( this whole **** made me turn into a person i never thought id even think about ) go and kick that guys ass make a scene ETC. But i was convinced not to, and that would only push them together. This was 2 days ago, Its hard for me to eat. that same day when my pops convinced me she was seeing someone i was texting her, telling her i know theres someone else ( when i didn't know ) and i would bug her every day until she admits. She convinced me she wasnt.. Man, I'm such a fool. I full of anger. Betrayed. Everything i did. Like i never mattered. WHen she had me convinced, i told her thank you for being honest, and she didnt text back.. 45minutes later i found out that guy approved me on instagram, and thats when i collapsed. I couldnt help, but text her saying, Hey.. One Second... Thanks for the lies ------- Just remember. Karma is a Bitch.... later that night, she replied, What are you talking about (my name ) ..... I didn't reply, I have the NC in full effect. at least for the last 2 days, heh. I deleted the guy, because i couldnt help but keep looking at that picture of them together. Now everything is clicking. I thought i made a mistake, for breaking up with her. i thought i caused this.. But now im thinking. I broke up with because things were being different. And it was most liekyl different because she probably had feelings for this guy prior to us breaking up -- and this is the same guy she always texted and told me basically to not worry about it hes an immature guy bla bla bla. I keep telling myself she cheated on me and she probably did. I'm training myself to be upset at her then depressed and its helping me cope with things. And then i think.. When i broke up with her, why did she fight to stay together that same day. Maybe she didnt want to leave -- maybe he is just a rebound -- but reading those comments other people wrote has me believing this has been going on for awhile. And she took advantage of us breaking up - convincing me - i had to deal with my actions -- and that i wasn't happy anymore -- and it was my fault!!!! Earlier today, i left the gym, and i couldnt help but break down while driving. I've been keeping myself busy, with friends, and i'm excited to start this semester of college. I'm a rollercoaster right now. Im Angry.Betrayed.Depressed. Sometimes even happy we broke up because i can experience life at 20. But i still think she is the one.. But i know, at least i think i know if she were to come back.. its un-repairable . i lost my trust. i catch myself at random times driving screaming and picture me talking to her very upset. I'm a nice guy, have a great job, go to school, have friends, and im even fit with a great car. and even with this, i still feel empty, I love reading everyones stories, because i know now im not alone. I will definitely keep this thread updated weekly or whenever something happens. I plan on NC for a long time and for some reason, i secretly hope she texts me or i run into her in 3months. I dont know why, maybe my head would clear up by then. I also secretly want her to be unhappy and regret her decisions for betraying me like im a piece of ****. But rather doing it physically which i would never do, I would rather doing it emotionally. I would probably would have taken it a slightly easier if this guy didn't look like such a douche bag and immature. I still have a lot things to say, but i know this is long enough. And who knows, maybe this is for the best. Its just a time in my life i NEVER thought id go through. Heh, Life......Thats Life for you. Full of suprises. Thanks for reading guys, I had to vent -- and if something doesn't make sence...i typed this pretty quick, let me know so i can clear it up. Im happy right now, but tomorrow morning. I know it will just be another battle with my emotions -- back to square one!
Author Pasicel Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Wow, this is way too long i got carried away.. I don't think I'd even read my own story, but thank you for whoever does.
Lani Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I read it, wish I'd brought a packed lunch along though! I don't really think you need any advice here. You know how you feel and what needs to be done, and not contacting her is the hardest part I'm sure. It will get easier with time, and you'll move on to find someone who appreciates you more than she would have. It seems as though the relationship was over before it officially ended, and this is through no fault of your own. These things happen. People drift apart. Especially when you get so involved at such a young age. Hang in there 2
LostOne1 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Well I read most of it and you kinda remind me of me during when my ex and I broke up. I had this sense of always knowing what was up, why, and analyzing things. Looking back I regret it all and you will too. However, it's also good, because you will def learn from this for your next relationship. My advice man.. leave her alone. Regardless of the reasons she doesn't want to be with you. Accept it, I mean would you want a girl back who begs you over and over and runs into you all the time and comes to your work a few times. Heck, if some girl did that to me I'd want to get rid of her FAST. That's how she sees you now, so it's time to force yourself to STOP. Just picture that NOW life will NOT have her in the picture. Cut all ties with her, in fact get rid of her number. In my case I needed a new cell phone, so I just bought a new one. I never ported her number over on my new contacts list. Nor did she ever text me or anything. So I felt like I had no way to contact her at all. Right now you seem like an obsessed guy or a stalker. It's time to let it go... otherwise you will see after a year later how stupid and desperate your actions were. Let it go man... she isn't the one for you and she has **** to take care of. It's time to move on a new adventure and friend... she isn't part of this new adventure... I hate to say it.. **** happens, but my guess from all the info is you guys were too young. You still have so much to see and learn... and experience. Take your relationship as a LEARNING experience and move on with all the things you learned. And hang in there after awhile the pain goes away. In fact in a few days it will be 1 yr of my break up and about 10 months complete NC. I have to say in that time, I'm already back on the dating scene and have made so many positive changes. I'm actually happier now than I was in the relationship. So just know with time things change and you have no idea what lays ahead... but what ever it is... it will be a new adventure!
