I wish I never had known true love

[Neflsed]

Have you ever loved someone so much it hurt? Have you ever felt so happy and content with someone that you thought it just had to be meant to be? They had to be your soul mate because no one has ever made you feel this way? Their touch was so special it made your skin melt and filled your heart with happiness? The time you spent with them flew by.. years seemed like minutes?

 

I know many out there have.

 

Does true love ever really last forever? Or is it not meant to? Or does the love always last but because life has so much to offer we must move on to new experiences? Should we be appreciative that we experienced true love? Or should we feel anger because we found true love and lost it?

 

Personally I used to appreciate knowing and feeling true love but now I am angry. I would be better off not knowing any different. My heart is broken beyond repair. My soul is lost. It is desperately searching to be completed. I long to feel complete again. I am with someone that I love but it is not true love. They will never complete me the way my soul mate did. They say time heals all wounds... not mine. I can pretend.. I tell myself I am happy and I am better off but am I really? NO. I am lost, lonely and sad.

 

I have so many questions that will never be answered. My true love will forever haunt my soul, my dreams and my mind.

 

Every day is a struggle. I have wanted to die because my life feels so empty and pointless. I truly wish I could go back in time before I knew any different. I want the pain to stop. I want to live again.

[VivianLee]

How much time has passed?? From what I've seen and experienced, time does heal BUT you have to let yourself grieve and have the will to try and get over it! Getting over it doesn't lessen the love you had but it helps you to move on and live again...it takes ALOT of time BUT it also takes effort! Keep pretending your happy, one day you'll realize you are!!

 

I'm sorry for your pain! Don't give up!

[Sukotto]

I'm guessing that this person was probably your first love?

 

Its usual to feel empty and worthless after a breakup with someone, I took a week off work when my girlfriend ended it with me, I lay about in bed most of the day generally upset about what had happened. I was hardly eating or drinking anything. I'd just sit and look at photos and letters.

 

I finally realised that it was completely destructive and that my girlfriend obviously didn't feel the same way about me and that was it, if she did then she wouldn't have made the choices that she did. I started by getting rid of everything that she gave me, it now lives in a cupboard out of reach so I'd have to go out of my way to look at it.

 

You also need to find something to occupy that large void, self improvement is definately something that you could do since everyone has something they want to change. If it by weight, muscles or learning some new skill. Maybe consider doing some overtime at work to fill those empty hours. The more occupied you keep yourself the better.

 

Does love last forever? The feelings will start to dull down but i dont think they'll ever be completely gone.

 

Keep your chin up.

[whitewhale]

Exactly - how much time has passed? I had a similar experience - as you described - it was so huge and so incredible that I just couldn't believe that it wasn't meant to be. I wanted to die so many times. I cried each day, for about two months. I waited all the time - and I mean ALL the time for something to happen - like a phone call. I didn't sleep more than a few minutes in a row - for about two months. That was the nightmare time. Then came the long healing time. I think that it is different with each individual. And I heard that it takes twice much time as the time of the relationship to get over.

 

It's been 4 years and I recovered completely, but with the feeling (not sad, though) that nobody like him can happen again. If you think of the proportionate pain, maybe that's good news?

 

It will pass. I can't say "cheer up" for I know it doesn't work at such a time. But I can assure you - the pain WILL stop.

 

there's Emily Dickinson's poem that seems to fit such situations:

 

{Deleted Copyrighted Poetry}

 

sounds pessimistic - but there is the LETTING GO after all... I know cause I've been there.

[Nefsled]

It's been a long time since the breakup. He was not my first love but he was my first and only "true love". I have been in love many times before. I am in love now but it's not the same. I can't express how I know it was true love other than the way it made me feel. What we had was special. I will never get that again. You can't replace your soul mate.

[EC]

I'm also guessing this person was your first love?

 

 

If it was it's hard to get over your first love and I don't think you ever really do get over them completely. Like someone once posted your first love is your "first love".You will never love so completely and so openly again. It's so innocent and you think finally I have found it and It can never go away. You start creating all these plans and making these beautiful scenarios of you together in the future..and then reality hits. Sometimes it works out with first loves and sometimes it doesn't.

 

I honestly believe time does heal and if the person didnt feel all those wonderful things about you, it wasn't meant to be no matter how much you think so, so you move on.

 

Its funny I swore I would never get over my first love. I was left thinking why, how, he was perfect, no one treated me like he did, no one looked as beautiful as he did, no one was ever going to make me laugh the way he did. When we broke up we broke up and never spoke again for years. And those years were torture. I had him so high and no guy could compare to him.

