forgetmenot75 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Hello, I'm clueless. After almost 10 weeks no contact, ups and downs, etc, I find myself thinking about him non stop since 2 days ago. I was driving yesterday and started to cry and couldn't stop. Then, I started remembering things about him, things I never remembered before in this no contact time, as if my brain is searching new/old memories to fill my thoughts. I remembered when we first met, how interested was in getting to know me better... Also, I remembered the name if the old lady he was in love with, and I had all her pictures in my mind. I remembered his sweet words when he talked about her. And I'm also remembering all the red flags and clues he gave that he was not into me and I decided not to see at that time. I'm feeling extremely hurt he never cared for me, and I'm also wondering if he's forgotten me already, or if he's remembering me like the naive and desperate girl who looked for him all the time. I certainly don't want to be remembered like that. Anyway, I should not care how he is remembering me, right? This process is making me feel terrible. He's on my mind 99% of the day. I wish I knew how to make him disappear, I'm suffering right now. What's wrong with me? 1
JDPT Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I know the feeling trust me, I've been having terrible days lately when I thought I was doing "better". I just came back from watching a movie and certain scenes made me teary (and this was the Steve Jobs movie) I recall I never used to get teary at anything, as if I was emotionless and now almost anything can make my eyes watery. I remember the very first time we met, she looked amazing, or a time when we were going up the stairs and she simply started to laugh hysterically at something I said and stopped and leaned against the wall laughing, looking up at me with her hair covering her face, it's so difficult to forget that smile. I'm trying a new technique of not fighting my thoughts (I know it sounds counter productive but I'll try anything at this point) and simply watch them come and go from a very objective perspective. It appears to be working as it helps me detach from the thoughts and starve them from me continuing or encouraging them. I'm trying to train my brain to view those thoughts as no longer being my thoughts, in other words viewing them as thoughts that do not belong to me and not give them any importance. If you think about it when you give those thoughts importance and continue to feed them they will only get bigger and bigger and will eventually get out of control. I'm only 24 days NC and have learned plenty of times that it's best this way than continue to check up on her as it's too painful.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Meh not hormones. Any other imput? Is this a setback? Im missing him a lot lately, what is happening?
lovesucks76 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I know the feeling trust me, I've been having terrible days lately when I thought I was doing "better". I just came back from watching a movie and certain scenes made me teary (and this was the Steve Jobs movie) I recall I never used to get teary at anything, as if I was emotionless and now almost anything can make my eyes watery. I remember the very first time we met, she looked amazing, or a time when we were going up the stairs and she simply started to laugh hysterically at something I said and stopped and leaned against the wall laughing, looking up at me with her hair covering her face, it's so difficult to forget that smile. I'm trying a new technique of not fighting my thoughts (I know it sounds counter productive but I'll try anything at this point) and simply watch them come and go from a very objective perspective. It appears to be working as it helps me detach from the thoughts and starve them from me continuing or encouraging them. I'm trying to train my brain to view those thoughts as no longer being my thoughts, in other words viewing them as thoughts that do not belong to me and not give them any importance. If you think about it when you give those thoughts importance and continue to feed them they will only get bigger and bigger and will eventually get out of control. I'm only 24 days NC and have learned plenty of times that it's best this way than continue to check up on her as it's too painful. I hear you man. Today I went for a long bike ride trying to keep busy and all I did was think about her the whole time. I started freaking crying while riding my bike today too. Pathetic. SO pissed I did that. I also find myself guessing what she may be doing today or tonight, tomorrow....I really hate myself for it. Really do, what a fool. I also hate feeling like crap especially when you know it's a waste of time. She doesn't deserve it and NO amount of crying will bring her back. I'm not sure what she's doing right now and to be honest I hope she's bored to hell. I don't really give a damn anymore, I just want her out of my head! I've tried just about every trick in the book. For me the most efficient trick was to make a list of why she's good match for me and also why she's NOT a good match for me. Basically a pros/cons comparison. My conclusion was she doesn't deserve me so I need to find a way to get her out my head. I love her so much but I will find a way....I will. I swear!! Oh yes, and I need to grab my balls back!! 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 As you are discovering, recovery is not a linear process. It is up and down and up and down. Which is why it is often referred to as a 'roller coaster ride' I am constantly discovering memories I hadn't remembered in a long time as well. Just part of the process... You are recovering quite normally. It just takes time 3
Author forgetmenot75 Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Thank you, mountain biker. How are you feeling today? I'm thinking I'm really stuck. Not making progress. I don't know what rl s to do to make this ass disappear from my mind, lately everything seems to have some kind of connection with him. I even start thinking like him. He once told me guys are only interested in sex, so I feel uneasy now with the guys I'm talking to. I don't know how to forget about all this things, I'm going a little more crazy than usual
