Chris715 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Long story short I met this girl through one of my female friends who was trying to set me up with her. We all hung out in a group a few nights ago, really liked her and thought she was pretty cool. She gave me some vibes that night that she might be interested (smiled at me, laughed with me, etc.) and I got her number the next day over Facebook which she seemed to happily give. We texted sparingly yesterday, nothing much but had a brief conversation and her interest definitely seemed to be lower than it appeared in person. Today I texted "Would you like to go out for coffee sometime this week?" And didn't even get a response This is the first girl I've gone after and liked after the nasty break up with my ex in November (an entirely different story altogether, plenty of it on the Breakup forums, haha) so this basically just shot my recovering confidence down to zero again. So what gives? Did I make some big glaring mistake I'm missing that scared her away?
FitChick Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Are you sure you actually met her in real life? Because we all know that, unlike OLD, meeting someone in real life guarantees they will be totally into you. 2
smile1983 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Long story short I met this girl through one of my female friends who was trying to set me up with her. We all hung out in a group a few nights ago, really liked her and thought she was pretty cool. She gave me some vibes that night that she might be interested (smiled at me, laughed with me, etc.) and I got her number the next day over Facebook which she seemed to happily give. We texted sparingly yesterday, nothing much but had a brief conversation and her interest definitely seemed to be lower than it appeared in person. Today I texted "Would you like to go out for coffee sometime this week?" And didn't even get a response This is the first girl I've gone after and liked after the nasty break up with my ex in November (an entirely different story altogether, plenty of it on the Breakup forums, haha) so this basically just shot my recovering confidence down to zero again. So what gives? Did I make some big glaring mistake I'm missing that scared her away? Perhaps, or maybe she's just more comfortable in person than through texting. How long has it been that she hasn't responded to your text?
Author Chris715 Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Perhaps, or maybe she's just more comfortable in person than through texting. How long has it been that she hasn't responded to your text? I considered that but I sent her the text around 11am this morning and it's now 10pm... Not looking too good unless she had a freak accident with her phone.
Author Chris715 Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Are you sure you actually met her in real life? Because we all know that, unlike OLD, meeting someone in real life guarantees they will be totally into you. Yeah maybe it's one of those things and I should just forget her and move on... Still sucks either way.
cowboysmavs Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 You did not necessarily make a "glaring" mistake. She may have just not been in to you like that for any gazillion reasons. I would say maybe 50% of the numbers I got when I was really dating around ended in nothing. You call/text and it just doesn't materialize. It doesn't mean you look down on yourself though. Dating is a numbers game just keep at it. I never had problems with the rejection because you do not know each other. I wouldn't even worry about her. 2
Author Chris715 Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 You did not necessarily make a "glaring" mistake. She may have just not been in to you like that for any gazillion reasons. I would say maybe 50% of the numbers I got when I was really dating around ended in nothing. You call/text and it just doesn't materialize. It doesn't mean you look down on yourself though. Dating is a numbers game just keep at it. I never had problems with the rejection because you do not know each other. I wouldn't even worry about her. I don't think the rejection from specifically her is what's really bothering me, more of the hit to my confidence. I've finally been getting over my ugly relationship that ended in November and it feels like this set me back. I've felt like there's no one out there for me since my ex left me and instantly getting rejected like this by someone else kind of reinforces that for me.
crude Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Funny, if this happened to a woman, she'd say the woman should never initiate anything, it doesn't work out, and the women on here would concur. It happens to men hundreds of millions of times each year, but that's ok. Men should continue to put themselves out there, because we feel nothing and are hunters who love a challenge. BS. The only advice I can give you is to harden yourself, care less about women, don't feel so much, use rather than be used.
