pepsimax Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Hi, Just over a year ago I met this guy at work. We started car pooling together and became friends and stayed in touch also after I left the job. I came to have lunch with him a few times and we went out for drinks a few times with another mutual friend from his work. But he has never stopped teasing me and being mean to me-calling me midget and making fun of everything I say or do. I know he doesn't want to hurt me and isn't doing it to be actually mean. Six months ago I started working across the road from him. I didn't have a car until a month ago so he took me all the time. Now I have a company car and he has his own private car so he comes with me. Anyways, I know he considers me a friend. On Friday on our day off he phoned and asked if he could borrow the car to go help his parents with something. They live about 40 minutes away from us. I really needed the car so I didn't give it to him. He said it's not urgent and he is going to them the following day anyways. Now, why would he ask for my car when he has his? I know he feels very comfortable with me. Also, my dad who doesn't live in the country is here for about 2 months. Anyways, he phoned me to ask him to go get him something and I admit that I am tired after a long day at work. So that guy when he heard what my dad wants says to me 'you are tired and you aren't doing it! Give him the car and he can go but you aren't!' I mean like he is my husband or something. Why would he care what I do??? If it was the other way round with a guy friend of mine that I didn't really care about more than just a friend I wouldn't give a sh** what he does!! I don't understand him. And I don't think he likes me more than a friend.
CC12 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Now, why would he ask for my car when he has his? Maybe because your car is nicer, more comfortable, or smells better? Or maybe it's that he doesn't want to put the wear and tear on his own vehicle, so he figures he should put it on yours instead. How did he plan to pay for the fuel he used while he borrowed it? Or did he plan to not pay at all, because it's a company vehicle and he figures your job will just pay for it? He is obviously very comfortable asking you for favors. I don't think that's necessarily a good thing. Borrowing someone's car is a big favor to ask. And asking for it when it's not urgent indicates to me that he either doesn't understand or doesn't care that it would majorly inconvenience you. People should not be so comfortable asking you for a favor. When you find that friends or family are more than comfortable asking you for significant favors, that should tell you that you've made it too easy for them. Whether you've been too accommodating, or they're taking advantage, something needs to change. Why would he care what I do??? Maybe he wants to know because it gives him more things to pick on you about. It seems like that is the dynamic of your friendship - he constantly makes digs at you and makes fun of you, and you accept it and laugh it off and say things like: I know he doesn't want to hurt me and isn't doing it to be actually mean. Okay, but what about you? Do you feel hurt by what he does? Do you feel like he's being mean? Because if you do, his intent doesn't really matter. He may not mean to, but he IS hurting you and he IS being mean. That's what matters. It doesn't matter why he does it, or if there is an excuse for it. It just shouldn't be happening. And you shouldn't accept it. Also, I just want to note, there is no way your job allows you to lend out the company car. If you let someone else drive it and they get in a wreck or damage the car, you will be the one held accountable for it, and you'll probably be fired for being irresponsible with company property. So just keep that in mind, I guess. 1
New User Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Maybe because your car is nicer, more comfortable, or smells better? Or maybe it's that he doesn't want to put the wear and tear on his own vehicle, so he figures he should put it on yours instead. How did he plan to pay for the fuel he used while he borrowed it? Or did he plan to not pay at all, because it's a company vehicle and he figures your job will just pay for it? He is obviously very comfortable asking you for favors. I don't think that's necessarily a good thing. Borrowing someone's car is a big favor to ask. And asking for it when it's not urgent indicates to me that he either doesn't understand or doesn't care that it would majorly inconvenience you. People should not be so comfortable asking you for a favor. When you find that friends or family are more than comfortable asking you for significant favors, that should tell you that you've made it too easy for them. Whether you've been too accommodating, or they're taking advantage, something needs to change. Maybe he wants to know because it gives him more things to pick on you about. It seems like that is the dynamic of your friendship - he constantly makes digs at you and makes fun of you, and you accept it and laugh it off and say things like: Okay, but what about you? Do you feel hurt by what he does? Do you feel like he's being mean? Because if you do, his intent doesn't really matter. He may not mean to, but he IS hurting you and he IS being mean. That's what matters. It doesn't matter why he does it, or if there is an excuse for it. It just shouldn't be happening. And you shouldn't accept it. Also, I just want to note, there is no way your job allows you to lend out the company car. If you let someone else drive it and they get in a wreck or damage the car, you will be the one held accountable for it, and you'll probably be fired for being irresponsible with company property. So just keep that in mind, I guess. There's your reason to stick to a firm "no" when he asks for your car. Seriously, For most of my adult life I have had a company work truck- they're beat up, paints is scratched, usually the inside is dirty from mud at jobsites. Not even remotely a vehicle that I would call nice. I would never even consider letting somebody borrow one of them. FWIW, the dude doesn't sound like much of a friend either.
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