cici713 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 So I'm pretty new to OLD. Only have been on a handful of dates. My profile is still active but I haven't met except one who I have been out with a few times. I'm still on the fence because I'm not sure if he is interested. We had tentative plans to go out tonight. I called and he said tonight wouldn't be good after all because he had a work issue he needed to fix. He said he would get in touch with me sometime this week to set something up. Even though we've been going on dates for about a month now, nothing is exclusive. I still have an active profile. I was on and just searching, and it said he was on too. It's not that he is still on the website but he made it seem he was overwhelmed and busy with work. I'm starting to feel like he isn't quite interested. If you're so busy working on work stuff how do you have the time to look at profiles? Am I overthinking this and wait to see if he makes plans?
white Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Well I'm no expert, being new to OLD myself except not having even had any responses let alone dates, but seems to me you can get notified of a message, log on and respond to it pretty easily at work, and he's not doing anything wrong doing so. I'm pretty sure he didn't lie he was busy just so he could schedule a night in on the dating site.
Leigh 87 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 A guy knows by a month of dates, whether or not he is crazy about you. This guy is just not that into you, because if he was, he would call and text once a day and arrange regular dates with you, without cancelling. There are very few exceptions. Men who really like a women know early on, within a month, and after just a few dates. They then make time for them. At least once or twice a week.
Author cici713 Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 Two very different perspectives. What should I do at this point? I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but I also feel he's "not that into me". He does text me every day. I'm just confused.
truth_seeker Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Two very different perspectives. What should I do at this point? I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but I also feel he's "not that into me". He does text me every day. I'm just confused. Go with your gut. Ask him if he's seeing other people.
Author cici713 Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Go with your gut. Ask him if he's seeing other people. Is it too soon to ask? I'm afraid to push him away. Last guy I asked freaked out and distanced himself but that was after about 3 months. I also don't know how to bring it up. I'm almost 30 but I feel I'm so I experienced when it comes to dating. Only one long term relationship so I feel like I've been out of the game for too long.
Versacehottie Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 (edited) Hmmm, well I think you need to be proactive in this situation. Don't just let it be his decision. Restructure it in your mind. YOU ARE GOING TO DECIDE WHERE THIS GOES. As long as you are still enjoying his texts and the times you see him, continue to do so. Knowing that you are going to be the one to pull the plug or fade out if the way he is treating you doesn't work for you will make all the difference in the world. Let him take his time, if that's what he wants to do--he takes the chance of losing you. You see! Now the whole context is different. And it becomes a fun experience. I wouldn't talk to him about the "status" of things. Almost every guy I know hates that, especially when it's not even established that you are in an exclusive relationship. Restructure that part too. Feel lucky that it hasn't been discussed because it means you can still date others too. And you should be. I didn't hear anything in your post that sounded like he is doing anything wrong or that you are not enjoying him to some extent so why try to pull plug or speed it up now. On the other hand (and maybe you just didn't express this) you don't sound so in love with him that you have a need-to-know. So let yourself still find out if HE is worthy of continuing to devote any time to. I think if you date some others, the importance of this guy will sort itself out. He will either rise to the top or you will be bored with his pace. I 100% believe that whether you say anything or not, a guy can feel if you have other things going on and it is always a positive to have other things going on. Make them pin you down. You will get the best "him" when he believes/knows he is in competition with others for your attention. Depending on the guy, sometimes you can drop a hint that you are going out with others and sometimes you don't need to say a word. It's the best thing for your game though...and i mean that not in playing games with guys but for you to find the best guy for you who will treat you well. Don't overthink it. Just go with it until you don't like it anymore or he tries to pin YOU down. If he is going what seems to be slow for you, make sure what you give back is slow also--ie appropriate for where the relationship stands now NOT where you would like it to be. Date others;) Edited August 19, 2013 by Versacehottie misspell
sweetkiwi Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 So I'm pretty new to OLD. Only have been on a handful of dates. My profile is still active but I haven't met except one who I have been out with a few times. I'm still on the fence because I'm not sure if he is interested. We had tentative plans to go out tonight. I called and he said tonight wouldn't be good after all because he had a work issue he needed to fix. He said he would get in touch with me sometime this week to set something up. Even though we've been going on dates for about a month now, nothing is exclusive. I still have an active profile. I was on and just searching, and it said he was on too. It's not that he is still on the website but he made it seem he was overwhelmed and busy with work. I'm starting to feel like he isn't quite interested. If you're so busy working on work stuff how do you have the time to look at profiles? Am I overthinking this and wait to see if he makes plans? When a guy is into you he'll climb mountains to call. He'll call or text from the restroom if he's THAT busy. Nothing can stop him. And you certainly won't be going on dates after a month with him being vague about how he feels. Even a man who's never been "in love" could know if he cares in a month. If I were you (and I have been), I'd have dates with other people. And decide if there's true attraction early on. Even if you're shy and/or he is shy, it's pretty mutually obvious. Every LTR I've had we've both had no doubt about the commitment. Then we make sure with a conversation and we've always been on the same page.
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