cowboysmavs Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I don't think the rejection from specifically her is what's really bothering me, more of the hit to my confidence. I've finally been getting over my ugly relationship that ended in November and it feels like this set me back. I've felt like there's no one out there for me since my ex left me and instantly getting rejected like this by someone else kind of reinforces that for me. Well there is your main problem. You have to let that girl go. I had a relationship that ended terribly and it took me a while as well. I too thought she was the only one. The sooner you let that go the better. And trust me. . You WILL get rejected again. That is just part of the game. But like the guy said above you do how to be kind of careless at least at first. And make sure you have good things going on in your life with yourself where you don't need a woman for happiness. 1
Skyraider829 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Long story short I met this girl through one of my female friends who was trying to set me up with her. We all hung out in a group a few nights ago, really liked her and thought she was pretty cool. She gave me some vibes that night that she might be interested (smiled at me, laughed with me, etc.) and I got her number the next day over Facebook which she seemed to happily give. We texted sparingly yesterday, nothing much but had a brief conversation and her interest definitely seemed to be lower than it appeared in person. Today I texted "Would you like to go out for coffee sometime this week?" And didn't even get a response This is the first girl I've gone after and liked after the nasty break up with my ex in November (an entirely different story altogether, plenty of it on the Breakup forums, haha) so this basically just shot my recovering confidence down to zero again. So what gives? Did I make some big glaring mistake I'm missing that scared her away? I'm really sorry to hear that's what went down man, I feel for you. Eh...Its not easy to say "well maybe she was busy" or whatever. Maybe she didn't have any interest. When talking in terms of probability, its always probable she could have had a quote "freak accident" with her phone although it seems highly unlikely. And then the timing: That blows. You get over a tough spot with your previous girl and then that happens. I can see why you have a dent in your confidence. But here is what I will recommend you not do: Do not blame yourself. If you didn't come off as some major league A-hole or player, then don't even bother to worry about it. You could always re-attempt this. And if round two isn't successful, its up to you to either drop it or wait and see. Once more, sorry to hear that happened to you but don't let your confidence sink because of it. I know its easier said then done, but those are my words of encouragement regardless.
Author Chris715 Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 So an update on this whole thing. She texted me back a couple days after I asked her out for coffee this week. Apologized for taking so long to respond back, and basically said "I kinda have a guy in my life right now, but I would still like to be friends". So I'm feeling a bit better and not so blown off since she decided to take the time to respond, even if it did take awhile. If she actually does want to be friends I'm happy with that because I really did think this girl was fun to hang out with and want to spend some more time with her, so I basically sent her "I understand. And yeah I'd like to be friends too." Overall I'm still bummed out by the whole thing, but feeling better that she actually responded to me asking her to coffee. And whether or not she actually wants to be friends remains to be seen.
WonderKid Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 That's what real dating is all about. When you're dating--you're still single. Everyone has options. You could be dating a woman and she would be talking to like 3 or 4 other guys; same thing with men. Just when it don't take the friends thing very seriously.
Skyraider829 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 So an update on this whole thing. She texted me back a couple days after I asked her out for coffee this week. Apologized for taking so long to respond back, and basically said "I kinda have a guy in my life right now, but I would still like to be friends". So I'm feeling a bit better and not so blown off since she decided to take the time to respond, even if it did take awhile. A friendship with her would be great, wouldn't it? And yeah, she did take the time to remember and respond after some time had elapsed so she is being considerate without a doubt. Did she anything about meeting up?
thefooloftheyear Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 If you had unrequited feelings for her, dont bother with the friends deal..Shes only saying that to lessen the blow from dropping you on your head...Just chalk it up and move on with your progress.. TFY
365daysgone Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 That's what real dating is all about. When you're dating--you're still single. Everyone has options. You could be dating a woman and she would be talking to like 3 or 4 other guys; same thing with men. Just when it don't take the friends thing very seriously. Wait. Are you saying "dating" as in a "relationship"? You wouldn't consider this to be cheating?
Skyraider829 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Wait. Are you saying "dating" as in a "relationship"? You wouldn't consider this to be cheating? Dating is not a relationship. A relationship is built after the fact if there is a mutual correspondence between the two people regarding that's where they want to go. Dating is very much an "open" ordeal in my opinion unless it becomes more official dating. One date does not constitute a relationship qualifier. 1
Author Chris715 Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 A friendship with her would be great, wouldn't it? And yeah, she did take the time to remember and respond after some time had elapsed so she is being considerate without a doubt. Did she anything about meeting up? She didn't say anything about meeting up specifically, but we did have plans to hang out as a group this next weekend. So I dunno, might see her there.
Author Chris715 Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 If you had unrequited feelings for her, dont bother with the friends deal..Shes only saying that to lessen the blow from dropping you on your head...Just chalk it up and move on with your progress.. TFY Having "feelings" for her is a huge over exaggeration. I've met her once in person and thought she was a cool girl, that's all. If she actually does want to be friends that's fine with me.
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