mommydatestoo Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I am 30 years old, with a 2 year old daughter. Me and my daughters father arent together and havent been through most of my daughters life since she was born. He has had alot of growing up to do and we have had a lot of past issues. I spent along time chasing him and hurt, and wanted so badly for my family to work, especially for my daughter. It just never worked every time we tried or I pursued him. He is younger then me by 4 years so he is 26 and was 24 when we had out daughter. Well this past May after 2 years of being in Mommy mode I finally started getting out and met a man. Only thing is he is 43. At first I was very hesitant, but he pursued me and I finally gave in to going out with him. It did bother me alot at first. He is 43, was married for 15 years up until about 5 years ago. He has a son who is about 18 and he also has a 2 year old daughter just like me from a hookup and someone he was never with. His daughters mom has terrible issues, is young and VERY bad parent. He was recently awarded temporary full custody, as his daughters mom cant even keep a job and all kinds of crazy issues. good thing is she knows about me and doesnt cause any issues with me. He is a great guy and for these past 3.5 months has treated me better then anyone EVER has. He says he sees me in his future. The problem is, with him having a 2 year old too it seems great as she plays with my daughter..but I always told myself I ALSO wanted more kids. And I realize he is 43 and doesnt have a whole lot of time to have them. I also find myself not quite ready to be a step mom. HE GETS NO HELP from his daughters mom, and I feel he is looking for a mother figure for his daughter. He also is strained financially because of it. He is a great dad though..but I am a new mom myself and ONE child is hard enough. I am 30, he is 43. I realize its not a 20 year difference..and most of the time I dont even think about it. But sometimes when I think about the future I do. Will I still be atttracted to him when I am 35 and he is almost 50? what if I want 1 or 2 more kids? Even the thought of gray hair bothers me and he has a few and it scares me. I keep going in and out of the uncertainty stage. Sometimes I see him as marriage potential, and sometimes I freak out and am not sure. My daughters dad has also recently come back in the picture wanting his family and a shot at us again. It is so confusing. I dont know what to do. Should I keep on with the guy I am dating? Should I give my family another shot? He has always been a good father and paid child support regardless of us and spends great time with our daughter. But I feel like me dating this new guy kind of helped me move on from my daughters dad, but I feel like do I owe it to my daughter to try?? He said he will fight to prove he has changed. I am TORN between what to do. I like this guy but not sure about the future..If I give my daughters dad a shot then it fails I would hate to lose him. but then again I am not sure if long term with the 43 year old is what I want anyway..HELP!
ForeverHopeful1 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 A good idea would be to not be with either one of them.
Author mommydatestoo Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 why do you say that? I didnt say I dont like the guy I have been saying. I just am uncertain to the future just yet, we have been seeing each other 3 months. Deep down I wanted to give my daughter a family with her dad in the past but just thought he would never change. It is just confusing. A part of me likes the guy I am with, but should I know if he is THE ONE in 3 months? Or someone I will marry?
Author mommydatestoo Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Me and the new guy arent officially together yet I told him from the day we met my need to go very slow. I have been very up front and continue to be. He wants to be together though eventually.
Ejcooper24 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 (edited) See just like your ex I'm trying to do the same thing i was with my girl for 9years and after a break up and like 1 week she got into a relationship with guy it's been 2weeks and she beenin the relat for like 5 days or so I want her back what should I do I text her like everyday almost all day but she doesn't reply we have a 5 year old son together and I want my family back how can I get her to talk to me and what should I do Edited August 19, 2013 by Ejcooper24
Mariposa10 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Don't leave a relationship because of somebody else, leave it because you're not happy about it. I agree with the other person who said that maybe you shouldn't be with your ex-husband or this new guy. From what I read you want to go back to your ex-husband because of your daughter, don't do it because of her, do it because you want to get back together with him. It also sounds like you're not really happy with this guy who's 13 years older than you. It seems like you two want different things. Remember there are more people out there for you.
Mariposa10 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 See just like your ex I'm trying to do the same thing i was with my girl for 9years and after a break up and like 1 week she got into a relationship with guy it's been 2weeks and she beenin the relat for like 5 days or so I want her back what should I do I text her like everyday almost all day but she doesn't reply we have a 5 year old son together and I want my family back how can I get her to talk to me and what should I do Give her some space, I know how painful it is, and how you feel the urge to text her every second, but you have to control yourself, nobody likes pushy/needy people. Also, she's already in another relationship, that should be a huge red flag....
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