halaluyaa Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Pal, Even i got tensed so much and felt the pain while reading your story because same happened to me. Yes, you will cry, you will torn your heart out, even if you are a emotional guy like me you will get drunk everynight to ease the paîn and be able to sleep. But after couple of months you will rise as a phoenix and be awesome and meet a so much better girl. Dont do the mistakes i did. Keep with NC. Because think that îf she ever want to get back together will you want her back after all of this? I know it is easier saying than actually doing because i have dilemmas about taking ex back if she wanted. Be strong pal. You are a solid strong man. Have a great life without her.
Author Pasicel Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Thanks a ton guys! I just hate mornings, shes the first thing I think about And I keep picturing them together, having fun, and doing other things. Im here at my work desk, just thinking of what the future holds. wondering if I could ever trust someone like I did before. the pain is unimaginable. I need some advice. Ive been listening to some love music, break up music. I tend to sing along, it makes me upset. But it also of course reminds me of whats going on. Is it ok to do this?
JDPT Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 (edited) WOW, I read the whole thing and I wanted to keep reading more! I really felt your pain when you discovered those pictures, trust me I had to stop reading for a while because I truly imagined how you must have felt. This reminds me of my first love while I was in high school same deal sort of, we met in the 10th grade loved her (so I thought, it was more puppy love) and had a "wonderful" relationship. Her mother hated me because I used to bring her home late as she had a curfew of 10pm, now this is over a decade ago. Her mother than found her a job at the mall and I would see less and less of her. I recall when I visited her at her job her co-workers asked if I was her boyfriend, I replied, "yes" and they proceeded to tell me that she used to flirt particularly with someone who worked there, I tried to brush it off yet I was furious. One thing lead to the other and we later broke up, it was a nasty break up, I would catch her coming home at 3am, when I thought she had a curfew of 10pm. Of course she was going out with some guy shortly after our break up. At that point I gave up and decided never to see her again. I presume she married the guy who she rapidly dated after me. I look back at all of that now and see how silly that whole situation was. I too thought she was the one for me but later in life experienced true love with my ex who sadly dumped me 3.5 months ago. You are so young, and it's a very good learning experience at such a young age. Focus on yourself, school, work, gym, accomplish all the things you will like to accomplish as you are a free agent. Additionally, be prepared for a lot of ups and downs, be strong and commit to NC, it's the best healer. And stop listening to sad break up songs, it only exacerbates your situation. Shift the genre to something more upbeat. We are all here for you. Edited August 19, 2013 by JDPT
Author Pasicel Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 Hi guys, heres an update. Yesterday at about 130AM she calls me up.... I had a NC going, however theres a reason she called. That same day, i told my pops A to Z on what happened in our relationship and how it ended and apparently later that night he told my mother lol....... My mother texted her, basically saying how could you do this. youre so cold.. do you think youre cool? yadda yadda. I have no idea. So my EX calls me crying 10 minutes after those texts. I was sleeping and the call woke me up, once i saw her number, i didnt think. I answered it right away, and as soon as i answer it, i was seconds away from hanging up. I wasn't sure what to do.. I stayed on the phone, we spoke until 5AM.. about 3 hours, just everything on whats been going on. Apparently she has no feeling for that guy, theyre not bf/gf, things are going horribly in her life and he has been helping her out. ( ha, im not gullible person, i have my guard extremely high, with no hopes of anything to this day ) --- she did mention they PECKED. a couple of times, which stung me, but surprisingly did crush me. I acted extremely calm, like a friend, giving her advice. and she was surprised how i reacted - she was afraid and was afraid every day that i was going to do something horrible to her and to him. I'm pretty sure i scored some points there ( my goal isn't to get back with her, at least any time soon. I'm trying to turn the tables here ) -- i didn't cry at all during our convo, at the end -- i told her im worried, i dont think this was a good idea talking again. ( trying to have her realize i can move on perfectly fine without her. ) She wasn't sure how to answer that, but we are actually still texting to this day. I'm playing a very dangerous rope and i'm keeping my emotions & feelings away as best as i can - i even started talking to this new girl to keep me from falling all over again. I did tell her during our convo that i believe i hate you. I'm not sad, I'm angry. Upset, you backstabbed me. Kicked me to the curb, she also did say she really thought we would get back together later through the months before all this started happening, she just wanted to recover from everything.. I don't have high hopes for anything. I still don't have her added on my instagram. We have been texting / calling each other here and there. When she does text, i take my time replying -- i dont reply right away. I told her, we can be friends i dont have a problem with that, but the fact that your life is crumbling apart even more now - here is my advice not as an ex boyfriend, but as a true friend -- focus on your priorities. She believes shes going to get fired soon - I did tell her, if this guy is a rebound and you have no feelings for him -- dont lead him on, because i dont want him to have his heart crushed the way you crushed mine.