Do you think she will come back? Is it GIGS?

[JohnnyT]

Okay so my ex girlfriend and I broke up recently. We had been going out for 11 months and things just ended rapidly, at least for me.

We started dating right when we met and everything was great. We were in college together so we were always together and never were bored of each other. We both knew that we loved each other so much and somehow we both knew that we were the ones for each other. We rarely had fights, but when we did they would probably only last for 2-3 hours and then we would make up because we were so compatible.

Then summer break came. We were distanced physically and she became emotionally distanced to me. She became busy with so many things and would just forget to text me and talk to me. After like one month and a half of this I asked her why she was being like this and if she loved me. She said that the spark is kind of going away, but probably only because we aren't together that much and it will come back when we get back to school, but she said would work on trying more. The next day the conversation continued and she just broke up with me. She said she felt like she was falling out of love and she felt like this since alittle before summer break. She said she thought it would go away but it did not. She just wants to be single and focus on herself.

I still love her very much and I have a good feeling she is too, but I am not sure. I think this because the day before she broke up with me she told me that she still loves me a little and will try to bring it back, but then called it off the next day. She said we wants me us to be best friends, but wants me to move on first, so we are on NC right now.

I know deep down inside that she is the one for me. I truly feel like maybe we just got used to each other and I stopped doing cute things to keep her interest because maybe the honeymoon phase was over. I think that she got bored of no excitement and took it as no love. What do you guys think? Do you think the NC will make her miss me and bring her back to me? and is it GIGS

[JohnnyT]

Anyone please?

[jerryh]

I cant offer much advice as im in a similar situation albeit it 9 weeks since the breakup. Since then she has been cold beyond belief iniating No contact, but constantly drunk dialling me even once saying she loved and missed me and wanted to meet to fix things, only to take it back next day. however she has showed signs lately of being less cold but who knows. all i can say is your in for a bumpy few months full of highs and lows. the best thing you can do is try no contact over small periods at the start maybe perhaps low contact if your finding it difficult. she needs time and space to miss you, and as the saying goes if you love something set it free, if it returns its yours, if not it never was, good luck and ill keep a look out on this thread, just remember loads of us are in this together.

[Lovemaryjane]

My gf n I broke up after eight months. It was 2 days ago. We used to live in Seattle. It was because she's gonna live in DC n I'm going to Miami. She was my high school sweetheart and my first true love. And I was her high school crush lol We even lived together after our first month for the whole school year n so on... We even raised a kitty The sex was amazing and we had the best memories and times of our lives. I was thinking to break it off since the beginning after the school year cuz I can't do long distance lol Not in a city with many sexy women, cuz I hate cheating n would never do it. but then I fell too deep in love and lost my mind for a bit. I tried to drop miami to live with her back in Seattle. however she had more family + $$$ support in DC and basically none back home so it was best for the both of us. Plus i had a scholarship to miami and comm college is a bad idea for a ambitious chef like me who wants to work in fine dining. She ended it with a "I love you" and then just cut me off. At first I was confused and angry but then I remembered why I was gonna break it off and apologized to her. then i basically made it a mutual break up. I'm happy n almost over her already cuz I found myself. I realized that the grass is greener for us if we just separated We both wanted that college experience n it was meant to be from the start. So keep your head up bud, nothing lasts forever. Be grateful for the amazing girl that you had and just live happily. That's what she wants for you, and you'll always be a part of her life. She'll think about you all the time, trust me. And if it was true love, then she'll come back someday to you after all is said and done. But don't keep your hopes up or you'll just hurt yourself more. Be confident in yourself and think about all the other beautiful women that could make you just as happy! Our loves are just part of the process in our journey to find our ultimate loves, and it might even be her! but Life is too short and precious to mourn my friend. Just NC, n don't expect anything. Become the best person you can be and feel blessed for the opportunity of life. Many others don't even get to live long enough to be able to experience love, real talk. if she came back then great, if not then another hottie will be the one for you. That's the mind of a playa, but one that also knows how to treat a girl like a princess as well. But **** what can I say, this break up wasn't even close as bad as a lot of others. I'm a lucky kid and **** dude I'm only seventeen! Plus I got my girl Mary Jane she treats me real good too

[JohnnyT]

I cant offer much advice as im in a similar situation albeit it 9 weeks since the breakup. Since then she has been cold beyond belief iniating No contact, but constantly drunk dialling me even once saying she loved and missed me and wanted to meet to fix things, only to take it back next day. however she has showed signs lately of being less cold but who knows. all i can say is your in for a bumpy few months full of highs and lows. the best thing you can do is try no contact over small periods at the start maybe perhaps low contact if your finding it difficult. she needs time and space to miss you, and as the saying goes if you love something set it free, if it returns its yours, if not it never was, good luck and ill keep a look out on this thread, just remember loads of us are in this together.

 

Yea I read your story and was somewhat optimistic. But I am not sure because right now I know she does not want to get back anytime soon if not at all. Is that how your ex was at first? When did the missing start? My ex is very stubborn so I am not sure how long it will take. Were on NC right now. Its been about 6 days.

[jerryh]

Yea I read your story and was somewhat optimistic. But I am not sure because right now I know she does not want to get back anytime soon if not at all. Is that how your ex was at first? When did the missing start? My ex is very stubborn so I am not sure how long it will take. Were on NC right now. Its been about 6 days.

