Leigh 87 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I approach, but only when I knew the guy is attracted. I Have a market of some men who are very attracted to me (curvy blonde, light/ice blue eyes and full lips). I am not the hottest thing out there, however; there are always SOME men around, when I am out, no matter where I go, who are very attracted. Not all men or most men, but some men. Wherever I go. The guys who aren't attracted to me, or who prefer thin brunettes with small breasts probably will not look at me and give clear signals that they are attracted, so..... I only approach guys I know are attracted. I could be wrong, however; signs they are attracted? - prolonged eye contact and looking twice at you - they very readily chat to you if you walk past them and say "excuse me" to get past, or make small talk; if they are attracted they tend to talk to you more, opposed to just ending the interaction I guess I am lucky, in that although not the hottest girl out there, I have a specific look that some guys go crazy for. And I love wearing clothes and dress very well, and stand out. I think some women will garner attention and be able to approach guys, and others will not; the ones that do are not necessarily more attractive, but they probably have a good fashion sense and seem interesting and have a certain look to them?
kaylan Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 If you want more women to approach, move to Europe. Easy peazy over there apparently.
Southern Cal Dude Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 If you want more women to approach, move to Europe. Easy peazy over there apparently. As well as Brazil and Sweden. I was treated like a lower tier celebrity in Rio.
ForeverHopeful1 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I have been with my partner for years now but in my younger years, I never had to approach men. It wasn't necessary for me to, so I didn't. It was and is quite simple. My parents, if anything, taught me to go after what I want. They certainly didn't teach me to sit around waiting for things. Its not that I believe women shouldn't approach men they want, I just didn't need to and a lot of other women don't either. I actually think you should go for who you want and what you want. Male or female. I do find it an attractive trait when my H is and has been assertive with me.
Southern Cal Dude Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 hmmm I happen to come from Sweden. Maybe because you are American, women here are more likely to approach you. Swedish girls love america, they all want to move to New York and live in manhattan. Swedish guys are not as exciting as Americans so we don't have such luck. Take it from an American. We're no more exciting than you guys. And New York isn't all its cracked up to be. Overcrowded and expensive.
crude Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 If he's not that attracted to you, here's what happens - "Oh wow, a woman finally approached ME! Ok, not quite my type, but hell. When does that ever happen? Ok, so I'll go on a date with her. Hmmm still not much happening in my dating life, but I know she likes me because she's the one that approached. So I'll keep going out with her. Not really feeling it, but what if no woman ever approaches me again? Okay, now it's been going on a while. She's not much of a challenge, she made it obvious she liked me by asking me out. And she's not my type, not sure I would have asked her out. Getting bored now. Should probably move on." And that's why I don't approach. It's NEVER a good relationship when I have. When you approach - Unless a man is completely repulsed by you, he'll very often drift into dating you because being approached is such a novelty. But you can just feel that he's not really into it. You must be kidding. First of all it's not that much of a novelty, second of all thinking this might never happen again so I'll date her is absolutely ridiculous. A man going out with a woman again and again because she approached him is unlikely. And don't forget you'd be the one approaching the man, if you have any common sense you could do better than some jerk. It's easy enough for a man to say I have a girlfriend if he's not interested. What really happens is that men ask women out, the woman knows there's a free meal at a nice restaurant, she likes going out and has nothing to lose, so she says yes. He's with a woman who doesn't think he's a big deal, but heh, it gets her out of the apartment. All I can say is it's lucky for women that men can't read your minds and see how convoluted and simplistic your thoughts are. You'd have to be much better looking than you are now to get any attention.
ForeverHopeful1 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Men (generally, not all) treat women who are physically attractive with a high tolerance for bull**** behavior. They can lie, be manipulative, behave bratty, immaturely, and I could go on and on and on BUT this is all glossed over thanks to her hot bod and gorgeous face. It's not just men who respond this way either but the thing is that other women see it. Other women notice it happening, teenage girls and young girls witness it and it just reinforces the idea into their heads. If a man has a problem with princess complexes and self-absorption then there's not a damn thing you can do about how other people treat women but you could at the least start treating women as people and not Barbie dolls. I couldn't help but stand by this post. As a female who gets special attention and treatment for being a female, it is highly apparent to me that being female, in a dominantly male industry it has benefitted. I get things sooner, people are nicer and people are more willing to help me. I know this because even the men I work with have complained that when I am not there, their job is harder and people do not treat them as well when I am not around. Attractive folks get a good but of attention more than unattractive people. I find it sad as I think everyone should be treated equally. It really isn't like that though.
