kisslaboca Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 Hi everyone, I need a bit of advice and help. I feel worried and wonder if this is how NC is to work. My ex broke up with me back in June, but we remained in contanct and sleeping exclusively with each other until Sept. I moved to another country in Sept.and I asked him not to contact me and told him that I intended not to make contact with him so that i can finally get over him, as he was so sure he didn't want to be with me. So its been 2 months but I don't feel like Im over him, I still think of him and inside still feel conected to him. I sometimes go through everything in my head and find that I hate him but then I realize my mistakes or see things from another perspective and I realize how much I love him. I'm not doing NC in the hopes that he would start missing me and come back, Im doing it to get over him. I do have a life, go out, enjoy myself, enjoy my friends and I don't think about him all the time and sometimes 2 or 3 days or 3 go by and I don't think of him at all. However, I still feel attached to him and like deep down im in denial or something. Has this happened to anyone else? Its like Im cool with being on my own but at some deeper level I don't believe we are really separated. Is this some spirutual connection or just plain normal? I thought this NC thing will help me out here. This is a weird analogy, but in my case this is how NC feels like: Imagine you have a toe nail with an ugly fungus. NC is like painting it with a preety red nail polish that makes it look real good on the inside, but it is not like those pills that kill the fungus from the blood stream. Does anyone get this or am I a total weirdo for feeling this? Is there anyone out there in my situation also? Im afraid I might be in worst shape that I can possibly imagine and that not getting over my ex even though I am doing no contact is because Im retarded or something. What can I do to make NC work to forget him?
Scott S Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 Originally posted by kisslaboca What can I do to make NC work to forget him? Your analogy not withstanding, you seem to have the right idea about NC, at least for what you're hoping to accomplish. That is, to get past this, heal, & move on with your life. You didn't mention how long you had a relationship. I am therefore assuming it was a longer-term one. As such, he was a significant part of your life for a time. You had feelings which cannot simply be turned off like a light switch. Now there are changes which take time to get used to. In other words, your feelings are perfectly normal. Some days will be good, other days you will miss him, & wonder if you did the right thing by ending the relationship (Of course, you have to decide that for yourself.). Getting past this will take time, but it will happen if you allow it to.
seductress989 Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 Hey kissablanca, You situation sounds almost identical to mine! I ended things w/my ex in June and we slept together until I started NC in Sept. I feel exactly the same as you. I still feel connected and I dream these wonderful dreams about him. I am definitely not over and NC isn't helping any either. I do agree with your analogy except my version of NC is different: I believe it is like acceptance of what you cannot control and the willingness to let fate work some magic. I want my ex to miss me too, since I ended things. But it's really hard for me to contact him when he turned off his cell and he doesnt have internet. You moved to a different country! That is different of my situation. My ex and I live around 30 mins apart and we dated 1.5 years. How long did you date this guy? I really understand where you're coming from b/c I am so there right now. Keep us posted. ~Seductress
Author kisslaboca Posted November 10, 2004 Author Posted November 10, 2004 Hi guys, thanks to both of you for the good advice. I feel a bit better knowing that others go through something similar. Hi seductress, Iam sorry to hear you are going through this also. It sort of gives me some sort of hope though cause it was my ex who ended things and since you were the one to end things with your bf, it shows that sometimes the one that breaks up can feel these things too. My ex and I went out for 2 years. He broke up with me. I moved to a different country and you are 30 minutes from him, and in practical terms physical distance makes a huge difference. However, you could be in the same room with someone and feel like a million miles away or be really far away and feel very close, I think in the soul distances are not the same. I wonder if this connection we feel with our exs means that there is still some karmic type connection like a friend said, some sort of thing one feels when the relationship is not really over. Then how do we know the other feels that as well? Lets hope if they do they will show it in due time if its for the best. Seductress why did you end things with your guy? Do you still love him?
seductress989 Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 I still love my ex truly,madly, and deeply. I do honestly regret breaking up with him, but I told him that I wasn't planning on ever seeing him again and I have kept my word. The reason I broke up with him is not feasible; to be honest I can't remember the exact reason why. I just remember that I called him from work one day and he was rude to me. I got mad and ended it over the phone. If I could turn back time, I wouldn't of ended it, I would've just hung up and talked to him later on. But you have to move on unless you're willing to take this risk. I have completely avoided contact with him. The reason for that is I am so vulnerable right now and I can't risk getting hurt again. I am also at a very hectic point in my life right now: I'm in college and I have to work a full-time job and it's very stressful. I don't believe a relationship would help me right now. I do feel a connection to him. He even told my sister a little over a week ago to tell me to come and see him. I was shocked, believe me. He brought me up in his conversation with my sister and said...that. I thought he would hate me now, but he doesn't; he's just very hurt by some things I said after the breakup. I come to my parents house during the weekends and last weekend I seen him in town. I could've easily stopped and talked to him, but I restrained myself and told myself now wasn't the time. If I was in your case, I probably would've contacted him especially if I lived in another country! But, all I'm suggesting is that if you're willing to place the risk of rejection or hurt upon yourself, contact him. Don't expect anything be indifferent until he gives you a reason not to. I do wonder if he thinks about me; he must think something or he wouldn't of told my sister that stuff. I don't think anyone should torture themselves. Do what you FEEL is right and see what happens. Keep me posted.
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