( i honestly can givve 2 ****s about him, I just want her to believe i do care ) This is your decision, just realize i'm here to help. If you do decide to stay with him, i can live with that the way im living with it now - but just look at how your life is going. She said ever since our break up she has been very insecure, always careful of what she does, she thought she could be independent. If she wants me back, she'll have to fight hard, harder then ever. because this barrier i built, i don't think anyone will ever get through. You wont see me chasing her & believe me. its hard - i dont know how i'm doing it but its getting done. I let her text me first. Lets see how this goes
Chi townD Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 So my EX calls me crying 10 minutes after those texts. I stayed on the phone, we spoke until 5AM.. about 3 hours, just everything on whats been going on. Apparently she has no feeling for that guy, theyre not bf/gf, things are going horribly in her life and he has been helping her out. ( ha, im not gullible person, i have my guard extremely high, with no hopes of anything to this day ) --- she did mention they PECKED. a couple of times, which stung me, but surprisingly did crush me. I acted extremely calm, like a friend, giving her advice. and she was surprised how i reacted - she was afraid and was afraid every day that i was going to do something horrible to her and to him. Uh huh....two words for you and that story from her.....BULL and SH*T!! First off, you blow her out of the water when you first discovered that she was cheating and lying to you. You stated "Thanks for all of the lies." The ONLY thing she followed up with is " Huh? what are you talking about?" AND NOTHING ELSE!!! You mom finds out the truth and I'm guessing your mother is a person that she respected and liked. Your mom is blowing up at her and I'm pretty sure she wasn't cryptic about it and let her have it with both barrels! One thing about women is that they can't stand it when they think a person hates them or doesn't think that they are a nice person. Funny how THAT caused her to blow up your phone! You knew the truth and now she was in damage control to try and put herself in a better light with your mother. But, don't forget....the pics of them together. She made a CHOICE to spend that time with him when she COULD have been spending it with you. The things she was writing on his instagram by her own hand, "You are my sunshine" or "I wouldn't have it any other way" Yet, she's trying to convince you that it wasn't a big deal. Dude, she. is. lying!! She only shared a few "pecks" with him. Yeah....right. One thing about cheaters, without concrete proof from you, they will only admit to what you can prove. And if they're confessing, they only tell you the bare minimum to make it seem not as bad as what it truly is. So, take the word "pecks" and change the first two letters. Then, you probably have the truth as to the extent of their relationship. Dude, time to move on from this girl. You've got a lot going on in your life. Continue to make positive changes. Go dark on her. she made a choice a while back and unfortunately, it wasn't you. 1
curiouslyhuman Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Oh lord, my friend you have no idea how this is going to pan out and im telling you its not going to be good. Prepare yourself for the ride of your life because this sounds like a serious heartbreak and I could feel the pain in your posts. Right now there is no control on your part. As much as you think you are in control of whats going on at any time, you are in the wrong. The only thing you can control now... is yourself. Unfortunately, hope and chance are going to be your biggest enemies at this point. You will be torn for the longest time in trying to believe what she says vs what you think is happening and that my friend is the biggest torture for anyone who has ever been betrayed. My advice. Stay away from this girl for a VERY long time. Let it sink in that what she did was absolutely wrong and she should be a better person in life. The more contact that happens between you too, the more her actions will be justified in some way or another unless you are completely aloof to her, which is clearly not even close to the case, nor will it be months from now. The hardest road to travel now is the one where you avoid any and all contact with this girl and you probably wont be able to resist. Facebook stalking and texts and asking questions about her to her friends is almost unavoidable. Try and limit that damage the most you can by going out with friends, having hobbies, sports, anything that can temporarily get your mind off this. Get ready for a rollercoaster of emotions. One day you will think to yourself "good riddance" the next day youll miss her like youd miss air. I wish you the best of luck and hope that after all the dust settles youll be able to hold your head high or at least learn as quickly as possible what NOT to do if ever this happens again.
Recommended Posts