liliyah Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 We have been separated for about 9 months now , I've chosen NC because he doesn't seem to know what he wants , but we have a son together and he always comes on the weekend to see him , he can't take him because he is renting a room , when he comes its really awkward now , but he still seems to want to hang out with me and the kids , every time he comes its a huge set back as long as I don't see him I'm great I feel good and as soon as he comes around it hurts all over again ,what must I do to stop this awkwardness and not hang out ? Any advice would be great !
L1ght Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 We have been separated for about 9 months now , I've chosen NC because he doesn't seem to know what he wants , but we have a son together and he always comes on the weekend to see him , he can't take him because he is renting a room , when he comes its really awkward now , but he still seems to want to hang out with me and the kids , every time he comes its a huge set back as long as I don't see him I'm great I feel good and as soon as he comes around it hurts all over again ,what must I do to stop this awkwardness and not hang out ? Any advice would be great ! Yeah. NC is impossible if you have kids and its much easier for someone like me that doesn't have any responsibilities to just stay completely away. I've talked with people in your shoes before and from them I get the sense that its something you just have to deal with because the fact is your ex will be a part of your life forever.....well until the kids grow up that is. So the best thing you can do is actively date other people and meet new friends despite having to deal with your ex more than you would like. Eventually your ex won't be such a big deal to you because you have other people (friends or lovers) that mean more to you than he does. Good luck
OzHeartache Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 We have been separated for about 9 months now , I've chosen NC because he doesn't seem to know what he wants , but we have a son together and he always comes on the weekend to see him , he can't take him because he is renting a room , when he comes its really awkward now , but he still seems to want to hang out with me and the kids , every time he comes its a huge set back as long as I don't see him I'm great I feel good and as soon as he comes around it hurts all over again ,what must I do to stop this awkwardness and not hang out ? Any advice would be great ! G'day Liliyah Can you just go out for the day until he finds his own place, is that a possibility?
Author liliyah Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Thank you for your replies !! Oz I try to leave for the day but as soon as I leave my little is so upset , I think he is so use to being with me all the time so when he is with daddy he freaks out , so as a mother I try do suck it up and stay with them 1
Author liliyah Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Light , you are spot on I guess I have to wait for them to grow and in the mean time I've have to move on !!! thanks light
JDPT Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 My ex has kids kids and is a divorcee, I'm divorced as well but have not kids. What she used to do when he had to pick up the kids or perhaps it was his weekend with him, she was simply very matter of fact. I think she learned to detach herself from him sooner as she was already in a miserable relationship but understood the fact that he would always be around because of the kids. When I would hear her on the phone with him they were both straight to the point as to whatever pertained to the kids and that was it, which was also reassuring for me. I think it will take time to get used to the whole separation but knowing that he will be around, you just need to start setting boundaries so that he is clear that all communication with him is only because of your child and nothing more.
Author liliyah Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 JDPT. Thanks I think that's true I need to switch off and remind him that's it's only for the kids nothing more , it's hard tho but I guess as time goes by it will get easier , I hope
stillafool Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Can he perhaps take the kids out to do fun things for the day away from the house?
hinatticus Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I was in your shoes once. For me, I focused everything I had on my son. It does get easier though. That I can promise you.
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