bc321 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 (edited) Hi, Never done this before so please be gentle! Ok here goes, bit complicated so please bear with me. My ex and I first met 15 years ago and went out for about 18months, we were very much in love, but I ran away rather than ask her to marry me because I was scared of being rejected. I ended up with someone else a while later who I regret to say I did not really love and certainly did not have the depth of feeling for, she got pregnant and despite my protests that we weren't ready for it had our first child. I figured I had made my bed etc, we went on to have 2 more children all of whom I love more than anything. She had an affair and 12 months later I left. 4 years ago, about 6 months after I left, my ex got in touch out of the blue, I was overjoyed as I had always loved her,we met up and all the feelings that had always been there came racing back for both of us, it was great! I now know what true love really feels like, we had 2 very happy years together, she was amazingly supportive throughout my court proceedings to get to see my kids etc. My kids adore her, her kids adore me apparently and they are the best of friends together. We split up 18 months ago because I had got depressed after winning the court case, (emotionally it had exhausted me) and she had enough, we had stayed v close and good friends until 6 months ago when this guy appeared on the scene. She is very cagey about their relationship and says they are just friends, her kids have met his kids etc now. Her kids want to come here as much as possible and regularly stay over with mine. I feel like she wants her cake and to eat it as she contacts me to get kids together etc and recently told me to watch a particular movie which is about lifelong love. I want to do what is right for the kids but it breaks my heart every time I see her and hers as it is what I always wanted with her!!! Should I tell her how I feel? I think I need to disappear for my own sake, just don't want her to think I am running away again and the thought of not seeing the kids again is killing me! Any advice greatly appreciated Edited August 19, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Philosoraptor Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I think you need to take care of yourself. I wouldn't say she is doing anything wrong here though. She broke up the relationship and offered friendship, and you accepted. If you can't handle seeing her then you need to let her know that and you'll need to cut her out of your life.
Author bc321 Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 I would agree that she probably isn't doing anything wrong other than it feels like she is keeping me hanging on in case it doesn't work with this guy. Maybe should of said we were doing the friends with benefits thing until 6 months ago. I came to roughly the same conclusion as you have suggested. Thank you for replying
dgiirl Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 There is nothing wrong with being friends but you really have to ask yourself if you are holding onto false hope? If so, you'll never move on. If you cannot be friends without it giving you false hope, maybe ask her to keep her distance until you get over the relationship? Stay apart for 6-12 months and then, if your paths shall cross, then you can be friends? It's tough! I'm in the same boat except we have only been broken up for a week and a bit. I'm going to have to pull the trigger soon tho. I cannot remain friends when I want more.
Author bc321 Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Thank you, I think it probably is false hope like you say, what I don't understand is thing like telling me to watch that movie, NEVER done that kind of thing before and certainly not for that kind of movie, telling me that her kids have been saying they wished we would get married all week ( all very recently) strikes me that if you say you have no feelings for that person, but think they do - why would you tell them these kind of things???
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