Emma1234 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Oh god. I know I shouldn't have looked but I've just seen things between my ex and another girl. There is so much flirting and there are photos on social media sites. He has been having parties at hers and looks so happy. Pictures of his arm round her. I literally can't stop crying. It hurts so much. I know I've done this to myself by looking but please please don't criticise me. I know I shouldn't have. Oh why does it hurt so much? It has only been 3 and a half months since he broke up with me to 'find himself' and apparently stay away from girls. Please help me to stop crying and feeling like this 2
iouaname Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I'm in the same boat It's hard, and I'm not really sure that I can offer any advice but I will say that I sympathise with what you're going through and I'm sorry!
Nicoleiia Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I know just how you feel. It is a nightmare. Just knowing they are with someone else and have forgotton about you is the worst feeling. But just know that the feeling will subside some day, and you WILL get over it. It just takes time. 1
Babolat Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 My advise is to not look at these social media sites..delete them, do whatever you have to to not look at them. 4
JDPT Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 That's exactly what I asked myself prior to logging on. Why does it hurt so much to lose a loved one? I made an attempt at rationalizing things but it become too complex. I'm sorry you had to see those pictures, I can only imagine how I would feel if I ever see my ex with another man. Hence why I stay away from her as much as possible. Just like the saying goes "what you don't know won't hurt". Keep strong and stay away from social media or any other apparatus that may remind you or update you on his dealings. 2
Author Emma1234 Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 Social Media mixed with immaturity, selfishness and no self control isn't a good combination. The number of relationships, marriages, friendships, etc. that have been ruined. All fights, arguements, bullying, stalking, jealousy, drama, chaos, hurt feelings, embarrassment, humiliation, lying, cheating, affairs, etc. is staggering. What makes it worse... It's all self-inflicted and totally unnecessary. Why people subject themselves to the temptations, complications, drama, etc... I will never understand. People trying to be cool, show off, get attention, validation and project a perfect life... usually backfires and bites them in the ass. I could tell you 10 couples, 3 marriages and 10+ friendships that were victims of a immature, selfish or a person with no self control who couldn't handle the temptations that social media shoves in their face. Considering in less than 6 years, Facebook is sited in 1/3 of every divorce in the USA (imagine if it included all social media)... You would think people would start to catch on that it isn't a great idea to subject yourself or for your partner to subject themselves to the temptations it brings. I agree that social media is a curse sometimes, but what do you mean by immaturity and selfishness?
JDPT Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I agree as well, I view social media as the devil albeit others may not agree. I was glad my ex didn't involve herself in social media so it was one less thing to worry about. I stay away from it as well, it brings nothing but trouble down the road. 2
iouaname Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 It's true, I have been social media free for a month and I was feeling good. The minute I went back, I felt back at square one. 3
Author Emma1234 Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 You did read the posts here, right? Almost every other thread involves Social Media. Here in the break up forum, you have 50% of the dumpees doing what you did causing themselves MASSIVE amounts of pain by stalking an Ex and getting crushed by what they find. Or... The other 50% of dumpees on here who were victims of an Ex who cheated, had an emotional affair, etc. and left for someone they just met or knew via Social Media. If you go look at the Marriage, Other Man / Woman, Divorce Forum... Almost every other thread is in-regards to Social Media (jealousy, fights, cheating, affairs, emotional affairs, divorce, etc.). If you go look at the dating section... Almost every other post has to do with Social Media too and none of it is positive. Personally, I think MOST people can't handle it based on what I hear from friends, family, co-workers, hear / see in the news and read on the web. Take my Ex for example... She wasn't crazy about Social Media and is a honest and trustworthy person... However, she was getting hit on daily but people she once knew, friends of friends, friends of co-workers, people she didn't even know, etc. She was mature enough to handle it and it was never an issue but I think it's disrespectful for someone to willingly put their partner in that situation (you can live without Social Media and still have a life and keep in touch with friends, family, etc.)... which is why she stopped using it. Yes I did read the posts. I have learnt the hard way. The thing I'm finding hard to understand is who you are implying to be selfish and immature? I very much regret looking and will not be doing so again, sadly it took this hurt to make me realise.
JDPT Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Yes I did read the posts. I have learnt the hard way. The thing I'm finding hard to understand is who you are implying to be selfish and immature? I very much regret looking and will not be doing so again, sadly it took this hurt to make me realise. Hey don't be so hard on yourself we all have broken NC at some point in our break up. Make the decision you made valuable and learn from it. You now know how it feels and it's best to commit to NC and nothing else. What I'm trying to say is don't feel guilty about it or continue to dwell on it. You have learned your lesson and it's time to move forward never looking back.
kayjay85 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I totally know what your going through. my ex of 2months has started dating a girl who has been commenting on his twitter for the last 2 weeks. Theyve been dating for a couple of days but they do all the stuff we do. To make it wose her parents are on holiday and he stayed. My brother has him on BBM and says there in bed together. Theyve been dating for 4 days. makes me sick but it was my own fault stalking his page and hers too. I am no longer going to look because it just gets worse and worse. I cannot even think about dating let alone sleeping with someone.
