Kitchen Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 So I went through a breakup with my gf. I'm not looking to get back together, and there were many problems there. She was dishonest, had too much pride, had a very quick temper, and still had feelings for her ex-bf. There was one great thing about us though, and that was our chemistry, which was through the roof. When we weren't fighting, we were just so in synch with our conversations, it was truly amazing. Both of us had a great sense of humor, and it too meshed well together, so much so that I felt that I was able to be funnier with her than anyone else. We bounced off each other so perfectly. Our chemistry also carried over very well into the bedroom. My concern of course is: will I be able to find such amazing chemistry with anyone else? I know that I shouldn't be looking for a replacement for her, and that every relationship is different. I'm not asking if I'll find someone with her exact sense of humor, etc. But rather, I'd like to know if I'll ever have something as amazing, regardless of the form it may be in. I am also aware that chemistry is not everything in a relationship. And I understand that there are other aspects, such as trust, that I have to look for. But that doesn't mean that I am willing to sacrifice excitement. So for those of you who have been in plenty of relationships, what is your answer to all this?
Author Kitchen Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 ......yes....... How are you so sure?
ls32ssibm Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 So I went through a breakup with my gf. I'm not looking to get back together, and there were many problems there. She was dishonest, had too much pride, had a very quick temper, and still had feelings for her ex-bf. There was one great thing about us though, and that was our chemistry, which was through the roof. When we weren't fighting, we were just so in synch with our conversations, it was truly amazing. Both of us had a great sense of humor, and it too meshed well together, so much so that I felt that I was able to be funnier with her than anyone else. We bounced off each other so perfectly. Our chemistry also carried over very well into the bedroom. My concern of course is: will I be able to find such amazing chemistry with anyone else? I know that I shouldn't be looking for a replacement for her, and that every relationship is different. I'm not asking if I'll find someone with her exact sense of humor, etc. But rather, I'd like to know if I'll ever have something as amazing, regardless of the form it may be in. I am also aware that chemistry is not everything in a relationship. And I understand that there are other aspects, such as trust, that I have to look for. But that doesn't mean that I am willing to sacrifice excitement. So for those of you who have been in plenty of relationships, what is your answer to all this? Doesn't sound like you guys had such terrific chemistry. Because if you did, you'd still be together. You were obviously incompatible. 1
Author Kitchen Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Doesn't sound like you guys had such terrific chemistry. Because if you did, you'd still be together. You were obviously incompatible. Of course we weren't good for each other. But I am specifically referring to the level of excitement we (both) felt with each other, like a natural high, when things were good. I'm worried about not finding that. I am confident I can find someone whom I can trust and who is not into her ex-bf, but that doesn't mean that she will necessarily be the most exciting. And that's what worries me.
Els Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I haven't been in 'plenty' of Rs, by any definition, but I've had my share of a few failed relationships. Each time one ended, I worried that I would not find someone with whom I 'connected' so well ever again. Yet here I am, with someone whom I connect with amazingly, and have been for the past 5 years. Take heart, OP. I won't tell you that there are 'plenty of fish in the sea' - there likely aren't that many people whom you'll connect with amazingly. You probably won't be able to walk out tomorrow and just pick someone off the street. It might take some time, some effort, some waiting. But there is definitely more than one person out there who's right for you. Good luck. 3
Author Kitchen Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 I haven't been in 'plenty' of Rs, by any definition, but I've had my share of a few failed relationships. Each time one ended, I worried that I would not find someone with whom I 'connected' so well ever again. Yet here I am, with someone whom I connect with amazingly, and have been for the past 5 years. Take heart, OP. I won't tell you that there are 'plenty of fish in the sea' - there likely aren't that many people whom you'll connect with amazingly. You probably won't be able to walk out tomorrow and just pick someone off the street. It might take some time, some effort, some waiting. But there is definitely more than one person out there who's right for you. Good luck. Thanks for your reply. So the person you are with currently, do you find that you are connecting with them better than you did with anyone else before, or at least the same? And the people in your past, did you really have the amazing "natural high" chemistry that I'm referring to? I'm asking because I am seriously worried about this, so I really want to make sure.
Els Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Thanks for your reply. So the person you are with currently, do you find that you are connecting with them better than you did with anyone else before, or at least the same? Yes, absolutely. And the people in your past, did you really have the amazing "natural high" chemistry that I'm referring to?Again, yes. I don't get into relationships with people with whom I don't have that sort of 'connection' with (hence why I have only had 3, and all lasted past the 1 year stage). Things didn't work out with them because of incompatibilities that couldn't be seen on the surface (ie we had to be together and out of honeymoon phase before those issues emerged). The chemistry was never the problem. I'm asking because I am seriously worried about this, so I really want to make sure.I think your worries are natural ones for someone who has left a relationship and doesn't have much experience with them (if I read you correctly). Trust me, there isn't just one person in this whole wide world whom you'll connect with.
Author Kitchen Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 Thanks. I'm still worried, but it's nice to see some reassurance. Can anyone else back Elswyth up?
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Well, I am an oldish long time married person...but if I recall back before my husband, we didn't have color tv, had to walk uphill both ways to school...oops lost my train of thought. Yes dear kitchen...there will be many many chemically charged relationships..many of the will flame hard and die out and others will smolder for a long while if properly stoked. No worries...unless you live on a deserted island. 3
todreaminblue Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Kitchen I had intense chemistry with my ex, but like you we were actually quite incompatible...this is what i know about chemistry....what you had that chemistry is in you, you felt it...so therefore you have it.....its called passion...... will you still have passion if you meet another of course....will you meet someone who has passion similar to yrou level of passion.....you most certainly will.....if that is what you are looking for...... your last relationship from what you say howevr was based on chemistry though...you need to be looking for that balance between chemistry that can also be found as slow burning.......and the balance of compatibility to make that relationship last longer than the last relationship which was out of balance and unstable so it ended....... when that happens you will know its right.....from when it fails to be a science of chemistry and attraction......and becomes that something special with stability thrown in....good luck....you will have that passion again next time.....it may be even better i feel that relationships that come to an end for whatever reason.....are making way for better ones to occur, so, an end is needed for that to happen for you.....deb 1
FemmeMystere Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Oh GODS yes. As long as there are women in the world, you'll find chemistry again. In fact, I've dated three people THIS YEAR that I felt that way about. The first fizzled out as suddenly as it started, the second was hot and cold (I couldn't tolerate that insanity for long), and the third one is still going strong. Each relationship is a new experience; don't go in expecting that things will be exactly like (or even similar to) the relationship with your ex. 1
crederer Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 What do you mean by "chemistry"? You probably found her very attractive, but that does not equal chemistry. Or at least, if you felt chemistry, it was one sided, as you are now broken up.
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