ls32ssibm Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Ladies, do a lot of men do this to you? You'll be chatting/messaging with them for a notable amount of time. Sometimes it's 15 minutes, sometimes it's hour and sometimes it's even days. Then they'll just for no reason stop responding. Move on. Game over. And it's not like you said something offensive or creepy or anything like that, it's just like they get bored with you or lose interest. If I had to guess, they found something else they are more interested in and just decided to stop wasting time with you (<---Most plausible scenario IMO), which is also one of the biggest downfalls of OLD; people are as replaceable and interchangeable as a pair of AA Batteries. What do you guys think?
365daysgone Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I would never do this. Probably because my social circle is so limited. I find people with large amounts of contacts or even a few friends will be the obes to do this. I would never do this though. It's not very kind.
Star Gazer Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 This has happened to me plenty of times. It's not gender specific.
smile1983 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I have had this happen. Guess it is getting bored or finding something else. Or sometimes it may be that they just ran out of interesting things to write about.
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I've had women stop responding to my messages all the time. I've had some delete their profiles after speaking with me. I figure it must have been something I said that drove them away...
phineas Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 This is why I will not waste my time on a woman who does not want to give me her number relatively quickly. because she will find a new shiny object to catch her attention. This is also why I don't have much hope when a meet is scheduled more than a few days in advance. They always flake because someone "better" caught their eye.
pyramid Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 This is why I will not waste my time on a woman who does not want to give me her number relatively quickly. This is a good point. OP, are you asking to exchange numbers or make plans? I get frustrated when a guy just wants to chat endlessly with no attempt to meet me. 2
FitChick Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I stopped responding to a guy who seemed to want to send endless emails, no phone calls, and they weren't even interesting, funny or informative. He wasn't that attractive but thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. The last straw was him saying all those adorable animal videos on youtube exploited animals! He must be crazy! 1
happykat Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 OP, are you asking to exchange numbers or make plans? I get frustrated when a guy just wants to chat endlessly with no attempt to meet me. Agreed.. My interest peters out if a man doesn't ask me out/ask for my number after more that a few days of exchanging messages. Meanwhile another more aggressive (therefore more attractive) has already gotten my number, know what I mean?.. I felt WAY different when I was new to OLD - the first man that caught my attention after my separation had to exchange emails with me for a month before I met him for coffee, I was scared.. Now it ain't no thing
Clockwork Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 It is ironic, we have the best forms of communication that we've ever had and yet our social skills are worse than ever, and that includes how to talk online. You know, I talk online the same way I do in person. Maybe that's weird to people, but I treat it as if that person is in the room. Nothing drives me more nuts than sending someone a private message on facebook with a question at the end of it hoping for a response and not getting it back.............BUT seeing them update their status time and time again so you know they saw it. 1
TB Rhine Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I will sometimes quit talking to a girl if I decide, for whatever reason, that the situation just isn't going to work out; maybe she lives too far away, she's too old (or too young), we're not very compatible, she's out of my league, etc. It's like a lightbulb goes on in my head and I'm suddenly like, who am I kidding? Case in point: a woman in Oregon was chatting me up recently on a TV show forum I frequent. I was considering going to grad school in Oregon at that time, so I talked to her on the basis that I might end up moving out there in a year or two. When I realized the schools I was looking at in that area were not really a good fit for what I was looking for, I cut things off. I'm a little mercenary about stuff like that, I guess; I like taking part in discussions on forums, but I'm not really interested in establishing a back and forth with a particular person, unless there's some chance of moving the friendship, relationship, or whatever into the real world at some point. If that potential isn't there, I just don't really see the point of investing in things.