 

my ex is very stubborn proud and cold too. She was horrible at the start to me barely made communication and said that she doesnt want to get back right now and so on, never closed door fully, told me to move on. Then maybe 4-5 weeks after the breakup she started texting and calling me "drunk" maybe twice a week professing her love and so on. She now texts me sober too so i dont know where its going to go. your ex like mine will feel a burst of relief when they dumped us because they have wanted to for sometime. They will love the first few weeks to months being single, living it up and then one day it hits them how good you were and they begin to miss you, sadly as in my case so far just because they miss you doesnt mean they will get back with us.

[JohnnyT]

my ex is very stubborn proud and cold too. She was horrible at the start to me barely made communication and said that she doesnt want to get back right now and so on, never closed door fully, told me to move on. Then maybe 4-5 weeks after the breakup she started texting and calling me "drunk" maybe twice a week professing her love and so on. She now texts me sober too so i dont know where its going to go. your ex like mine will feel a burst of relief when they dumped us because they have wanted to for sometime. They will love the first few weeks to months being single, living it up and then one day it hits them how good you were and they begin to miss you, sadly as in my case so far just because they miss you doesnt mean they will get back with us.

 

Our exes are very alike. Right now she told me she just wants to be on her own and wants me to move on too. She told me she doesn't know if we will get back together in the future but it will happen if it is meant to be. Her friends told me that she thinks she made the right decision dumping me, even though it wasn't like planned to break up at all. They say that she is not happy but she is not sad at the same time. I am going to give her some space and NC for now and see what happens. I hope she starts missing me and comes back because I truly love her and am pretty sure she it "the one". I really hope your ex comes back to you too. She sounds like she is warming up to the fact but do not talk her a lot because you don't want her to get used to talking to you and then decide that she wants you just as a friend. Go all in or nothing.

[LinkWorshiper]

I am going to go out on a limb here and say that if she's trying to work on herself, then believe that's what she's trying to do and don't try to work her into your corner or think that going NC is going to make a real difference on her end. If you go NC, it's because YOU need to, and if anything, maybe she will think about why YOU needed to take a step away from HER. Telling yourself that you're going to go NC because you think it is some kind of magic tool that will make her miss you is the wrong tack in my opinion. I think you should at least keep LC, because if you are bettering yourself, how else will she know? And if she really needs time to focus on herself, then that will be better for everyone involved, even if you don't totally understand why.

 

I say it because my boyfriend and I broke up because he had a freak out and realized that he was allowing his addictive habits to rule who he was, and he'd reached a point where he couldn't take not knowing anything about himself, even though he's been living with himself all his life. And part of me wants to be like WELL WHAT ABOUT ME, but it's not really about me, even though it kind of seems so, you know? I put NC on him for about a month and a half in the middle of our "being friends" stage, and I did it because I couldn't handle his emotional spinning. Incidentally, he seems to have made the most progress in that time, and now that we've tentatively started talking again, I feel like our interactions will start heading in a deeper, more positive direction, and not just a friendly, kind of superficial one. So we'll see.

 

But that's my two cents.

[JohnnyT]

I am going to go out on a limb here and say that if she's trying to work on herself, then believe that's what she's trying to do and don't try to work her into your corner or think that going NC is going to make a real difference on her end. If you go NC, it's because YOU need to, and if anything, maybe she will think about why YOU needed to take a step away from HER. Telling yourself that you're going to go NC because you think it is some kind of magic tool that will make her miss you is the wrong tack in my opinion. I think you should at least keep LC, because if you are bettering yourself, how else will she know? And if she really needs time to focus on herself, then that will be better for everyone involved, even if you don't totally understand why.

 

I say it because my boyfriend and I broke up because he had a freak out and realized that he was allowing his addictive habits to rule who he was, and he'd reached a point where he couldn't take not knowing anything about himself, even though he's been living with himself all his life. And part of me wants to be like WELL WHAT ABOUT ME, but it's not really about me, even though it kind of seems so, you know? I put NC on him for about a month and a half in the middle of our "being friends" stage, and I did it because I couldn't handle his emotional spinning. Incidentally, he seems to have made the most progress in that time, and now that we've tentatively started talking again, I feel like our interactions will start heading in a deeper, more positive direction, and not just a friendly, kind of superficial one. So we'll see.

 

But that's my two cents.

 

 

Yea I mean I understand she wants to work on herself, but what about all we have been through? Like I truly think she still loves me deep inside. She cannot work on herself while being in a relationship?

[LinkWorshiper]

Yea I mean I understand she wants to work on herself, but what about all we have been through? Like I truly think she still loves me deep inside. She cannot work on herself while being in a relationship?

 

I asked myself the same thing. My man and I were together for 2.5 years and everyone was practically waiting for wedding invitations. Heck, just two days ago, a good mutual friend of ours told me directly, "You were the One and he screwed up...." Which is great to hear on one hand, but then you get caught wondering what happened to all those feelings.

 

Don't wonder. And if you're sure they're still there, then they are. Because the truth is this: if she's going to be a good partner for you, she has to be a good partner for herself. She has to live with herself until the day she dies after all. She has to live in her own head, with her own feelings and her own thoughts no matter what... even if you make her happier than a pig in $hit. If she is not happy in her head, nothing you can do -- and let me repeat, NOTHING -- will help. She has to figure it out for herself, and if her love is real, she will realize who was there for her. IF YOU ARE THERE FOR HER. (Warning: this is the hardest part....)