Luminare Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Howdy everyone, Alright this is going to be a weird story as I have no clue why on earth this girl would dump me. It started off in an interesting way and ended in the most unbelievable way possible. The relationship was a year and a half and ended this past July and now its been exactly one month after she broke up with me and I still don't get it. I found this site and thought I could find some advice. Even after all she did to me I still love this person because I think she is young and naive and outside pressures maybe were a factor into this. As of right now I'm 23, a student in college in Texas, and graduating this december 2013. During the spring of 2012 I went to go study abroad for 3 months in Italy. I had a fantastic time while I was there, but hated the people that were around me on the trip, so even though I was abroad I was still talking with a lot of people online. A few months prior I joined a site called Deviant Art which is one of the larger art websites on the internet. This is where it all began. It was her best friend who told her that she had found someone that was exactly like her and at around February is when the girl who eventually became my girlfriend started talking to me. This was a very interesting and sweet girl. At the time she was 17 (i was 22) and she was leaving her life with her family in Germany. It started simple enough with her writing me notes and me writing her notes. Very long and extensive notes. Right away though she was crazy about me and was almost borderline stalker. She found my facebook in a matter days without me telling her. The notes got so long that we moved the conversation to skype chat and calls. We would talk on skype for hours upon hours literally everyday. On march 4th is when we made it official on skype to be a couple. We kept talking and in April I finally got to visit her at her parents house (completely unexpected for the parents btw, but they fell in love with me). We spent the day together and we both got our first kisses ever that day (she was my first girlfriend). Everything seemed to be working like a fairtale and that it was just meant to be. Of course eventually I had to go back to the states, but our love and contact with each other didn't change. We talked for hours on either facebook or skype. In August 2012 I got her to come to texas to spend time with me for about a week and a half. The relationship got really serious from that point on. We got very intimate with each other during that time. We were thought that this could really work and committed to making it work. We then had to spend almost a full year away from each other, but we talked every day again for hours. Then I planned a big trip to go see her in July. This was a big time in her life as she was graduating and going to her prom. I worked my ass off for money to go over there and then went over there. July 3rd, 2013 is when i started my trip and it started out fantastic. Nothing had changed for us. I went to her graduation and her prom! We were staying at her parents house, but we were still just as affectionate as ever. There were some road bumps though. It was clear that she was still very attached to her parents and hadn't begun to really be independent which I addressed and she knew it. It was obvious that she wasn't putting me as her priority (maybe not used to some else being there with her?) even with all the stuff that was going on. She also was busy with choir stuff at school and applying for college. We finally got a chance to go on a trip by ourselves to a small city and had a fantastic time again very intimate. However this is when things began to slide a bit. The day after she got really sick and remain sick up until the breakup. because she was sick she was very lazy, tired, and her parents didn't want her to do a lot of stuff. We still made-out and be with each other, but something just seemed off. I was also visibly angry with her being sick and her parents understood this I sure felt I deserved to be (of course she didn't want to be sick either). We then had to go to Berlin in the middle of July to go visit the sights and she had to go take an English exam for a school she wanted to get into. We were still very affectionate on the train ride and even the night before she took her exam. We were staying at her sisters flat in Berlin. The day of the test she was completely focused on it and so I decided to visit Potsdam for the day. When I got back though she was almost a completely different person. Very lifeless and not very emotion. She even refused me kissing her because I was "sweaty" yet she never let that stop me from kissing her before! While I was laying down on the bed taking a nap I could hear her and her sister talking a lot of stuff in german. We then were then thinking about stuff to do in berlin the next day but she got really annoyed and irritated with me which was very out of character for her. The next morning before we left for sightseeing she got a really terrible headache. But we couldn't stay at the house so we had to leave. I decided that the first place we could visit was the Tiergarten (large park in berlin) so she could take it easy and I wanted to talk about some stuff. We sat on a bench and right away she said we needed to talk. I knew this wasnt good from the start. She immidiately said that she didn't think it was going to work, that her "feelings had changed", loved me more like a brother (what on earth does that mean. she never treated me in a way like that), and that after everything was done we could still be friends. Let me remind you that she is dumping me in the middle of a park, in the middle of a foreign city and country. I even tested her by saying I was going to leave tonight and she only could say "where" as if to imply that she might pay for it. She was so cold and heartless it was like a different person had possessed her! She then got up from the bench and walked away leaving me there. I couldn't believe it. Later in the day I went back to the apartment to collect my stuff that I brought and make an effort to see if she really wanted to be "friends" and go around berlin with me. Nope, she decided she was too sick. By this point she had told her parents (who were completely shocked by the whole thing). I stayed the next few days in a hostel. I then had to take the train back to her town (yes it was very awkward) and a car ride back as well. The whole time it was as if nothing had happened. She was so blazze. She was definitely hiding her true self. Back at her house we got into a heated arguement. She responded in ways that were just weird. When skyping with my mom she even had the balls to say "say hi to your mom for me" as if she would be completely fine by all of this. She also said that all of this wasnt because of someone else. Her parents were visually embarrased, stunned, and shocked. The scene was so surreal! I then finally left and stayed the rest of my trip with a friend in England. I've have since deleted her on skype and facebook. The only contact I have with her is on Deviantart where I eventually left her a few notes. One saying I was leaving for home and that she probably hated me. All her replys (all in bullet point form) were that she was talking a break from social media, wished me a safe return, and that she didn't "hate me and you know that" (strange way of showing it). She hasn't contacted me since. Everyone was shocked by all of this (from her parents, to my family and friends, even her friends) except for her sister who was kinda blazze about it so she might be in on this. I'm still at a lost for words. I don't know what she could possibly be thinking. Is it college? Is it her maturity? Was she worried it wasn't going to work out? I was learning german for her and planning on going to a grad school in berlin near her (still going to grad school in germany just not near her now). I was going to give everything for her. She claims that she still cares about me and likes me a lot, but is just completely ignoring me. Feelings just don't change in hours or days or even weeks! Whats the deal? I need some serious advice on this! What do I do? What went wrong?
