donella99 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 (edited) My bf/friends with benefits/best friend dumped me. and left to europe to visit another woman that he just met online for 20 days.(allegedly to clear his mind) After his divorce a year ago ( caused by his wife of 15 years leaving him for a french guy!) I AM COMPLETELY DEVASTATED!!! to a physical level, the 20 days has been absolute hell. He has serious issues with his ego and self esteem and after one year next to him , supporting him, keeping him company ,giving free therapy, love, attention,good sex, cooking, going out, on the phone and or skyping all day long. he decided to move on! WITHOUT ME. Im totally in love with him. He is my dream guy. He claims the usual : "I have nothing to give you, its no fair for you, is Me NOT YOU,im not ready to a committed relationship, i need some space".... he is looking for the greener grass in the next yard. Can't say if he is just looking around, or plain never loved me, got bored of me being available for him all the time, or just took me for granted. We met on a popular online dating site,(neither of us never left the site) and been dating for a year, so a while ago when things started to get cold on his side i created a false profile on the same site. He started flirting with the non existent girl , and invited her out (while still in europe) so the fake girl accepted, and of course stood him up. at first he got mad at her and wrote horrors to her online, but an hour later he texted me saying that she said hello! somehow he suspects is me. although he has no proof. i responded naturally and gave no signs of knowing about was he was talking about. He hasn't responded to me ever again. i'm in to the no contact period successfully for 2 weeks, goin thru good and really bad days, i miss him a lot, i deeply in love with him, i cry almost every day. and even i'm forcing myself to go out with other people in dates ,even with other guys or friends with me i'm constantly thinking about him and can't stop. I've got every single "Get your Ex back" program available, read self help book, gone thru several positive affirmations programs, looking on sites like this for help on how to get over it, this brake up is still killing me after a month. I have managed to eat better, take short walks, change the genre of music that i listened to, got new clothes,meditate and finally i sleep more than 3 hours at a time. but he is still the first thing on my mind at nights and in the morning. I really want him back in my life. what to do?? This has killed my self esteem big time if anyone has been in this situation before please advise!! Edited August 19, 2013 by donella99 More input
Philosoraptor Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 From what it reads his divorce was around a year ago and you were with him for about a year? Honestly it doesn't sound like he is ready for any sort of commitment right now and he is still in rebound mode and recovering from his ex wife. I'm sorry but you've been attached to someone who isn't over his past. What you need to do right now is continue to stay NC and work on yourself. In the future you should try to avoid relationships with people who are recently out of a serious commitment.
Emilia Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 He has serious issues with his ego and self esteem and after one year next to him , supporting him, keeping him company ,giving free therapy, love, attention,good sex, cooking, going out, on the phone and or skyping all day long. he decided to move on! WITHOUT ME. Im totally in love with him. He is my dream guy. So you got into some codependent relationship to create a fantasy for yourself. so a while ago when things started to get cold on his side i created a false profile on the same site. He started flirting with the non existent girl , and invited her out (while still in europe) so the fake girl accepted, and of course stood him up. at first he got mad at her and wrote horrors to her online, but an hour later he texted me saying that she said hello! somehow he suspects is me. although he has no proof. i responded naturally and gave no signs of knowing about was he was talking about. He hasn't responded to me ever again. That's really weird. The only advice I can give you is that you need to get a good understanding of what healthy relationships are. 1
Janesays Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 You need to accept that this isn't the guy for you. He had zero interest in you outside of sex and was NEVER going to have interest in you outside of sex. You did yourself a disservice by allowing this man to 'use' you for over a year. And the fact that you're trying to 'win' this guy back is rather pathetic. Have some self respect, dear. This is not your 'dream guy.' This was only a dream, period.
Author donella99 Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 I know but I still miss him every second of every day
Emilia Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I know but I still miss him every second of every day Codependency.
Author donella99 Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 You are very right !! Now how do I reverse it??? It's a year versus a month
Emilia Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 You are very right !! Now how do I reverse it??? It's a year versus a month You need to learn more about codependency and understand why you get caught up in relationships where you try to control the other person so much. This is a good place to start Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie - Reviews, Discussion, Bookclubs, Lists 1
Keenly Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Also, don't ever make a take profile to trick a guy you like. We don't like games, and we do not like to be messed with. That was really low of you. 1
Author donella99 Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 im deeply sorry for that! i needed to know....
travelonic Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 (edited) And the fact that you're trying to 'win' this guy back is rather pathetic. . Ok, there's helping a dumpee out, right after they had the proverbial carpet pulled from under them leaving them a sorry mess, then there's just being a dick. I've been wanting to say this after reading so many threads where SOMEONE has said this, 'cause it just irritates me. Edited August 19, 2013 by travelonic 1
Author donella99 Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 om hurting in so many ways is not even funny
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Also, don't ever make a take profile to trick a guy you like. We don't like games, and we do not like to be messed with. That was really low of you. Disagree. Doesn't seem like the Ops intent was to "play games" more like seeing if this skank would take the bate. Oh, and thats EXACTLY what he is. Desperate people who are crushed do desperate things grasping onto straws. Lighten up.
Author donella99 Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Exactly that! im a good woman just going crazy
Author donella99 Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 To all of you this has helped me inmensely I feel like a weight has been lifted of my chest I needed the input from different points of view. I still need to hear more.... Thanks to all
Author donella99 Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Agreed he used me and got my energy to get better and ran
stillafool Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 But you admit that you two are "friends with benefits" so there was no exclusivity to your relationship. This is what FWBs do.
forgetmenot75 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Are you serious? your dream guy is someone who doesn't want you? you need understand that he's not ready for a relationship WITH YOU. He's just not that interested. He left to Europe for another woman! Are you going to wait for him to come back to you if that relationship doesn't work out? Are you willing to be his doormat, as you've been lately? Keep in mind if he let you alone once, he'll do it again. you're not his dream girl, because if you were, he wont have left you.
stillafool Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Disagree. Doesn't seem like the Ops intent was to "play games" more like seeing if this skank would take the bate. Oh, and thats EXACTLY what he is. Desperate people who are crushed do desperate things grasping onto straws. Lighten up. Well I agree with Keenly. She did nothing but hurt herself by creating a fake profile that he obviously could see through. Now he wants nothing to do with her and I can't blame him because I'm a woman and I hate games. This is a public forum and opinions will be given whether you like them or not.
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