kaylan Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 The recent thread about women approaching men inspired this thread. So really, how the hell can us guys know when to approach you gals? In my life, Ive had girls make eye contact and smile before...and then not be into me when I approach. Ive also had girls walk by me, smile, we both say hey, and then later I dont feel like I get any vibe from them. Conversely Ive had girls who seemed not really into me add me on facebook, approach me, or talk to my friends in order to get in contact with me. So how does a guy pick up when a girl actually wants him to approach. Because it seems like a crap shoot really. Because Id swear some girls are just friendly and may not be into a guy who interprets their behavior as flirting. While other girls may be too nervous, shy, or insecure to really give off a vibe to a guy that they like him. Several times Ive been wowed by girls whove turned out to be attracted to me, because they didnt let on at all. Ladies help. Because I would like to approach girls more often, and women who are actually into me.
Star Gazer Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Long gone are the days of the dropped handkerchief... 2
smile1983 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I would say look for subtle signs. Even if a girl is shy she might blush when you pay her a compliment. You really have to approach a girl, at least talk to her, to find out for sure if she likes you. You do not have to ask her out, though. Try talking to her about something neutral and see how she responds. Generally you can tell if she's bored by the way she acts when you are talking to her. If she hangs on your every word, chances are she's interested. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 The world may never know. It's usually pretty obvious to tell when a girl is interested in someone else, but I've never been able to figure out if a woman is interested in me. I suppose if a girl forces herself on you like physically that might mean she's interested. Or if she writes you a note asking "do you like me check yes or no". Otherwise...complete mystery. 1
Miss_raptor Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I blush a lot, smile. I'm really shy in general, but if it's someone I'm attracted to, I'll try to make eye contact. After that first initial meeting, I'm pretty open about being attracted to someone. By telling them in the most awkward way possible.
Author kaylan Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Long gone are the days of the dropped handkerchief... :lmao::lmao: Oh lawd. If a girl did that today Id be smitten by her creativity alone. 4
CptSaveAho Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Why are you looking for permission to talk to a girl... Grow some balls... and stop looking for permission (iois) to say hi and ask a girl for their number 1
kazuma Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Why are you looking for permission to talk to a girl... Grow some balls... and stop looking for permission (iois) to say hi and ask a girl for their number Why is it that I'm the only one that thinks it is rude and awkward to come up to a women with such a pretense? Am I totally wrong in those regards?
CrystalCastles Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Ah, I'm absolutely blatantly obvious. There's a coworker I have a crush on, and here's what I do: -I make excuses to stop by at his desk and chat. He likes to ask me a lot of questions so I tend to stay there a while. -I look at him a lot. Or I pointedly ignore him. Or I smile. I also laugh at his lame jokes a lot more than anyone else's. -I talk to him about personal things (nothing too intimate or scary!) -I like to make physical contact. Hugging, or smacking him playfully. A lot of the time he encourages it, since we goof around often and he says things like "Go on, smack me". -I text him occasionally (I'm not big on texting, I only ever text my best friend). -I also remember very small, insignificant things about him, things I normally wouldn't remember of someone I didn't care about the same way. I think it's similar with men. Sometimes a man looks at me and smiles, but there's no interest. I think if a girl is interested, she'll put in some kind of effort. Same goes with men. It's not rocket science. 2
CptSaveAho Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Why is it that I'm the only one that thinks it is rude and awkward to come up to a women with such a pretense? Am I totally wrong in those regards? Women like men with confidence.... Does a guy who think it's rude or awkward to walk up and say hi and ask a girl for their number display confidence...
CrystalCastles Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Why is it that I'm the only one that thinks it is rude and awkward to come up to a women with such a pretense? Am I totally wrong in those regards? Nope, I agree with you as well. If a guy cold approached me and asked my number, I'd be like, who the hell are you? And reject him. I find it very intrusive when a guy does that. And it scares me away. 2
CptSaveAho Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Nope, I agree with you as well. If a guy cold approached me and asked my number, I'd be like, who the hell are you? And reject him. I find it very intrusive when a guy does that. And it scares me away. It's obvious you get approached by men all the time
MrCastle Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 In the initial stages it's hard to tell. I mean no woman is going to come and proposition you flat out. Also keep in mind they may be interested at one point and then lose interest for whatever reason. It's only in the getting to know you phase that this is an issue. You find out right away what the deal is (ask them on a date and see what they say, take note of how often you have to be the one to initiate convo, etc) Weed out the ones that don't give you the attention and interest you feel you want and focus on the rest. 1
Leigh 87 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I only make eye contact and keep it with men I am attracted to and who I would be open to approaching me. I look repeatedly at the guy if I notice he is looking at me too. I basically try to look really friendly and open, with occasional eye contact. umm.. Yeah. I just try to come across as really friendly and approachable However, I go one step further at times, if I feel a guy is really interested but has not been crave enough to walk up to me... I will go to the bar and get a drink alone, of if I see him get up and walk to the bar after making eye contact to me, I will follow in a way that is not stalker ish haha. I try to make it easy for a guy. Once I think they are attracted to me of course... Sometimes I just go talk to them... You know, strike up a basic conversation. But so it is not awkward if they turn out NOT to be interested!