Author Luminare Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Is there really no one that can give any advice, or opinions? :C Would really appreciate some help!
HokeyReligions Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 You lost me when you said you were 'visibly' angry at her being sick. I would boot you out too. And I do not for one second think her parents loved you. Let her go. You both have a lot of growing up to do and frankly, it sounds like she showed more maturity than you.
Author Luminare Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 i guess visibly angry isn't the best choice of words. I was more irritated then anything else. I didn't even care if we did anything at all I just wanted to spend time with her. And her parents did love me. Her father was holding back tears before I left her house. I honestly don't see what I did wrong? I was a gentlemen to her all the time. Was always very caring. I treated her like a princess. Yeah I'm not saying that I'm perfect or I didn't do anything wrong. I think your comment is a bit harsh. I don't think what she did to me is a hallmark of maturity! I'm not or wasn't trying to be a jerk :/
GB25 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I think her being 18 years old had a lot to do with this out of the blue behavior..
Author Luminare Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 I think so also. Of course as far as relationships go I'm pretty immature. Thats what made it so special. We were both (in terms of relationships) in the same league so we could grow together. Even with the sick thing we were still making-out and being close to one another. She never once began to retract from me. Never once did she say we needed to slow down or back things up. And even with my irritation to her being sick. In my situation anyone would be that way when you saved money and time to go and be with someone for only a month. I know that if I was sick I would have sucked it up and do whatever I could have done to make her happy! I would have done anything for her :/
GB25 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I think so also. Of course as far as relationships go I'm pretty immature. Thats what made it so special. We were both (in terms of relationships) in the same league so we could grow together. Even with the sick thing we were still making-out and being close to one another. She never once began to retract from me. Never once did she say we needed to slow down or back things up. And even with my irritation to her being sick. In my situation anyone would be that way when you saved money and time to go and be with someone for only a month. I know that if I was sick I would have sucked it up and do whatever I could have done to make her happy! I would have done anything for her :/ What ive bolded seems to be a problem..also what you wrote pretty much sums up sometimes young people in relationships..she just withdrew without a warning and kind of went away.. This happens of course with any age group..but especially with such a young girl like 18yrs old this seems to be right on par..shes young..needs to find herself
Author Luminare Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Do you think she might come back around? We had so many things in common we were almost the same kind of person. We almost never fought. She would call me precious and her prince. Even when I was over there we were still connecting really well. I know that I might have had something to do with this (though she told me it had nothing to do with me). I just don't understand why she just gave up :/ She even said on the first few days while I was there that we were both a team and that whatever problems we had we should talk about it. I also know that she was also still physically attracted to me as well as she would always, literally, yank me over to her so we could kiss and make out, whenever her parents would leave the house for a walk instantly we would make-out, or she would just bury her head into my neck and just rest there. We were both very affectionate with each other. In the mornings at her house she would even come to where I was sleeping and wake me up and kiss me. I will say that during the time I was there she really seemed overwhelmed by many of the things that were going on around her. Graduation, Prom, beginning the next chapter in her life in terms of thinking about college, frustrated by things she had to do for her parents (did a lot of cooking for them and dishes and other things), yet at the same time it seemed that she still had this sense that she needed them to know everything that she was going to do. She was also getting very annoyed with the people that were around her and dreaded doing stuff at school with people and was always saying how much she was ready to leave her town. I remember one afternoon me and her baked some kind of dessert. The whole time though she was very agitated about things she had to do. Eating the dessert with her family and I, she at one point got very confrontational with her father (who was just teasing her about stuff) and all of us knew something was wrong with her :/ During the breakup she said I was a part of her plan for the future, but if I was, I just don't understand shy she did this so quickly and without it seems taking counsel from her mother (very close too, and very sad about how this all ended) or friends (they had no clue why she would breakup). I say immature in the sense that I didn't really have a relationship with a girl before her so i'm pretty inexperienced. She was the same way also. Most the guys she always attracted before were weirdos or creeps and at one point I even had to scare one off who was bugging her in real life and online. She is a pretty strong and smart person, but does have an appearance of innocence that I'm afraid people might take advantage of :/
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