JDPT Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 (edited) I hear you man. Today I went for a long bike ride trying to keep busy and all I did was think about her the whole time. I started freaking crying while riding my bike today too. Pathetic. SO pissed I did that. I also find myself guessing what she may be doing today or tonight, tomorrow....I really hate myself for it. Really do, what a fool. I also hate feeling like crap especially when you know it's a waste of time. She doesn't deserve it and NO amount of crying will bring her back. I'm not sure what she's doing right now and to be honest I hope she's bored to hell. I don't really give a damn anymore, I just want her out of my head! I've tried just about every trick in the book. For me the most efficient trick was to make a list of why she's good match for me and also why she's NOT a good match for me. Basically a pros/cons comparison. My conclusion was she doesn't deserve me so I need to find a way to get her out my head. I love her so much but I will find a way....I will. I swear!! Oh yes, and I need to grab my balls back!! I hear you bro, but look at it this way, if you shed ONE tear that tear is for you and no one else but you. You are doing this for you, it's you that is getting all of it out your chest and you would agree that you feel better afterwards, I know I do. I feel like my ex haunts me even in my freaking dreams it's ridiculous and I try my damn hardest during the day to eradicate all thoughts. I know deep inside that I no longer love her, if she would have loved me she wouldn't have done things the way she did, she essentially had no mercy on me, but the memories and moments that are buried in my subconscious suddenly surface again. I know the feeling it's as if you would do anything to just have a moment of sanity, there are certain times when I feel like I'm losing it, honestly but once I get through those moments I become somewhat stable again. I've analyzed in retrospect that she was never the one for me yet we tried to make the impossible possible and this is how I ended, being dumped. We need to keep going, day in and day out, it's a struggle, one day all this pain will makes sense. As I listen to JT-what goes around, hopefully one day someone will make her feel the excruciating pain she managed to inflict in me. Edited August 19, 2013 by JDPT
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Thank you, mountain biker. How are you feeling today? I'm thinking I'm really stuck. Not making progress. I don't know what rl s to do to make this ass disappear from my mind, lately everything seems to have some kind of connection with him. I even start thinking like him. He once told me guys are only interested in sex, so I feel uneasy now with the guys I'm talking to. I don't know how to forget about all this things, I'm going a little more crazy than usual I'm doing OK. Sundays are the worst. So boring and lonely... The thing is, recovery is slow and it often times feels like you are stagnant and not moving forward. But if you look at the overall picture, you are much better than you were last week, last month, 3 months ago... You'll get there. We all will 1
aloneinaz Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Hello, I'm clueless. After almost 10 weeks no contact, ups and downs, etc, I find myself thinking about him non stop since 2 days ago. I was driving yesterday and started to cry and couldn't stop. Then, I started remembering things about him, things I never remembered before in this no contact time, as if my brain is searching new/old memories to fill my thoughts. I remembered when we first met, how interested was in getting to know me better... Also, I remembered the name if the old lady he was in love with, and I had all her pictures in my mind. I remembered his sweet words when he talked about her. And I'm also remembering all the red flags and clues he gave that he was not into me and I decided not to see at that time. I'm feeling extremely hurt he never cared for me, and I'm also wondering if he's forgotten me already, or if he's remembering me like the naive and desperate girl who looked for him all the time. I certainly don't want to be remembered like that. Anyway, I should not care how he is remembering me, right? This process is making me feel terrible. He's on my mind 99% of the day. I wish I knew how to make him disappear, I'm suffering right now. What's wrong with me? I think you're bored and have no one else in your life to occupy your thoughts. I think what you're going thru is normal as well. I'm almost 3 months post break up and NC. I still think about her on occasion but I catch myself and remember our last two months and how un-happy I was with her. She was a selfish bitch and I keep asking myself why I wasn't able to pull the trigger and dump her first. I think most of us on here wouldn't really want to go back to our exes. I've thought of that exact thing. Ok, she contacts me, apologizes and wants a final shot. Nothing would change. It would be ok for a week or two and then go right back to the toxic relationship it was. I think you need to do some more internal thinking as well as to why you keep him in your mind. What value is it? What did he do for you? Did you get external validation from him? Are you missing that now?
Author forgetmenot75 Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 I'd like to share something I've found out these days. I bought two book: he's not that into you (highly recommend), and "the game". This last one is about pua. I've read more than half and found most of the techniques used by puas very familiar. He was using it with me. Most of the pick up lines, and most of the techniques. I feel infuriated. And I feel stupid. I feel sad for myself. But I still miss his silly words. He manipulated me, I let him manipulate me. Most terrible thing is, I was only one more from all the girls he's been with. He won't remember me, he probably moved onto the next one. Very simple. How can I move on now? I'm still stuck, can't date anyone because I'm terrified the story repeats, but at the same time I cant forget about him. I was so inexperienced and naive. I am no more I've lost a part of me, and I don't know how to find it again.
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