mommydatestoo Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I am 30 years old, with a 2 year old daughter. Me and my daughters father arent together and havent been through most of my daughters life since she was born. He has had alot of growing up to do and we have had a lot of past issues. I spent along time chasing him and hurt, and wanted so badly for my family to work, especially for my daughter. It just never worked every time we tried or I pursued him. He is younger then me by 4 years so he is 26 and was 24 when we had out daughter. Well this past May after 2 years of being in Mommy mode I finally started getting out and met a man. Only thing is he is 43. At first I was very hesitant, but he pursued me and I finally gave in to going out with him. It did bother me alot at first. He is 43, was married for 15 years up until about 5 years ago. He has a son who is about 18 and he also has a 2 year old daughter just like me from a hookup and someone he was never with. His daughters mom has terrible issues, is young and VERY bad parent. He was recently awarded temporary full custody, as his daughters mom cant even keep a job and all kinds of crazy issues. good thing is she knows about me and doesnt cause any issues with me. He is a great guy and for these past 3.5 months has treated me better then anyone EVER has. He says he sees me in his future. The problem is, with him having a 2 year old too it seems great as she plays with my daughter..but I always told myself I ALSO wanted more kids. And I realize he is 43 and doesnt have a whole lot of time to have them. I also find myself not quite ready to be a step mom. HE GETS NO HELP from his daughters mom, and I feel he is looking for a mother figure for his daughter. He also is strained financially because of it. He is a great dad though..but I am a new mom myself and ONE child is hard enough. I am 30, he is 43. I realize its not a 20 year difference..and most of the time I dont even think about it. But sometimes when I think about the future I do. Will I still be atttracted to him when I am 35 and he is almost 50? what if I want 1 or 2 more kids? Even the thought of gray hair bothers me and he has a few and it scares me. I keep going in and out of the uncertainty stage. Sometimes I see him as marriage potential, and sometimes I freak out and am not sure. My daughters dad has also recently come back in the picture wanting his family and a shot at us again. It is so confusing. I dont know what to do. Should I keep on with the guy I am dating? Should I give my family another shot? I feel like me dating this new guy kind of helped me move on from my daughters dad, but I feel like do I owe it to my daughter to try?? He said he will fight to prove he has changed. I am TORN between what to do. I like this guy but not sure about the future..If I give my daughters dad a shot then it fails I would hate to lose him. but then again I am not sure if long term with the 43 year old is what I want anyway..HELP!
FitChick Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Your daughter won't care which man is her father as long as he shows her love and affection. Does her bio dad pay child support? Does he owe back child support. That will determine whether or not he has changed. If he is still a deadbeat and you take him back, it shows that YOU haven't changed. 1
Author mommydatestoo Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 WAIT WAIT..her dad has ALWAYS been a good father From day one! We just havent been together. But he has always been in her life, sees her, and has paid child support without fail from day one EVERY MONTH. He is a great dad. I didnt mean to make it seem like he wasnt.
Author mommydatestoo Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 I told him that I wasnt giving in like that. I told her dad that. I told him it would never happen overnight and I dont even know what I want. He keeps pursuing me and said he understands and is going to go above and beyond to prove he is a better man. I dont even really respond.
Author mommydatestoo Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 As for the new guy..am I wrong to worry? Even before my daughters dad came around I always wondered will his age bother me later on? I still feel young and have so much time to have more kids. I wonder if when I am 35 and he is almost 50..will I want a younger guy? Gray hairs freak me out and he has a couple and I dont like it. Sounds stupid I know...but also his daughters mom is so unfit and is NO HELP. He struggles financially because of it. they are going through custody issue in court right now. He also has had this lady harassing me he used to date that he never even met online. Long story. He is a great guy but I have been through alot just in the first 3 months of dating him. He has always been honest though. Sometimes I just wonder if I want more kids later if he will financially able to provide, etc. Between all this and the age thing I guess sometimes thats why I freak out. He is a good guy though and treats me like a queen. He moved a bit fast though early on and I had to tell him to slow down a bit.
Author mommydatestoo Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Your daughter won't care which man is her father as long as he shows her love and affection. Does her bio dad pay child support? Does he owe back child support. That will determine whether or not he has changed. If he is still a deadbeat and you take him back, it shows that YOU haven't changed. He has NEVER been a deadbeat. Always been a great child support paying dad regardless of "US".
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