Boyfriend is a transvestite, craigslist, etc.

[bluecat23]

Hi, first post. I really just signed up because I don't know what to do about this, I'm sorry if it seems rude.

 

I've been with my boyfriend for over six years. Recently he began sitting around the house wearing my scarfs like a skirt and at first I thought nothing of it, it's just him being lazy and he said it was comfortable so okay. But then he came home with an actual skirt and started wearing that around the house.

 

Shortly after, I discovered he has been posting ads on craigslist trying to meet men who will have sex with him dressed as a woman. I confronted him and he said it was just a joke, to see what responses he would get. Hard to believe since the ads spanned over three years. However, I don't believe he ever actually met up with anyone, I'm pretty certain he hasn't cheated.

 

So I might have believed him except he used my laptop and I saw transvestite-related porn in the history. Aside from that, he always seems to bring up strange gender-related things in conversation.

 

He doesn't know I've seen the internet history but when he bought the skirt I asked him if there was anything more to it, and he claimed there was nothing sexual about it. So now I don't know what to do. I'm 99% certain that he's into this stuff and unfortunately it's a real turn-off for me since I really want a masculine/dominant man. I've been with him for six years so we're incredibly in love with one another, but now I'm afraid that we're not sexually compatible. I know that this interest of his won't just go away and I have thoughts of leaving him, which is incredibly hard because I feel like we are meant to be together and he means the world to me.

 

It's incredibly difficult. I feel bad about it but I don't know if I can accept this, mostly because my sexual preferences are so completely the opposite. This one thing doesn't feel like enough of a reason to leave him, but I know that neither of us will ever be completely satisfied. I am at a loss, what can I do?

[bluecat23]

I'm female, not sure if that changes anything though?

[Balzac]

Transvestism is what it is. It's not transgender and it's not seeking gay sex outside of your exclusive relationship. Now he may be having other sexual identity issues but why not discuss it w you?

 

Absent the transvestite acting out w clothing, would you be upset by him cruising for same sex hookups online? Porn is a different matter in my judgement.

 

Lots of communication problems after so long a relationship.

[bluecat23]

About the hookups - I don't believe he intended to actually meet anyone, I think it was just 'for kicks' if you know what I mean. We live together so I know he hasn't been sneaking off anywhere. I can't be 100% certain, of course...

Edited August 19, 2013 by bluecat23

[Balzac]

This "new" behavior demands open communication. At the very least, you need to fully understand what he's dealing with. I'm not saying he was or wasn't intending to meet up. That's kinda your call.

 

You're here and you've got questions. Ask away.

[bluecat23]

Well, I don't mind if he's bisexual. I'm bisexual but I still want my man to be a man! He's definitely not gay since there was 'normal' porn in there too lol.

 

However, I will definitely ask him about it once again. I have tried to talk to him about it maybe three-four times but he always denies it. I will try again tomorrow. But really, I already know the answer, it's just that I don't know if I can accept it.

Edited August 19, 2013 by bluecat23

[Balzac]

I am doubtful that his fetish or inclinations are new, he's just more in the open with you. If he himself is confused or in discovery, I'd think individual counseling is in order. Not to "cure" or "fix" him but to support him as he takrs his journey. Clearly it's best for both of you to end your relationship BEFORE cheating begins. That desire may be mitigated by opening up communication.