kaylan Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 (edited) Is the traditional male approach completely contrived at this point? If what makes a male attractive (and from my understanding, still quite unclear to me) involves more effort on the mans part (degree, job, personality, good fatherly traits, etc...) and thus renders so many men, according to the women undatable and gives females more power in the dating realm, and so many messages/approaches by males are met with standoffish behavior or just a 'no', then why aren't women doing the approaching? A girl posted something saying ' simply saying hello or whats up isn't going to impress me guys' today. I replied "What kind of messages are you sending out then?" to her. To which she replied "Ask her a question about something in her profile. And she used the word GIRL, as if there was an assumption that I wanted to ask how I would approach a girl, when in fact I was asking how SHE would approach men. Is this textbook female narcissism? I've seen this expectation as rampant among young girls. Do todays parents just teach their daughters to sit around looking pretty and waiting for men to approach them like some primitive animals do in the wild? Is there nothing seperating us from wild animals? And is this the consequences that come from living in the midwest where the female population is rather low relative to major metropolitan areas, where the more single women there are, the more likely it is that someone would approach me instead of me having to send out messages hundreds of girls only to just keep getting rejection. Can't we progress in our thinking? Solution: Look sexy, then profit from the sexiness.Like the shrinking middle class and entry level employment, the average males are left up crap creek without a paddle. The hot good looking men have no problems because they're hot. The chubby or gross looking guys garner sympathy and are assumed to be sensitive so they have no issues either it seems. So where does that leave the average man? You'll get no argument from me Jamie. Lol, whered you hear this info about chubby and gross dudes? I used to approach. No more. Many men think they'd like it, but when it actually happens they don't. What they actually mean is "if you're hot enough I wish you'd approach me". Kinda agree with this. Its awkward having to turn down a girl whos approached me if Im not into her. I dont like rejecting people so Id rather be the one approaching. However knowing when to approach takes a while to figure out....hell Im still figuring it out. Sometimes Im not sure if a girl is into me, or if we just happened to look at one another a few times. I mean sometimes I check out girls I wouldnt really have to much of an interest in dating...so Im sure girls do this sometimes as well. Plus there have been times when I totally felt like I got no vibe from a girl, only to find out later that she likes me. Its all confusing really. If he's not that attracted to you, here's what happens - "Oh wow, a woman finally approached ME! Ok, not quite my type, but hell. When does that ever happen? Ok, so I'll go on a date with her. Hmmm still not much happening in my dating life, but I know she likes me because she's the one that approached. So I'll keep going out with her. Not really feeling it, but what if no woman ever approaches me again? Okay, now it's been going on a while. She's not much of a challenge, she made it obvious she liked me by asking me out. And she's not my type, not sure I would have asked her out. Getting bored now. Should probably move on." And that's why I don't approach. It's NEVER a good relationship when I have. When you approach - Unless a man is completely repulsed by you, he'll very often drift into dating you because being approached is such a novelty. But you can just feel that he's not really into it. ^Women do this ALL the time. A lot of girls do this when they are having slow dating periods or if they arent finding guys they really like. How many threads do we see on this forum of girls talking about guys they arent that into or guys complaining about girls who seem iffy.Yeah and they often times assume that you're "easy." Any time I've approached or pursued a guy they weren't all that into me and that never changed. well..... Edited August 19, 2013 by kaylan
Imajerk17 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Seriously, I now shake my head when I see guys wishing women would approach. Like it's going to help them. Here's the thing you fellas who wish women would approach have to realize: If women WERE to approach, they wouldn't be approaching YOU. Sorry but they wouldn't. They instead would be approaching (a) the guys who appear to be having the most fun and who have women around them anyway (b) the impossibly good-looking guys, who (you guessed it) probably have a whole bunch of women around them anyway. So average guys would find that dating suddenly becomes much harder, not easier. You guys might not see this but the way things are now actually works in your favor, if you'd only take advantage of it and grow some stones.
ascendotum Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Yeah and they often times assume that you're "easy." Any time I've approached or pursued a guy they weren't all that into me and that never changed. Like the guys that struggle to get positive reaction from women, the advice given is well keep trying till you do, the same advice can be applied to women, but the thing is as a woman you don't have to when it not easy going, and I get why. As for the other women saying its not worth approaching guys because they only want to be approached by an attractive woman, you can flip that to apply just as the same to women when they have a succession of guys approach them at the bar. As for appearing easy, yes there is that risk. I guess it depends on how well the guy does with women. Like the other other woman posted how the guys she asked seemed to be happy because it rarely happened to them, but they were just not into her. there is a lot of first date first nite sex these days, and really I don't know how much this offsets the 'if I don't chat to him first then I wont look easy' aspect. As for women never approaching OP, hit a club/bar with some good looking men and you'll see women are very forward if you got the goods.
tbf Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 The closest I got to approaching a man was with my husband. He helped me first but I had to drive away without stopping because I was afraid to get stuck in the snow again. That's when a couple of ladies on LS (SG and allina ) convinced me to thank him for his help, so I had my friends who were his neighbors, invite him to our annual open NYE party, where everyone was allowed to bring vetted guests. That he immediately got my number from my friends and arranged everything so we could attend both of our parties, sealed the deal that he was a go-getter, someone who was very interested. He later confessed that he had plans to contact me by getting my number from my friends, since he'd seen me before at their home. So guys, if you want to get a woman's attention, white knighting does work.
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