 

But then years later I saw him again and It was as if I was seeing him again for the first time with new eyes. He wasn't all that great and I was living in the memory of what we had and what I thought we could have but once I saw the reality I knew it just wasnt so.

 

It's hard it hurts and it sux. If you love the person your with and they love you then thats all that matters and just let yourself open up.

 

I don't know all the details of your relationship so i can't really tell you much because I don't know how long its been or what relationship you have now with your "soulmate". But I think that Your in a new relationship now and thats what matters.

What matters is that you are "happy" with the person you are with and if you are not then thats what you should be worried about. And you have to ask yourself are you not happy because of them and how they treat you or just because they are not "him"?

 

If you are not happy with the one that you are with maybe you should leave and give someone else the chance to make you happy.

[Nefsled]

I know my post sounds crazy. I am happy with the person I am with. He makes me happy and I do love him. I am not a confused teenager. I am 26. I have been in serious relationships before. I just don't know how to find closure. You would think being in another relationship would help but it doesn't. I compare everything to him. My better judgment tells me that I should let go and I need to let go... but I can't. I have pretended to. I just feel empty.

[whitewhale]

you said it was a long time ago, but time is relative;

did at least 2 years pass? sometimes it takes a few years. I don't think that 26 years (i'm 27) is already a peak of life or peak of maturity or whatever - and not the end of life for sure. maybe instead of silently comparing and missing your "soulmate" you could predict the thoughts coming and just watch them as not your own instead of focusing on them? it's hard, but not impossible. besides, you didn't say how long you were together, but what makes you think he was your soulmate? are you able to distinguish between body reactions (including brain chemistry that provokes even such feelings as comfort) and your soul's?

 

I don't want to sound rude... But maybe it will help to try to think of it that way. yet, that requires a longer time for the right perspective.. maybe there's no such thing as a "soulmate" or a "second half". you can be happy with various people in various ways, and perhaps the most intense isn't the best, it's so energy consuming.

 

gosh, I am beginning to babble

if you're thinking he's your mr perfect and you're not together because of some fault of yours I can only tell you that you're wrong, because if you believe in soulmates, you believe in destiny too, and if so, if you had been destined to be together you would be now.

 

it'll be better in the end, give yourself more time

[Think too much]

I agree give it time. I am not going to tell you he is not your soul mate if you believe that then maybe he is.

 

We don't know how long it's been since your breakup but it takes some people longer than others. Plus a lot of it depends on how the relationship ended. The only way to stop hurting is to search for closure.

 

Maybe the person your with now is not the right person or maybe you have not been with them long enough to know if it's true love. Hopefully you didn't run into a rebound relationship. You will never truly be happy until you let go of the past. The past is the past and it does not do anyone any good to dwell on it.

 

Now you know the qualities the person that you love has. You can always find them in someone else... who knows they might even be better than your ex. My point is there are too many people out there for us to have only one person we were meant to be with.

 

Try to find someone that will love you as much as you love them. You can't control who wants to be in your life but you can control you. You can choose to be happy. It's your life don't let the past hold you back from happiness.

[Naive]

WOW, your post was so...............sad!!! I really felt like crying as I read. I felt exactly like you did at one point, all I can say is never give up on love and keep living one day at a time

[UCFKevin]

The saying "It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all," is something I strongly believe in, however, it sure as hell doesn't feel like it after a break up. Takes a while to appreciate what you had and what you experienced.

[DESI]

Nefsled,

When I was reading your post I feel exactly the sameway. I feel like he was my soul mate and now I have to go look for second best. I also compare everyone to him, and they never win. I have also been in love before him, this isn't my first long time relationship, but the relationship I had with him was magical. I would get goosebumps all over my body when we kissed, and I was so so happy.

I am just hoping that in time it will pass, even though right now it doesn't seem possible. It has been 6 months since my break-up and it still feels fresh to me. Just know that other people feel like that too, your not the only one.

[whichwayisup]

Every love is different.

 

Your words spoke from the heart, it was honest, full of feeling and deeply felt as I read it.

 

I do hope one day you are able to find someone to replace that hole in your heart. Time heals all wounds.

[Naive]

You know something, I was truly deeply in love once and it tore my heart into millions once it was over, but I am so great-full that I know how it feels to be in love the way I was. I could never want it to have passed me by. Not many are blessed with finding someone who will make them feel this way. Even if he is gone now I can honestly say that the love I felt for him made me the happiest woman in the world and not a lot of people can say that.