Own Worst Enemy Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 There is nothing worse. All you can do is cry it out. Tell yourself it won't always feel like this. One day he will just be a memory and you will have moved on. And their honeymoon won't last. All the lousy things he did? They are someone else's problem now. Not yours. Chin up. It can't get any worse than right now. Every day will be better. And this won't hurt for as long as when it first ended. X 2
drallafi Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Oh god. I know I shouldn't have looked but I've just seen things between my ex and another girl. There is so much flirting and there are photos on social media sites. He has been having parties at hers and looks so happy. Pictures of his arm round her. I literally can't stop crying. It hurts so much. I know I've done this to myself by looking but please please don't criticise me. I know I shouldn't have. Oh why does it hurt so much? It has only been 3 and a half months since he broke up with me to 'find himself' and apparently stay away from girls. Please help me to stop crying and feeling like this One of the hardest things in life. The good news is now you know, and now you can stop holding out hope and start healing. I know it's little to no consolation, but time will heal all wounds. A year from now, you will be able to look back at this post and laugh about how emotional this made you feel. You'll be in a much better place. The trick is getting there. Hang in there my friend; you are not alone. Good luck. 1
Ireallydontknow Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I was a victim of social media. My fiance ran off with some Facebook guy. It's just proof that everyone keeps looking for the next big thing. When you have a constant barrage of guys on you, a couple are going to look more than perfect. Also I had to see my fiance with another guy almost immediately after our break up. I mean days after it she is in another relationship, and claims to love this person she only met once. I wonder if it's going to last? I often wonder what if she'll be the woman I wanted her to be, for someone else? 1
kayjay85 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 i really know that feeling although hes not claiming to love her but dating after just a few day of knowing her. and sleeping with her. She obviously aint no good and neither is my ex. I knew he would move on and maybe the sooner the better instead of us waiting to see. I know now there is no hope for us and i think that will be able to make me heal faster x 1
Ireallydontknow Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Heh I think my ex moving on is holding me back sometimes. I think of "How could she forget me so fast?" "Is she thinking of me?" "Does she miss me?" Sometimes I think "Is she ok?" Why should I care? I still do. I still want to protect her and love her, but I cannot. It hurts to know, there is an empty void in my heart that is in the shape of her. I wish it didn't have to be this way. I'd trade everything I have right now to be with her, happy with her.
singme2sleep Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I went through this at the 3 month breakup mark. It was a particularly shocking and tough blow when I saw that he was officially in a new relationship and he had changed his profile pic to him and her...after dumping me with the lie that he needed to be alone/couldn't be in a relationship. It hurt like hell but it also forced me to finally realize that it was over and he wouldn't be coming back. My advice to you is take the pain and channel it into healing. Do not shed anymore tears for a foolish guy who has moved on. Always remember that you don't need anyone who doesn't need you! So keep that head held high girl :-) 1
singme2sleep Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I often wonder what if she'll be the woman I wanted her to be, for someone else? Sometimes I think that way too. At the end of our relationship he was depressed and distant. Now that he's with someone else I wonder if she gets him at his best, if she gets the happier and more together version of him. It doesn't seem fair!
kayjay85 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 For the last 10 months i was very depressed and kept it to myself i tried not to be distant as it wasnt my partners fault i tried to cary on as normal but he knew something was wrong. Now im getting help for all my problems i asked my partner if we could have another go at it everything out in the open now i dont have to be distant or hide anything. It can be better relationship now but no. Now i have got help for my problems i know that when i do meet someone i can have a better relationship than the last 10 months of my last one.
iouaname Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Sometimes I think that way too. At the end of our relationship he was depressed and distant. Now that he's with someone else I wonder if she gets him at his best, if she gets the happier and more together version of him. It doesn't seem fair! I feel like this a lot, too. He was immature and did dumb things in our relationship, and I sometimes wonder if his new relationships will be better because he was able to use hurting me so much as a learning experience
NomiMalone Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Unfriend and block!! Do it no matter how rude/petty it may seem to your former partner. Unfollow any mutual friends, and stay away from social media for awhile if necessary (it won't kill anyone, I promise.) Deleting and blocking your ex simply MUST be done and imperative for healing and moving on. What they do no longer matters to us.
kayjay85 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 IOUANAME i know what you mean i feel like my ex was a bit immature and he will learn from our relationship and have a better one with the next partner. I know thats how we grow as people but i just wished she wasnt getting the better him. I hope he doesnt change. Yes he was a great partner but he had faults he liked to drink a lot with his mates always liked to party and i didnt mind as i wernt a party person or a big drinker. But id love to know if she will put up with it haha i hope not x 1
Author Emma1234 Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Thank you everyone, you really helped me through a rough patch x 1
Dazzee Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I'm glad you feel better and I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I honestly don't have much advice on the issue. I too look at my ex's Facebook, although I know it to be foolish. I hope everything works out for you, good luck.
kayjay85 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Ive just had a really good talk with my mum. She said what the best revenge SUCCESS. She said i had better snap out of this and get my business in order. The last thing my ex is going to expect now is me being happy and getting on with things. Even if your not happy fake it untill you are. She says my ex wont know what to think. He will be scared because he thinks your at home crying and here you are youve bounced back. He doesnt have to know you havent got over it he just has to think you have. Im pretty sure my mum has a lot more experience she is such a strong woman and i am going to take her advice. im just going to fake it untill i make it. Thanks mum 3
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