Stefanie Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 (edited) It depends on the setting. If you're at a club or a bar, it's enough to get a few looks, smiles, and assume you can go say hi. If they're cold, that's their problem and they were just looking for attention and confidence-boosters. If they were honestly interested, they'd take a few more glances. Look for a little longer before you go say hi, just not in a creepy way. Smile. If she smiles back, it's a good sign. If you're in a public space where women don't expect an approach, do something along similar lines. See if they noticed you and look at you more than once. But instead of just saying hi, try asking a question or say something relevant to the situation (e.g. make a joke about the length of a queue you're waiting in or ask for advice/directions). Similarly to a lot of guys, women will subconsciously get closer in proximity to someone they're interested in. If you notice her moving closer to you in a setting, then she might be trying to get your attention or encourage you to approach her. At the club, I would try put myself in a position on the dance floor where the guy could notice and approach me. Unfortunately, I think women just expect guys to come give it a go, rather than wait for them to show their interest. If the girl's not that confident, her signs might not be obvious enough and the opportunity's gone. I suppose it's expected that the guy just 'man's up' and risks rejection. Edited August 19, 2013 by Stefanie 1
Leigh 87 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 A little something about girls acting interested when they aren't.... I can be too nice. When I was with my ex, guys would come onto me and I realised it was because I was way too friendly to people. I did not tone it back with men who were attracted to me. They later asked me why I was being " so nice" if I was not interested? I do not want to lead guys on, so.... unless I am interested, I tone down my friendly nature. I do not stick around and talk to a guy if I am not interested, but I am not rude either.
Joaquin Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 One sign is that she positions herself near to u so that it becomes easy for u to say hi. Another sign is that after youve said hi she makes plenty of effort to keep it going and doesnt slink away. She is basically glued to u for the night until u get her number or she gets whatever she wants. but yes it is hit and miss. U cant get every girl u try to talk to. That would be boring. 1
Author kaylan Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Why are you looking for permission to talk to a girl... Grow some balls... and stop looking for permission (iois) to say hi and ask a girl for their number Troll elsewhere. Clearly you had trouble understanding the purpose of the OP.
CptSaveAho Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Troll elsewhere. Clearly you had trouble understanding the purpose of the OP. There was no troll... you're just afraid of rejection...like most guys on this forum and seek approval from women (iois). Never works
Versacehottie Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 OP said: Ladies help. Because I would like to approach girls more often, and women who are actually into me Using the information of signs of interest that people said here, practice makes (close) to perfect. At least for the approach...what happens afterward is another story. If for some reason you have misread signs in the past (those sounded like clear signs of interest based on way you described), you may just need a bit more practice of reading those signs. If a girl holds eye contact longer than normal, that's a big one. Or plays with her hair. It's all body language. You can look up the signs of romantic interest on internet (if i was better at posting a link onto this site, I would do for you). Anyway, even when guys are getting those signs, it's a bit of a risk to take the next step and ask for a number/a date. But be thankful for it, it's what gives you a bit of a rush anyway. Risks are going to need to be taken and you will get more tuned-into which ones are likely to go your way and worth taking. If you are seeing the same signs that indicate interest, but then after a short conversation a girl doesn't want to give her phone number or say yes to a date, you could need to work on the kinds of things you are saying in that short time. (i don't think that's the case based on your post). I think, like most girls, I'm interested in a guy flirting with me firstly based on attraction. Secondly, in that first quick conversation, i'm still open unless you say something rude, ridiculous or a dealbreaker sort of thing. Oh and sometimes even when there's attraction & you didn't say anything bad, I'm really in a relationship or some sort of "it's complicated" thing, so I think better of giving out my number when I really shouldn't. Generally, I think people just need to get more comfortable taking risks and not taking it personally as well as learning from each experience to help future experiences. Good luck!
Imajerk17 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 (edited) Look I'm short and women during the day are too busy thinking about their own lives to notice a guy like me on their own. If I waited for a woman to show me the so-called signs of interest that some of you speak of, I'd be waiting a very very long time. And so I make my own luck and I cold-approach without these signals. And yes I have gotten plenty of dates and sex from it. Many women aren't going to be at all interested in you until you actually show that you have enough guts and interest to approach them. I have also gotten blown off a lot but who the hell cares? I didn't do anyone any harm and the women who blew me off weren't going to like me anyway. Edited August 19, 2013 by Imajerk17 3
Author kaylan Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 (edited) There was no troll... you're just afraid of rejection...like most guys on this forum and seek approval from women (iois). Never works You are a troll. Most people can see that from your usual responses. As if your username wasnt a telling sign in its own right. When it gets down to it, most people dont like every stranger walking up to them and getting in their personal space. Thats why indicators of interest are important, especially in a party, bar or club setting. Its not about being afraid of rejection. Its about maximizing my returns with the right women instead of cold approach spamming, which is desperate in its own right. Edited August 19, 2013 by kaylan
xxoo Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I think the key is to escalate in small ways, that increasingly move from casual/friendly to interested/assertive. If she keeps up with the escalation, that's a sign of interest. If she gives short answers, that's not. She should match you. 3
Phoe Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I am just generally friendly, warm, and open. I make eye contact, smile, say hello. I do this with everyone I come across. It's kind of like my mass open sign of "hey, anyone who'd like to come up to me and chat is welcome to come up to me, I'm happy!" Of course, it hasn't worked well for me, but it surely can't HURT. This might not be terribly helpful to you though, since you did say that when women smile and say hi that you've later been rejected. It may still just be a crapshoot
Skyraider829 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Why is it that I'm the only one that thinks it is rude and awkward to come up to a women with such a pretense? Am I totally wrong in those regards? Ha! You're not the only one who happens to think like that. It always strikes me as proper to know her first, get on a good basis with her and then ask for her number or Facebook profile. Not just waltz up and say "Hey random girl, what's up? Let me get your number and we'll hook up sometime." whilst running the frank possibility of her being totally put off by it. 1
Recommended Posts