Mr_Flay Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 It's not the end of the world when that happens, but what irks me is when that happens too often. You meet new people online and get the same vanishing treatment over and over again. And then you look back and realise you're stuck in some kind of an introductory phase. Always the same conversations with different people, talk about school, jobs, hobbies, other interests, but never progressing to a deeper level because of the other person vanishing. Or you get to a deeper, more emotional level, but the person still vanishes. And then you send a message to a new person and start the process all over again. In the end it becomes a really tedious job, unlike the fun activity it was at the beginning. 2
Mascara Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I've had guys vanish on me on OLD, most often when I've been the one to approach first (as mentioned in another thread). I think they respond because they're not used to it, but then fade out because they don't know how else to say "not interested". I've also done the fading, but not because I wasn't interested - I only get into conversations with guys I'm interested in - but because as mentioned above, they're not getting any closer to wanting to meet up. The other main reason is that they can't hold a conversation. Example - last guy I stopped responding to, he always replied really quickly and kept looking at my profile. But he only sent short sentence replies and no questions. There was nothing chatty about hs replies, it was like trying to make conversation with a rock. So I got bored and gave up.
Sweetgirl28 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I joined a dating website for the first time back in May. I've been chatting with many guys but I'm honestly very disappointed with the men on there. The few ones that have a college degree (this is really one of my basic requirements!) seem to be creepy or weird. Case in point: I was chatting with this guy who lives about 40 miles away every day for a couple of weeks. He seemed eccentric but intriguing. Then at some point he started to discuss "freedom" in a relationship and how he likes to do everything with his partner. I said I wasn't up for that because I like to maintain my own space, i.e. hanging out with my friends when I feel like it, taking trips with my brother etc. He simply went cold on me and deleted his profile about one week later. At the moment, I'm chatting with a guy I'm interested in but he hasn't asked for my phone number although we've been talking for 2 months now. I also saw his profile on a different dating site so I'm about to break off all communication.
TB Rhine Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 The key with online dating is to bring the interaction into the real world as soon as possible. If someone doesn't try to set up a coffee date within a week or so of talking to you, drop 'em; if you've been talking to someone for two weeks or more, you suggest a meeting, and they balk or say they "need more time," drop 'em. These are people who are just playing at the idea of meeting someone; they're not really ready to take the plunge. I also have a suspicion that OkCupid is becoming sort of the Facebook of online dating... it's just something everybody has, whether they're seriously in the market for a partner (or seriously comfortable with the idea of meeting someone from online) or not. So don't assume that having an OkC profile equals any sort of serious commitment to the idea of meeting someone.
mario_C Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I don't know what to tell ya! If they don't excuse themselves politely, as in "I'm sorry, I gotta work early tomorrow. When can we talk more?" it's just him not feeling right about the direction the conversation is going, not feeling you'll be a great mate for him, you know the drill. Don't take it personally, just go talk to the next guy.
crederer Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I've never been a fan of OLD for a variety of reasons. This being one of them.
phineas Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I've also strangely had women not respond then a month later contact me out of the blue acting like they didn't blow me off. Then still expect me to chase them? Sorry, we all know what happened, you found someone you liked better & i'm now your back-up. If they think i'm going to put work in again they are so wrong. I love it when I ask for the number, they bail, then come back & expect me to ask for their number again. No thanks. I only ask once when it comes to women.
Keenly Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I do this when its pretty clear they aren't even trying . When I get a message that I have absolutely no way to respond to! Like if I ask if they like their job and the only response I get back is a " yeah its okay". I hate getting messages that are like three words long. I'll always stop responding . If she wants to continue the conversation I'll keep going, but I won't talk to a brick wall.
phineas Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I do this when its pretty clear they aren't even trying . When I get a message that I have absolutely no way to respond to! Like if I ask if they like their job and the only response I get back is a " yeah its okay". I hate getting messages that are like three words long. I'll always stop responding . If she wants to continue the conversation I'll keep going, but I won't talk to a brick wall. This also. WTF? Why are they even responding if you aren't interested? Unless they really are that socially inept or boring?
TB Rhine Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 They think they're entitled to the attention, and to have the guy do all the work. I really believe that women (at least women below a certain age) in our society are completely unaccustomed to the idea that they need to bring anything to the table, so to speak, in a dating or courtship situation, beyond showing up, looking good, and allowing a man the privilege of their company.
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