[NatoPMT]

Hi Nefsled,

 

I am with WhichWayIsUp on this.

 

I am in love now but it's not the same. I can't express how I know it was true love other than the way it made me feel

 

I understand what you mean. Each relationship you have is different, feelings and intensity change and soften with experience. You may never have those feelings again, I doubt I will ever feel the type of love I felt for my ex ex again – it was incredible, but after 7 years, there was nothing left and I ended it. I have had 2 relationships since then – both totally different. What I know now is that I don’t even want those ridiculous heady feelings again, those feelings arent real love, they are chemicals and your vision is clouded to what is really right for you. My 1st relationship after the ex ex, I was almost depressed that I didn’t feel as strongly, I didn’t want to go back to ex ex, but I wanted to feel the same way about this new relationship. Now I am too love-worn to feel that again, but what I have is a million times better, its intense, but not crazy, its warm, but doesn’t burn me.

 

. You would think being in another relationship would help but it doesn't. I compare everything to him…

 

doesn’t feel compatible with

 

He makes me happy and I do love him

 

You aren’t over him. You havent said how long its been, but I think you should spend some more time on your own, or talk to your current bf and explain how you feel, he may want to wait for you. However someone elses affection doesn’t act as salve to heal your wounds, if you want to heal properly, you have to do this alone but with the support of friends and family. Being with him wont solve your heartache, it will only serve to give you more disappointment and you will feel worse about yourself as a result.

[moon]

It took me six years to get over my first love. I know NOW that it took me that long because I am over him now and I can realize how I continued hoping for all of those six years in some way or another that we would hook up again. The first year was the worst. I was living very near him and we were on and off talking about getting back together. Then we both started playing a lot of games with each other and both of us took up with somebody else. I think I loved him more than he loved me. He was the one who broke it off with me. I acted very immaturely though and probably deserved for him in the end not to want to get back together with me. But in the end I finally just took off from where we were living and went traveling. I never moved back to that town.

 

Right when I got off the plane to my new travel destination I hooked up with somebody. I spent the next four months in two different relationships. But I will never forget the plane ride leaving where I had lived before. I cried bloody murder to myself. I was just hysterical. I knew I couldn't ever let my ex see me like this. I had been calm and cool for the last few times I had seen him....but I knew what was really lying underneath. I was going crazy keeping myself together.

 

After my travel romances came and went I spent about another year totally alone, not dating anyone. I moved to a new city and actually developed sort of an eating disorder. I went back to school and put everything into my studies. I didn't eat much and my family started telling me I was anorexic---not quite-- but I was skinny. I met up with another guy while in school and he was a good distration for maybe five months. I remember that I was able to forget about my ex when I was with somebody else, but the moment they were not in my presence I'd remember him again.

 

I finally met a guy I really liked about four years ago. We didn't have the best relationship and I sort of attribute it to the fact that I was STILL not over my first love. So sad. But this new guy and I carried on, on and off, until just last month. I know that I am TOTALLY over my first love now. He actually got married to somebody else. I think the funniest thing about it is that he and his wife met shortly after me and my most recent ex got together. So he and I were clear from one another for a long time.

 

Now I realize that me and my first love were just not meant to be together. There are things I still miss about him, but I think the pain of that whole situation was just too much for me. If a relationship and the break up is that hard---forget about it! You can't live with that. My ex and I were great but he pushed all my buttons and made me feel insecure about many things. I would rather have a person who was a best friend, who didn't drive me crazy.....than have one that did.

 

My first love just did something to me deep inside....but now when I think about him I just remember what was....not what could be. We will never get back together again. You know when I say that now....it doesn't hurt at all and I don't even really care that much. It's done and over and that's that. So evenutally, with a lot of soul searching I am sure you will get over this person. It takes some time, of course you will get on with your life, as I did....but it takes a long time to really get over them. But you will know when you are. I totally and completely got over my first love about a year and a half ago. Yup....it took forever, but once it's gone...it's gone. I don't mean I was crying for him everyday---I wasn't, but I was still clinging to hope...thinking maybe one day....But on.

 

So it will happen someday for you. Just keep on doing whatever it is you're doing. Good luck. One day you'll look back on your behavior and laugh---I do. That feels so good!! Love should not make you crazy. Well it should maybe once...your first love, but after that don't expect so much from somebody else...nobody can give you the world, but yourself.