kazuma Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 (edited) Greetings LS, I'm here asking for advice/insight/tips. Here goes... Story: So I train in martial arts at a University; obviously, everyone there is quite young (I'm 30) but I'm there to continue my training (I have 4+ years under my belt) and NOT for picking up women (I barely even socialize there). However, I recently met this female there who is 23 and is also quite attractive. She found out I do archery and asked me to teach her. We talked and get to know each other a little because of this topic. This was over a weeks time (I see her there 2-3 times a week) and just this Saturday at 9am, we hung out for the first time. I drove her to an archery shop that was an hour away from her place and then to the local range to shoot my bow. The long drive allowed us to connect and talk about oursevles, etc. She said she had a great time and really enjoyed archery, which I am happy to hear and I responded that I did as well. We also went to get lunch that day through her insisting, and so we had a friendly lunch, talked a bit and then left. While driving her back home, which is 30 mins away from where I live), I asked her what she's doing the rest of the day just to start conversation and after telling me, she asked me. I told her I was going to an event, which is 1 hr 30mins from where she lives. Thing is, she asked if I was going by myself and I said "yeah," so she says I shouldn't go there alone just for this event and she slyly mentioned that she would join me . And of course, I ask her if she'd like to join me and she accepted. By now half the day is already gone because it's about 3:00pm when we leave from her place. Again, we were able to talk during the whole drive and this is when I notice I started to really like her as a person and started becoming romantically interested in her. This event is a huge food event so we walked and chatted up and down all the isles to look at the various different foods we that were offered. This went on for about 2 hours and I started to noticed I'm really interested in her romantically while we were walking around and chatting. When the event was over and we proceed to head home with another 1 hr 15 min drive, we yet again were able to chat the whole time. When I dropped her off around 9pm and then I drove home, I followed up to tell her I had a great time and she told me she had fun and to let her know the next time I go do archery. We both definitely had a great time together and to put it short, she's definitely my type and I am falling for her, and fast. Dilemma: From what I gather seems to be single (never talked about a bf or hanging out excessively with a guy, no picture on her phone -- albeit it was a new phone -- and she even spent the whole Saturday with me) and I have no idea if she is just being friendly or if she's interested. As a note, I did NOT flirt, make any moves on her all day and none of us spoke of past relationships (she didn't flirt either but I can already tell she's the shy type, just like I am). My dilemma also comes from the fact that I'm 7 years older, which means I have no idea if I can flirt or if I can become closer to her without her thinking I'm creepy. I also don't know if she is interested in me due to the age gap or if she may feel that I'm not interested in her due to the same reason....This is just too complicated for me to grasp and I do not want to lose this great, budding friendship and I do not wish to lose her as a potential partner (which happened to me a few years ago and I do not wish to repeat such an event). I would really like some insight/advice/help on my situation. I have contemplated bringing up the matter and just asking bluntly if there is anything between us so that I know where we stand. I have also contemplated letting things continue to see where it ends up but I fear I may fall too hard for her and end up hurting myself in the long run. Edit: I forgot to mention that she just graduated with her degree and I'm working full-time. Edited August 18, 2013 by kazuma
Author kazuma Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Please, any comment is much appreciated
Avulare Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Ask her if she wants to grab a beer with you sometime?
Author kazuma Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Ask her if she wants to grab a beer with you sometime? Lol, funny enough, she doesn't drink and neither do I. I'm guessing you're trying to say I should just ask her on some kind of date and be explicit about it being a date?
Author kazuma Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 Man, I guess this isn't interesting at all? update: I asked her to watch a movie with me and she accepted. we had a good time but it was never on a pretense of a date so I'm still unsure...I did, however, say that I really wanted to watch the movie with her. I'm seeing her again for archery and at this time I think I will give her more signs that I'm interested in order to not get friend-zoned. I don't want to rush things so I'm not going to be explicit. Am I going about it the right way?
NateC Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Man, I guess this isn't interesting at all? update: I asked her to watch a movie with me and she accepted. we had a good time but it was never on a pretense of a date so I'm still unsure...I did, however, say that I really wanted to watch the movie with her. I'm seeing her again for archery and at this time I think I will give her more signs that I'm interested in order to not get friend-zoned. I don't want to rush things so I'm not going to be explicit. Am I going about it the right way? Yes, don't force it either way. As in, don't force yourself to *do* things, but also don't refrain from doing something (like flirting). Most good relationships begin as friends and chemistry does the rest. If it comes naturally, things will flow and your questions will be answered. 2
belocchoc129 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Speaking from my perspective, I wouldn't agree to go watch a movie with a guy whom I'm not interested in getting to know. From what you're saying in your post, there's positive signs that she is interested. I'm also the shy type. I like to take it slow and become friends with the person first. But if I don't see anything in the person that gauges my interest, I wouldn't proceed to hang out with them. So yeah I agree with the previous post don't force yourself to do things or don't refrain from doing something that you really want to. Go with the flow, if it works out, you'll have your answer. 3
todreaminblue Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Speaking from my perspective, I wouldn't agree to go watch a movie with a guy whom I'm not interested in getting to know. From what you're saying in your post, there's positive signs that she is interested. I'm also the shy type. I like to take it slow and become friends with the person first. But if I don't see anything in the person that gauges my interest, I wouldn't proceed to hang out with them. So yeah I agree with the previous post don't force yourself to do things or don't refrain from doing something that you really want to. Go with the flow, if it works out, you'll have your answer. totally agree on the movie thing...if i wasnt interested in a guy, sitting next to him in a dark movie theatre would be close to never happening......actually wouldnt happen ..never been to a movie with a guy i dont like....deb
Lansing Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Umm... She could like you as a "friend" as you are bringing her to places that are interesting/exciting/etc. A girl could just think it is "friendly" and that is why she is going to the movie with you. I guess she might get hints that you are interested if you paid for her movie/etc. Who paid for lunch? Are you guys splitting everything? I would start flirting with her more and more, as others said don't force it but just maybe a bit more touching here and there (guiding her around, etc) or maybe grab her hand in a crowded spot so she doesn't get lost. I wouldn't worry about the age thing that much. 30 year old is prime for a lot of guys and she might be really into your look. A lot of girls date older guys. I can understand why you are hesitant because you feel like you have a connection with her and don't want to "ruin" it. I say just keep hanging out and having fun.
