lc843nz Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 I've been dating a guy for about a year now. I love him a lot but when I told him so for the first time just a few days ago - he said "thank you". I asked him to explain what he meant by that - since I did just profess my love for him - it wasn't really a "thank you" kind of thing. He said he didn't know how he felt about me. Of course - I pushed for further explaination since we have been together for a year - and of course, I was crying by now. I was trying not to freak out on him but I was and am very upset about the whole thing. It took me so long to tell him how I felt because I wanted to be 100% sure he was going to say it back. Anyway - he said there are times when he loves me a lot and times when he's not sure. His last girlfriend - who broke up with him a year and a half before we even started dating - broke his heart. Yeah, she did kind of rip it out of his chest and stomp on it for a good long while... I know it was a terrible break up. I got divorced about the same time he broke up with his girlfriend so I definitely know about relationship pain. He did start crying and said he didn't want to hurt my feelings but he couldn't say something he didn't mean. He also said he was broken - kept saying it over and over again. He also said something to the effect of he was not looking for love but I made it into his world and he's glad I'm there. We spend every weekend together and we see each other a couple of times a week too. We're very comfortable with each other. In fact, just a couple of months ago he said this was the most comfortable relationship he's ever been in. I'm so upset by this whole thing. I love him but am I really suppose to stay with someone who doesn't love me back?
GiveAndTake Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 After a year, it's unusual to not tell each other 'I love you'. It does sound as though he's broken. What I would do is say, "I want you to know that I love you and I understand that you are broken, but are you still hung up on 'her' or are you just untrusting?" It sounds like he's pretty honest so if he is hung up on 'her', you need to tell him to call you when he's 'fixed'. If he's just broken and cannot love right now, then give him a little more time. You telling him that you love him might make him trust again, thus.....'fix' the broken parts. But, not more than another 6 months I'd say.
alicia24 Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 Hi, I was in a very similar situation. His ex effed him up so bad that he once told me he thought he could never love again. It was a little discouraging in the beginning, but neither one of us wanted anything real serious so we continued to see each. I eventually fell in love with him and told him. he told me he wasnt quite there yet and i respected him for being honest. eventually things developed even more and to my utter surprise he totally caught me off guard and told me that he loved me and it has just been a really great relationship.
Author lc843nz Posted November 9, 2004 Author Posted November 9, 2004 It just stinks because I never saw it coming! I never would have even said it had I known! I know he's not hung up on her. I'm sure he's untrusting of people. He's like that with a lot of people. But of course, I also thought he'd say it back so maybe I don' t know - maybe he is still hung up on her. I guess only time will tell.
alicia24 Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 dont ever keep your feelings to yourself. I f you love him, then tell him. If you think he still hung up on the ex, tell him.
paradissa1 Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 i never said i loved my hubby back til three months later(once bit twice shy)after the first time i heard it.saying it makes something come real. give him a bit of time to sort out things .my hubby hung in there now it been almost ten years since he said it.good luck i hope everything turns out.
Author lc843nz Posted November 9, 2004 Author Posted November 9, 2004 Yeah, I'll definitely give him more time... I do love him after all.
sundrop Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 Ok, I am in the same boat. How long is to long to wait? My current boyfriend is divorced, he says he doesn't know if he know what love is, since his ex wife ripped and shreeded his heart. How long is to long to wait? I would love to hear him say I love you back, but how long is to long to wait?
sad123 Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 I am in a similar situation, however, I broke up with him because I had my own insecurities seeing as though I have no experience with men (I wish I knew of you guys earlier). BIG MISTAKE. Since you love him, stand by him and don't let go. I still talk to my ex and it's been 9 months since we have broken up. I love him and I haven't ever told him...but I will continue to be there for him. I regret not telling him that I love him eventhough he may not feel the same way about me.
Author lc843nz Posted November 15, 2004 Author Posted November 15, 2004 Sundrop - How long has your boyfriend been divorced? I'm divorced as well and it takes some time. But my divorce was as friendly as they get. How long have you been together?
sundrop Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 he has been divorced for over four years now and we have been dating for a little over two years. Hope you have a good Holiday.
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