MadeFromSlumber Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 (edited) I met this girl about 2 years ago. I was really interested in her, but I had a tough time because I was really fearful of falling in love. But I did find her really captivating. She was trying really hard to pursue me constantly, and maybe thats why it detured me. We have always been on great terms, and hardly ever argued, perhaps we got really comfortable with each other. Flash forward, I realized that I loved her only because someone else is getting in the picture. I thought about it alot, maybe I did love her because someone else is taking her away, because I admit I took her for granted and we never were official. I truly do love her though, I can feel it, its a raw powerful feeling that even overrides my family. Anyways, because of this, she ended up quickly going with this fellow, and now I'm left alone. Although you would think it would the whole "lets not talk anymore" or "lets be friends" it didn't turn out that way. She continued wanting to talk to me and wanting me to be in her life. She told me we're best friends, but when I say it to her she gets offended. She says I'm the love of her life, I'm her other half, she refuses to friend zone me, she gets jealous of other girls even though I don't pursue them, and she would never love him as much as she loves me, and that if it was meant to be then she would return to me. I know, people are saying leave her, but I always felt my case is different, because she never wanted to let me go, and we were never officially together. They've been "together" for a good month or so, i quote that because she always tells me all the bad stuff he screws up on. She also states that she doesn't love him yet, even though they're considered boyfriend and girlfriend. Also, they work together, and see each other almost everyday. I took in account that they're conveniently closer, but I feel love should know no distance. She said distance wasn't the issue either. And when I asked her why, she told me "she didn't want to hurt his feelings". I'm a straight forward guy, and finally know what I want. I accept that I screwed up, but its so ironic that the tables have turned. But for some reason, she won't let me go, even when I attempted NC, i couldn't bare it, she ended up talking to me on day 2. I truly feel that she is the one. And with all this stuff happening, I will go out my way to say we're destined for each other. Anyways, we're still on good terms, just her confessions doesn't match her actions. She always refuses to let me go. She always cries when I hug her. She always asks me if I'm mad at her or if I still love her. She still has me on her facebook pic and she told me her password is when we met and my name. What do you guys think I should do? Thank you. Edited August 19, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
flitzanu Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 (edited) i'm guessing both of you are under 20 years old? Edited August 19, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
flitzanu Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 well, you can believe she's your destiny...but if she doesn't feel the same way then it's irrelevant. she's obviously dating this other guy and she isn't dumping him to be with you, so you should stop misinterpreting her girl talk about how she loves you and how you're so important. if you've made it clear that you want a romantic relationship with her and she has turned you down, then all you can do is accept it.
Author MadeFromSlumber Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 How do I know if she doesn't feel the same way? Can I help it if her "girl talk" and expressions says otherwise? It also seems like this is a level one issue with you, since you think age was relevant. It is our first love too, so I'm trying to get through this positively and not try to dread. I just feel like i need answers. And I don't know how to get it across her, to discuss this with maturity.
flitzanu Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 How do I know if she doesn't feel the same way? Can I help it if her "girl talk" and expressions says otherwise? It also seems like this is a level one issue with you, since you think age was relevant. It is our first love too, so I'm trying to get through this positively and not try to dread. I just feel like i need answers. And I don't know how to get it across her, to discuss this with maturity. well, i asked about the age thing because the things you said sound teenager-highschool-inlove-ish. so i figured you were likely in high school. but, first tip when being platonic friends with a girl...her words aren't that important. her actions though, ARE important. and also, you should stop trying to make it difficult. all you have to do is tell her how you feel and tell her you want a romantic relationship with her, and if she wants a romantic relationship with you. if her answer is anything other than "yes" then it's "no".
Author MadeFromSlumber Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 I managed to talk to her. I told her I wanted a romantic relationship, but still chose him. I asked her to be open about her feelings and she says that she still loves me romantically, but is in a relationship with him.
flitzanu Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I managed to talk to her. I told her I wanted a romantic relationship, but still chose him. I asked her to be open about her feelings and she says that she still loves me romantically, but is in a relationship with him. sadly there's your answer. now if you respect her and anything between the two of you, you should let her have her relationship with this new boyfriend and don't keep pushing her, because it's only going to make her resent you. 1
Author MadeFromSlumber Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Its hard to let things go. Is it bad that she still wants me in her life? Is it bad that I'm still sticking around? How can someone say that they love the both of us romantically, yet rejects me, and accepts him, and still wants me in her life?
lovesucks76 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Because she's trying to let you down easy....she's not into you anymore. I know from experience. It sucks balls!! YOU need to let her go and have some pride now. It's very hard, I know that too but she made it clear so you need to walk away and respect her wishes.
Author MadeFromSlumber Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 She lets me down easy by saying I'm the love of her life even though shes with another? Doesn't that just add mass confusion for all those involved? I have no choice to respect her wishes, but isn't leaving that much harder too?
lovesucks76 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Dude, she's being nice to you but she's making it confusing too. She's spending time with someone else, right? Why wouldn't you want to spend your time with the love of your life instead?
Author MadeFromSlumber Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Why is she even bothering to make it confusing? Why can't she just make it straight forward? I honestly don't look at any one else, is it naive of me to hold on?
lovesucks76 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Yes! I think so unfortunately. The only chance/hope you have to get her back is by letting her go. if you're the right guy for her she'll soon realize, otherwise let her go.
OzHeartache Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Why is she even bothering to make it confusing? Why can't she just make it straight forward? I honestly don't look at any one else, is it naive of me to hold on? Mate, we can tell your hurting but if you look at it rationally, What the lovesucks and Fitzanu are saying is the fact she is seeing someone else should clear any confusion..... You deserve better and yes your hurting and don't want to loose her.... unfortunately you already have......... Sucks dogs balls I know (Ive suffered it twice in 6 months through no fault of my own), but it happens to the best of us, Just need to look after yourself and eventually you will get up, dust yourself off and move onto someone that will commit to you 1
Author MadeFromSlumber Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Can i still look after myself but not let go? Can i still pursue other people but not let her go? Is that humanly possible?
lovesucks76 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Seriously?? You're not thinking straight. Just remember. She has a new guy!! You can try to get the answer you want here but the sad truth is right in front of you....open your eyes and look at it. She has a new dude and not you. Sorry man but I'm just trying to make you see the obvious. You just need to let her go. Hope is just that, HOPE! Often its just hopeless to hope! 2
Author MadeFromSlumber Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 So words she says is meaningless because there's no action on her end. Being friends with her will just hurt me. She has someone despite everything she once said and done for me. Hope is meaningless because it just won't happen. 1
flitzanu Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 So words she says is meaningless because there's no action on her end. Being friends with her will just hurt me. She has someone despite everything she once said and done for me. Hope is meaningless because it just won't happen. now you're getting it. talk is cheap. I've been where you are with the "omg I've never loved someone like you" and "i can't be with you RIGHT NOW". know how it turned out now 8 years later? still friendzone. if she wanted to be with you now, she would be. actions speak louder than words. save some heartache and don't be a puppy like i was, waiting patiently in a line that never ended up with me at the front. 1
Recommended Posts