Author kazuma Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 Thank you for the replies. It turns out she's an introvert like I am as well. I'm really starting to like her a lot so hopefully I'll just be able continue along and see how things go, lol
belocchoc129 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Sounds good to me. Keep updating us and I hope it'll work out for you. Personally I'd like it when the guy is friendly and not too touchy at first. That just shows respect and a true gentleman will always touch my heart . Some of the guys that I went out with basically creeped me out when they already talked or 'hinted' too much about how well they did in bed. So I guess it depends on the type of person too. 1
Author kazuma Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Umm... She could like you as a "friend" as you are bringing her to places that are interesting/exciting/etc. A girl could just think it is "friendly" anderr that is why she is going to the movie with you. I guess she might get hints that you are interested if you paid for her movie/etc. Who paid for lunch? Are you guys splitting everything? I paid for both lunch and the movie tickets. I drive 20+ miles one way (30 mins) everytime I go see her for archery and then take her back so I think that's already a huge sign that I'm interested in her. Not many people will do that at least every week for just a friend. I'm big on respecting the other party and getting to know them well, hence why I've been single for so long -- people just don't go about "dating" the same way as I do.
NateC Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I paid for both lunch and the movie tickets. I drive 20+ miles one way (30 mins) everytime I go see her for archery and then take her back so I think that's already a huge sign that I'm interested in her. Not many people will do that at least every week for just a friend. I'm big on respecting the other party and getting to know them well, hence why I've been single for so long -- people just don't go about "dating" the same way as I do. I'm actually in a quite similar boat as you. I'm an introvert and she somewhat is as well...and having been recently been out of a relationship about a year ago she's still quite guarded from it. Early on she ended up friendzoning me (as you can probably see by my threads). I almost gave up...but something told me not to. Instead, I kept being there for her and I started being a bit more "touchy" in a playful way. It's been 9 months since we met and we hold hands or walk arm-in-arm with each other. Sometimes it takes a while for the warm-up, but it's so worth it. 1
belocchoc129 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I'm big on respecting the other party and getting to know them well, hence why I've been single for so long -- people just don't go about "dating" the same way as I do. I actually do 'dating' the same way so don't worry, we're in similar boat. I'm also 23, and I also like an older guy (like 10 years older, ). Your situation somewhat struck me in the sense that it's so similar. Just that me and this guy can't freely express our feelings since we've worked together and it's a professional setting.
Author kazuma Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 So I messaged a mutual friend of ours who is close to her regarding her availability. It turns out she's single but not looking for a relationship as of yet because she wants to figure out what she wants in life first. We both agree she's a great person and I realize she's that one of a kind woman I've been looking for -- it doesn't hurt that she's quite a looker as well (dat smile). I'm going to continue as is, be there for her and show her that I care about her. We'll see how things develop as time goes on. Mutual friend is going to invite me to hangout with them more often so that I can build something with her . in other words, I have her close friends support After our first hangout I noticed she has been waiting for me after practice so that we can walk out together, even when everyone else has already left, and of course, I do the same. I just hope it's not the friend zone but rather keeping me close until she's ready...
Woop1337 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 So I messaged a mutual friend of ours who is close to her regarding her availability. It turns out she's single but not looking for a relationship as of yet because she wants to figure out what she wants in life first. We both agree she's a great person and I realize she's that one of a kind woman I've been looking for -- it doesn't hurt that she's quite a looker as well (dat smile). I'm going to continue as is, be there for her and show her that I care about her. We'll see how things develop as time goes on. Mutual friend is going to invite me to hangout with them more often so that I can build something with her . in other words, I have her close friends support After our first hangout I noticed she has been waiting for me after practice so that we can walk out together, even when everyone else has already left, and of course, I do the same. I just hope it's not the friend zone but rather keeping me close until she's ready... You should've asked her on a date already, not just a hangout. If you did, you would've killed two birds with one stone. You would've known, if she liked you and you would've non verbally told her that you like her more than as friends. But since you didn't, your in this ambiguous situation. Friends hang out dude. Friends watch movies. The age gap? Don't sweat it. You shouldn't have asked your mutual friend about the woman you liked. Because, for sure they talked about you. Also pay attention, because she told your mutual friend that she's not looking for a relationship. Why would she say that? Next time, plan a date, don't hang out with mutual friends. One on one is the way to go. Ask her out. If she say anything other than a yes, then she doesn't like you.
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